User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/113
Episode 113:DOUBLE LENGTH SEASON FINALE! Now available on DVD for only 99 payments of $15 USD. Massachusetts and Nevada residents add sales tax. Ass-scratching fees may apply in KY, MN, WI, IA, and various other states we don't care about. Price does not include shipping and handling.
(Scene is the ED base. Trousers, James Priest, and Dizberg are cornered in, er, a corner)
Priest: GOD, SMITE THEM!!!
(God smites Priest)
(Trousers strangles half of the ED army with string. Connery suddenly jumps in)
Connery: Gihve me another dhrink please.
Everyone: GET OFF THE DAMN STAGE!!!
Dizberg: Hey look, Ouroboros behind you!
(All the EDians look behind themselves, and Dizberg, Trousers, and Connery escape while Borgat is dying of ritalin overdose)
Trousers: NOOOOO!!! DON'T LEAVE NOW!!! BORGAT IS DYING!! AND I FORGOT MY GIANT STRING!
Borgat: Pay... attention... next... time...
Dizberg: For Ouroboros, we must save Borgat!
(Connery pours a bottle of wine on Borgat, healing him)
Dizberg: Since when could wine save lives?
(Connery is thrown off the stage)
(Trousers does a slow-motion leap for his string...an EDian jumps for it...)
Trousers: Don't you dare!
(And the EDian gets it)
Argon: Now, with the string of all power, we EDians shall DESTROY THE GRUE ARMY AND CAPTURE UNCYCLOPEDIA!!! MWA HA HA!!!
Priest: Oh no.
(Trousers starts shooting prose wildly at the EDians with his gun in a Rambo style sequence)
Trousers: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! DIE FIENDS!
(Before the bullets of prose destroy the EDians, time stops, but both the heroes and the EDians are still in motion. Chronos of Uncyclopedia and Sharifah of Dramatica come into view)
Chronos: You kids are REALLY starting to piss me off with all this drama and shit.
Sharifah: Really. If you want Drama, we'll give you drama.
(All weapons are stripped from both sides and the room turns into a Roman Colleseum with thousands of Uncyclopedians and Dramaticans watching. Chronos and Sharifah are sitting in place of the Emperor and Empress. Gladiuses are given to both sides. A gladiator comes into the ring.)
Gladiator: WE WHO ARE ABOUT TO DIE SALUTE YOU!
(The Gladiator is mauled by a Lion. King Feline comes into view whispering to Chronos.)
Feline: Remember, this is only a rental. You'll have to pay a fee to clean off the blood and scrape off the brains if it gets too bloody.
Chronos: For my sake Feline, I'm renting this coliseum from you for only $20 and a ball of yarn!
Feline: The cost is 5 million deity power credits.
Chronos: Oh no. I don't have that much. Do you Sharifah?
Sharifah: Fuck no.
Feline: Well then...
(The scene goes back to how it was before, with all weapons back)
Feline: There. No pay, no area.
Dizberg: Go OUROBOROS!!!
(Ouroboros appears to fire flaming donuts at the EDian armies)
Adam: lulz... <attacks Trousers>
Trouser's suit: WARNING: Containment suit charge level 8%. Please recharge suit soon.
Trousers: Looks like I'm going need to whip out the big guns.
(Trousers takes out a string, he curves it slightly around the edges and the string hardens into metal)
(Dizberg sets the brainwasher to reverse and puts Adam on it. Adam becomes his normal self)
Adam: What...what happened? And why am I dressed in an ED suit? Wait...OUROBOROS, YOU ROCK!!!
(Next unbrainwashed, Indy)
Trousers: DEATH METAL STRINGBAR TIME!!!
Indy: Yeah, Trousers! DEATH METAL BREAD TIME!!!
(Trousers and Indy attack with their DEATH METAL ________s, slaughtering normal EDians and knocking out the brainwashed heroes. Then an attack gets to Indy, badly injuring him. Froggy is unbrainwashed)
Froggy: Indy, ribbit...
