User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/107
Episode 107:Aquarii's House of Scrubs
(The episode begins in the hospital)
All Doctors: You are the clown. We recognise you. Go ENTERTAIN THE EBOLA PATIENT.
Doctor #3: You still have the red nose on.
Doctor #1: The shoes too.
Ronalds: But I REALLY do have a doctorate. See? <shows his doctorate>
Doctor #2: I know what a real doctorate looks like. That is a fake. And it is a doctorate in "commiecommiecommie".
Ronalds: Damnit. Fine. <leaves the room>
Doctor #2: ROUND ONE -
FIGHT BEGIN OPERATION!
(Outside the room, Ronalds gets into his "Ubermensch" disguise. His radio goes off.)
Darth: What are you doing?
Ronalds: Trying to get in. <enters the room>
Ronalds: I AM UBERMENSCH!!!
Aquarii: Lets see...<punches Ronalds, who runs out of the room>
Keira: (Heavy panting)
Aquarii: what the hell are you doing? Aren't you doctors? DO SOMETHING!
(Doctors start the operation)
Ronalds: Whatever. <Is hit by an egg thrown by the Ebola patient>
(A doctor comes by and watches Ronalds.)
Doctor #4: Hey, let's all point and laugh at the loser express!
Ronalds: Who are you supposed to be, Perry Cox?
Doctor #4: Well, actually I'm Hinoa Cox. I'm not as sarcastic nor as funny as my brother but it still makes me laugh that you are such a loser.
Ronalds: Hinoa!?! You! You!!! You!!! YOU!!!
Hinoa: Don't bust a vein, there Tiffany.
Ronalds: YOU!!!! THE SCHOOL BULLY WHEN I WAS AT SCHOOL!!!
(Scene to the Commie Base, a huge battle erupted.)
Adam: FOR NARNIA! AND FOR ASLAN! <Fires QVFD gun>
Cerid: What are you yelling? <fires a pistol>
Adam: Just referencing good books. HE HAS A UNIBROW AND A TATOO OF AN EYE ON HIS ANKLE! HE MUST BE COUNT OLAF!!! <shoots a commie>
Han: Dang, that robot followed us!
PONG-05: <looks at the camera> Typical...Humans can be so robotists at times, shame! Shame on ye!
(Nikita places a magnet with a banana onto PONG-05's head. PONG thinks he's in WW-II)
PONG-05: AXIS AND ALLIES!
(Pong turns his arm into a chaingun)
(Dizberg throws a snake at PONG, blowing it up)
Zatoichi: BUT THAT THING KICKED ASS!
CommTrooper: We need more troops!
(Scene to the Hospital. Ronalds had busted a vein and is now in a hospital bed.)
Hinoa: Christ, I didn't know how much of a wussy you were. Would you like me to get a care bear so you can feel all better?
Ebola Patient: Ha ha h-(Throws up blood)
(In Keira's room...)
Doctor #3: What the fuck? Stop playing with the syringe, Doctor!
Doctor #1: Why? It's fun.
Aquarii: Worst. Hospital. Ever.
Doctor #1: This is how I'm going to drink my coffee from now on.
Doctor #2: I get dibs on the x-ray machine after when we're on break!
Keira: Please... help...
(Doctor #2 and Doctor #3 tend to Keira)
(Meanwhile on the battlefield)
Zatoichi: I must avenge the knight's death with honor!
(Zatoichi takes out his katana screaming and slashing wildly, only to hit a wall.)
Zatoichi: Son of a bitch!
(Back in the hospital)
Doctor #2: Worst Ever Hospital.
Aquarii: I agree.
Doctor #3: Alright, the baby is almost out...
Doctor #1: Prepare the Cute Snugglebug.
Doctor #1: Of course not! It's for me!
Keira: (Heavy panting, then a scream)
Aquarii: It will be all right, Keira, you'll be okay...
Doctor #2: It's a breach baby!
Doctor #1: What the hell is that?
Doctor #2: It's a baby that comes out, feet first.
Doctor #1: Can I have sex with the baby?
Everyone else: NO!
Doctor #1: How about sex with the nurse?
Nurse: Sure, James!
(The nurse and Doctor #1 have sex)
Doctor #3: Can we get a trained person in here?
(Doctor #2 pages Hinoa to the operating room.)
Hinoa: Well, Tiff, I've got to go. Oh, and here's your care bear so you can feel wanted, yes you can!
(Hinoa gives Ronalds a Carebear. He starts to cry.)
Hinoa: Hug him and he'll say adorable phrases that might make you feel like you have an actual security blanket.
(Hinoa leaves to the operating room.)
Hinoa: Well, Keira, the baby will come out just after I play darts in this room.
Doctor #3: I thought you said this guy was trai...
(Hinoa gets 50 bullseyes)
Hinoa: You were saying, Bob? Well, let me get this over and done with so I can antagonize Lassie.
(Hinoa completes the operation rather easily)
Doctor #1: It's a...care bear!!!
Hinoa: It is a boy, dimwit!!!
Aquarii and Keira: Lets call him Kim Bauer Aquarii!!! NOW!
Doctor #1: Can I have sex with him and then throw him out the window onto the cute pink thingy?
(Aquarii breaks the Doctor's fingers and shoots him in the foot)
Keira: The baby's beautiful.
Doctor #1: Can I have a band-aid please?
Everyone else: NO!
Doctor #2: Okay Keira, your baby shall be in the nursery. You will be discharged in two weeks.
Keira: Thank you.
(Ronalds runs into the room)
Ronalds: No, but you can watch as I take the baby away!
(Ronalds snatches the baby, but Hinoa gets him by his patient suit)
Aquarii: GET BACK HERE, NOW!
(Aquarii shoots Ronalds and saves Kim B.)
Kim: Goo goo ga ga Ronalds bad bad commie.
Keira: He said his first words already...
Aquarii: Aww, he said his first anti-communist word, soon he'll be able to handle a P-90. That's my boy!
Kim: Goo goo previously ga 24.
Hinoa: How about I get you in your old suit Ronalds?
Ronalds: NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT!
Hinoa: Strap him down, Bob!
Kim: Ba ga goo natives good goo commies bad bad. Me Aspie.
(Scene to the Commie base. The heroes stole a truck, and are escaping the base. Dizberg is driving. Adam, Han, and Braycat are in the truck bed shooting at communists)
Darth: STOP THAT TRUCK!
(An entire platoon of CommTroopers follow the truck. Adam changes into a Hapkido(Korean martial art) gee. He is a Black and White Stripe belt.)
Han: They're sending jeeps with 9mms!
Braycat: Aquarii and Keira are missing, they may be foul, but I still miss them. (Fires arrows)
Adam: I need to practice my Hapkido.
Adam: A Korean martial art. <does great roundhouse kick, snapping the neck of a commie climbing on the truck>
(The jeeps catch up, and fire)
Adam: GET DOWN!
(Credits roll, with Doctor #1 labeled as "idiot")