User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/119
Episode #119: The League of Extraordinary Idiots (Part II of I.V.)
(Episode begins at Kato's place. The situation is grim, with a redshirted Soldier holding Mina hostage. Everybody is still, and Aquarii's cookie has been on the ground for more than three seconds.)
Soldier: STAY STILL!
Mina: Fine, fine, geez, what do you want?
Soldier: One thing, and one thing only...The Amulet, and some of those cookies.
Kato: Hey, you said one thing.
Soldier: QUIET! Just do as I say or the hot chick gets it.
Connery: What ish thhis Amulet you shpeak ov?
Soldier: You know what I'm talking about.
Keira: Oooh, is it like the ending of Harry Potter, where one of us is actually the amulet?
Emmzed: Great job ruining the novel Keira.
Soldier: GAK! That's it! The girl gets it!
(The Soldier slashes Mina's neck, everybody gasps...as the knife does nothing.)
Soldier: THEY GAVE ME A BUTTER KNIFE?!
(Mina knocks out the soldier, effectively bringing temporary peace to the household.)
Dorian: Hey, I believe in non-violent means in this house.
Aquarii: GET DOWN! NOW!
(A stricken soldier gets up and points a gun at Dorian. Dorian quickly reacts, grabs a SPAS-12 shotgun from under the couch and shoots the gun out of the soldier's hand.)
Dorian: I SAID...
(Dorian shoots again)
Dorian: NO VIOLENCE...
(Dorian shoots again)
Dorian: IN THIS HOUSE!
(Dorian shoots again as the remaining soldiers who can move leave in a frantic pace.)
Dorian: Now, you folks were saying?
Han: Erm...we're supposed to find Dr. Strangeherr, and defeat him. We went to your place because our "boss" said that Kato might be of help.
Dorian: Well, go ahead and take him. He's starting to piss me off anyways. You might want to check this person out (Hands card to Connery)
Connery: Mishter H. Rudolph? But...
Moonshine: With SAVINGS!!!
(Sound waves from yelling kills the soldiers who left...and badly injures Adam)
Hinoa: Just don't try Dorian's cookies.
(Hinoa uses the Cox family powers of extreme sarcasm to heal Adam)
Dorian: Now what about H. Rudolph?
Connery: He'sh the toughesht man here - scarred from the firesh of hell for an expected eternity until he roshe from hish grave with the help of the adminishtratorsh...
(Trousers trips and loses his brain.)
(Hinoa grabs Trouser's arm)
Hinoa: The grown ups have to do some stuff now, Tiffany, and you're going to need to come along.
(Switch scenes abruptly to a rooftops in Paris. A large burned creature wearing torn black tie apparel is jumping across them. Han and Adam are trying to direct the creature into a trap. Adam is using a large amount of blaster fire and not hitting a single thing.)
Han: If you can't shoot it in one round don't shoot at all!
Adam: What if I do it in a clip?
Han: (smacks head)
(Han shoots a tile and the creature doubles back into a trap which drags the creature into Corsaire's ship. Switch scenes to several minutes later. They are coasting on the ocean. Hinoa is sitting in a room of the ship, tending to Trousers by giving him a bottle on a string. Before closing the lid he notices that a ripple is forming.)
Hinoa: (Giving milk to Trousers) Well, it looks like they might need me again.
(Hinoa walks down to the depths of the ship where the brig is and meets up with Connery along the way, who is also going to the brig. They greet eachother as they walk.)
Hinoa: Bond boy.
(When they reach the brig, they see the creature chained up with several members of the Grue Army trying to hold him down. The creature is whipping them with chains and beating them away. Corsaire and Han are near the door, watching as they try to get this creature under control.)
Corsaire: If you value your life, I suggest going to the deli on the upper level. They've got ze good shit. (Smacked by Han)
Connery: Hinoa, have you ever wondered what happensh when one getsh banned permanantly?
Hinoa: If I did I wouldn't have as many accidents.
Connery: Well, you're looking at it.
(The creature whacks out a bottle of brandy which was in Connery's pocket. Smashing it to the floor.)
Connery: Oh, it'sh on now, bitch!
(Connery tackles the creature to the floor and activates the buzzsaw from his watch.)
Connery: Doctor Rudolf, or should I shay Mishter H, you shouldn't haf done that.
Mr. H: Okay OKAY! Uncle! Uncle!
Connery: We were going to gif you amneshty, but now I think I'll go back on that.
Mr. H: AAAAAAA!
(Mr. H transforms into Dr. Rudolf, a relatively normal looking man if it weren't for his torn clothes)
Rudolf: (gasping) What do you want?
Connery: Dorian shaid you were a man that could help ush shtop Dr. Shtrangeherr.
Rudolf: I can't really do much.
Hinoa: Other than turn into a horrible monster.
Rudolf: Yeah. But fuck that. He's an asshole. I can't even watch porn anymore because he hogs my body every freaking time I insert the tape. I can't look at myself in the mirror without seeing his ugly mug either. Heck, he possesses me. Every time I go on a date...
(Flashback occurs. Rudolf is at a nightclub in Paris. A beautiful woman comes up to him.)
Woman: You must be Rudolf!
Rudolf: Doctor Rudolf at your service.
Woman: Why are you a doctor?
Rudolf: Well thats a funny sto-YOU HAVE NICE TITS!
(The woman slaps him. Flashback ceases.)
Connery: You shtill have to pay for my brahndy, Rudolf.
(Rest of group comes in)
Adam: Now, Indy, I finish that swordfight! <gets out a sword>
Indy: Oh yeah? <gets out sword>
(Swordfight. Indy knocks Adams sword out of his hands, sword lands in Garm)
Shandion: OH MY GOD YOU KILLED GARM!!! YOU BASTARDS!!!
Priest: God says Garm has strange powers.
(Garm comes back to life, flies, and smashes a titanium picture frame)
Adam: Everyone, we seem to have forgotten two crucial things: WE JUST STARTED WORLD WAR THREE AND ARE WANTED IN MULTIPLE COUNTRIES!!!
Emmzed: I can't believe I forgot that!!!
(Scene switch to above the ship. A bomb is falling on the ship. Credits roll.)