(Suddenly, a sound of marching is heard. as EDians look outside, they see a platoon of Grue Army soldiers marching in sync, slamming their guns down on the cement at the same time over a bridge.)
Trousers: We're saved!
(The platoon's marching causes the bridge to collapse.)
Adam: Damn, the Mythbusters were wrong. That really can happen.
EDian: You might escape the complex, but you'll never escape ED!
(Trousers hits him with his Death Metal stringbar)
Trousers: Back! Back you mindless savage!
(A rocket hits the complex. EDcrabs pop out, ready to latch to any skull and turn the victim into an EDcrab zombie.)
Trousers: Aw fuck. Those things always killed me in Half-Li-
Adam: DON'T SAY IT.
EDian: Yes... HA HA!
Dizberg: WE GET IT ALREADY!
Garm VII: lulzwoof...
(Adam shoots Garm)
Shandion: OH MY GOD YOU KILLED GARM!! YOU BASTARD!! lulz...
Adam: ENOUGH DAMN SOUTH PARK KENNY DEATH LINES ALREADY!!!
(Han throws a thermal detonator at the EDcrabs. The resulting shockwave nullifies the brainwashings, though an EDcrab survives.)
Trousers: Quick! Everyone! Get out through these doors!
Argon: Not so fast!
(Argon takes Keira with a knife over her throat. The group freezes. Argon slowly paces towards the opposite doors leading to a train.)
Argon: She's boarding a train straight to Nova Lulzspect. One false move trying to save her and she dies.
Keira: Aquarii! Braycat! Do something!
(Aquarii and Braycat fear that they will lose her, and so do not act. Argon and Keira board the Razr Train and depart.)
Trousers: We can get to them, but we need to go through the city or the EDians for sure will get to us!
(They run through the opposite doors. It is town square. There is an obelisk with a TV screen on it. A girl in vinyl is talking rhetoric.)
Girl: Welcome to City Lulznteen, your new home provided by our benefactors. You may have been transferred here from other places like New Uncyclo, or City Wikiteen...
Adam: Shut up.
(Adam shoots the girl, and picks up a few sub-machine guns)
Han: THE GIRL WAS A MINOR!
(Han reveals a button on his military vest)
Han: And it isn't a suicide bomb. <presses button>
Adam: We are from Uncyclopedia. We kill EDians.
(Adam rampages through the city, randomly shooting his submachine guns)
(Trousers stops Adam with silly string)
Civillian: IN THE SKY!
(A WikiShip is in the sky. It lands. Jimbo Wales exits the ship. Adam shoots the civillian, and reloads his guns)
Trousers: Jimbo! You must have gotten my message about the transporter.
Jimbo: No, I thought this dump was a rest stop, and I'm not lending you my ship when (Points to Han) this guy is just going to destroy it just like the last four ships.
Trousers: Now, STRING!!!
(Trousers shoots string at Wales)
Jimbo: What the-An ambush!!!
Adam: Yeah, sure.
(Adam shoots Jimbo, and then shoots a lot of EDians)
Hinoa: You just shot Sen. Wales!
Han: WE DON'T SHOOT CIVILLIANS, REGARDLESS OF THEIR AFFILIATION. ONE DEMERIT!!!
Jimbo: I'm supposed to engage in a peace negotiation between ED and Wikiland. Now you ruined my suit!
(Wikiship explodes. The group gets in some random plane)
Rene: I HEREBY ANNEX THIS PLANET TO THE FRENCH MONARCHY!!!
Adam: Brace for crash, even though we are not even off the ground yet!!! Does anyone here know how to pilot a plane?
(Aquarii throws a 24 2nd season DVD at the controls, the plane starts going into a stall, then C throws a hammer at the controls, and the plane flies directly towards a destroys city)
Aquarii: We are about to crash!
(The plane crashes in Ravenholm. The mad laughs of Father Capercorni can be heard from a distance.)
Adam: Ooh, a passenger plane to Keira's destination!
(Everyone gets on the passenger plane, Capercorni is on it. That, and lots of dead Combine.)
Capercorni: Benson...you have come. Prepare to die.
(Benson starts the plane. It crashes into a skyscraper that George W. Bush is in)
Benson: DIE, ANTI-BENSON GUY!!!
Capercorni: No, you die.
Bush: AAAA, TERRORISTS!!!
(The Group is now known as Al-Bensoia, a terrorist group, with a billion dollar reward for one member's capture, and the group has the FBI most wanted list to themselves.)
Shandion: Don't kill Garm!!!
(Connery comes on stage and punches Capercorni)
Connery: WATCH THE JAMES BOND 007 MOVIES!!!
(A bystander captures and accidentally kills Garm VIII)
Shandion: OH MY GOD YOU KILLED GARM!!! YOU BASTARD!
(The bystander is rewarded. Meanwhile at Nova Lulzspect...)
Argon: Ha ha! The conversion is complete!
EDian: Not quite sir. We haven't even moved on to the first step because of the damn buraeucracy here. The only thing we've done so far is put her in a storage pod until the forms are filled.
(Back to the heroes)
Han: Well, we are now wanted.
(Brad comes in)
Brad: YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!!! PUT YOUR HANDS UP!!!
Dizberg: Not again...
L: ARREST THESE MEN!!!
Brad: Mr. L, you are wanted too.
L: Oh no.
Adam: I thought we blew you up!
Brad:No, that was my car.
Moonshine: Oh no...<faints>
Connery: Aw, come on.
(Connery pushes Brad off the stage.)
Brad: You wanna go, punk?
(Connery throws Brad at the wall. Brad is barely harmed)
Brad: Mr. Bond, I want you to be arrested.
Connery: I don't think sho, laddie.
(Connery takes out a Walther PPK from his suit and drops it)
Connery: Shit! My arthritish!
Brad: You are under arrest.
(Connery throws a broken bottle at Brad)
(Han fires a Desert Eagle at Connery. He runs like hell)
Director: I thought the thing was a prop.
(Connery punches the director.)
Director: YOU'RE FIRED. OUT.
(Connery is kicked out. He tries to get back in, but Security slams the door on him.)
Brad: Anyway, prepare to go on a one-way trip to a fate worse than death.
(Connery smashes through the roof, landing on Brad and tackling him. Connery presses a button on his watch, revealing a buzzsaw.)
Connery: License to kill, bitch!
Brad: Oh great.
(Connery kills a police squad, and prepares to kill the director)
Director: What the hell!?!
(Connery kills the director)
Connery: Agent 007 here!
Shandion: OH MY GOD YOU KILLED GARM!!! YOU BASTARD!!!
(The director is revealed to be...Garm.)
Producer: Hey, Connery, want this bottle of wine?
Producer: THEN FETCH! <throws the wine bottle out the window. Connery jumps out from the second story.>
Producer: CONTINUE ON THE SET.
Brad: Alright... YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST!
(Back at Nova Lulzspect...)
Argon: What the heck is that big bump on her head!?!
EDian: It is a bump on her head.
Argon: I KNEW THAT ALREADY!!!
(Back with the group, Connery has smashed through the wall, and is punching Brad. Brad throws Connery out the window of the top floor of the skyscraper.)
Adam: Oh come on!!!
(Adam shoots Brad in the leg. Han looks at Adam strangely)
Adam: He'll live.
Nikita: Stop blabbering and GET US SOME TRANSPORTATION.
Han: Look up.
(A Grue Army helicopter is seen. It is shot down by an American scout.)
Han: Aw damnit!
(A Grue Army member crawls out of the wreckage)
Grue Army soldier: Why...why are the Americans attacking us?
Han: Dimwits of our group crashed yet another plane. This time nearly killing the president.
(Credits roll, with an Iwo Jima statue with a stabbed Grue on the flagpole in the background for no reason. No, really, absolutely no reason. Nothing to do with the Grue Army.)
Han: Hey!!! Stop giving away spoilers!!!
Credits: SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!