User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/123
Episode #123 VFD's Kitchen (Part I of IV)
(Episode starts in the Worst Ever Hospital. Froggy is standing, having killed the doctors)
Nurse: Ooh, cool, poison darts!!! We need some here for operations.
(Froggy leaves the hospital out of the window, and falls. Fall is coushioned by an OuroborosDonuts stand. The stand is wrecked.)
OuroborosDonuts Cashier: I just set this thing up again after a guy fell on it and died!!!
(The cashier gets out a sword, and attempts to hit Froggy with it. She misses.)
Froggy: Ribbit to die.
(Froggy shoots a poison dart at the cashier, killing her)
(Froggy calls the leading officer of a Grue Army squad on his cell phone)
Froggy: This ribbit Froggy. Change position. Prepare to assault San Fransisco. American enemies ribbit there.
Officer: OK SIR!!
(Phone call ends)
Froggy: Ribbitin' A!.
(Froggy hops off to the O'Donalds the group is in. He opens the doors and enters.)
Adam: Oh great.
(Suddenly, Alka'anad barges in)
Alka'anad: I want half of my brain back.
Froggy: No ribbiting way!
Adam: There is only one way to settle this...
Kim: VFD's Kitchen?
(Chef Demsey walks in)
Demsey: Okay, the teams are nine each. Red team is Cheney, Rumsfeld, Robert, Bush, Capercorni, Alka'anad, Tortilla, Dr. Moneysign, and some random guard.
Random guard: Me!! ME!!!
Demsey: Blue team is Starnes, Froggy, Kim, Kato Gray, Aquarii, Mhale, Benson, Priest, and Rene.
Kim: Goo goo cooking time!!!
Demsey: We shall be cooking in my restaurant called VFD's Kitchen, or as some call it, Club Hel.
Demsey: No, mine's better, it has bathrooms.
Alka'anad: Oh thank goodness, I got to take a mad wizz.
Random guard: And I care why?
Alka'anad: Because I have two broken legs, and will break your legs if you don't shut up.
Random Guard: ...
Demsey: Well...let's get on with the show. We don't have a large budget, so we got chef haloween costumes instead of real dress. Suit up. The ones with the red sharpie over them are for the red team, and the ones in the blue are for the blue team, if you don't have the brains to figure that out.
Alka'anad: Are you making fun of me?
Trousers: Can I join?
Alka'anad: Oh, that answers the question.
(Trousers is kicked out of the kitchen)
Demsey: That Trousers fellow does make great spaghetti, though. Somebody throw him into the pantry! Or even better, add him to the blue team and Argon to the red team! We have an extra outfit for each!
Stagehand: Sir, that's over our budget.
Demsey: Damn...well, I guess you'll just have to settle for these then.
(Demsey scribbles red team on one sheet of paper, and blue team on the other, then gives the first sheet to Argon, and the other to Trousers)
Demsey: Okay, everyone! Chefs, get to your kitchens on the correct sides of the restaurant. Butlers go to the general side your team is on. Ready?
(Everyone goes where they're supposed to go except for Trousers, who is dragged to the right spot by Hinoa)
Trousers: Weee! This game is fun!
Hinoa: If this is one this is one hell of one.
(Demsey lets in the customers. Sensei and Zatoichi lead the customers to proper tables. A man named Ed Kaine comes into the restaurant and goes with Zatoichi to a table)
Zatoichi: Looks like you'll be dining in the aquatic room today sir!
(After bumping through a few tables Zatoichi leads Kaine to the bathroom)
Kaine: Um...this is the bathroom.
Zatoichi: Shit! Well, we'll just put you in the main area then.
(Zatoichi leads him to the blue team's side.)
Zatoichi: Your waiter should be here any moment.
(Sargent Mhale comes to Ed's table in a suit with a pen and notepad, though he still has a green drill instructor hat)
Mhale: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT ON YOUR FANCY-ASS PLATE DIRTBAG!?
Kaine: Uh, some spaghetti, maybe. And can I come to the kitchen to get an autograph from the Holy Benson?
(Kaine is taken into the kitchen, and given an autograph)
Trousers: OK PEOPLE, I DISLIKE THE LACK OF WORK HERE!!! I AM TAKING OVER THIS KITCHEN!!! BENSON AND ZATOICHI, YOU ARE MY SECOND-IN-COMMANDS!!! NOW, I WILL MAKE THE SPAGHETTI!!! MHALE, YOU ARE THE WAITER!!! EVERYONE ELSE, COOK THE FOOD WELL!!! I DON'T LIKE BAD FOOD!!!
Zatoichi: Who taught you how to lead?
Trousers: Mhale did. I WILL OVERSEE THE FOOD!!! DON'T MAKE ANY MISTAKES!!!
Mhale: WOW, I SURE TAUGHT THAT GUY WELL!!!
Trousers: Using String Theory and a great tomato and crab sauce, I will make the great spaghetti I make well.
(Trousers cooks spaghetti, and Mhale takes it to Kaine. Kaine starts to eat it.)
Mhale: ENJOY YOUR WUSSY FOOD, MAGGOT!
Kaine: Wow!!! This spaghetti is great!!!
Demsey: Note that there will be 10 customers here for each team. Whichever team gets more satisfied customers wins this round. Other team loses a member.
(Meanwhile, in the red team's kitchen)
Cheney: NO, ARGON! WE DON'T USE FLAMETHROWERS IN THE KITCHEN!
(Customer orders flame-grilled chicken salad)
Argon: I'll make the chicken and Capercorni will toss the salad.
(Argon burns some chicken, and then chops it up and puts it in the salad. Capercorni shoots the salad)
Capercorni: TOSS, SALAD, TOSS!!! HA HA HA!!!
(Dr. Moneysign serves the salad)
Dr. Moneysign: Remember to give me a tip.
Customer: The chicken is very overdone, and buckshot is in the salad. Ack. No tip.
(Dr. Moneysign kicks the customer)
Customer: Ok, ok, a small tip. <gives Dr. Moneysign a dollar>
Dr. Moneysign: YAY!!! MONEY!!!
(Suddenly, Froggy is flung out of the Blue Kitchen)
Mhale: NO ROLLING IN THE SALAD, FROGGY!!!
Demsey: YOU RED TEAM GUYS NEED TO IMPROVE QUICKLY!!!
(Hot and spicy grilled cheese and chicken ordered, Random Guard cooks it, it is taken to a customer)
Customer: Actually better than average.
(Back in the Blue Kitchen, the Blue Team is doing very well, until a disastrous bit of cooking happens.)
Priest: Hell, coming through my divine hamburger, AAAAAAAAAA!!!
Rene: Your hamburger is on fire. Who cares?
Trousers: CLEAN THAT UP IMMEDIATELY, AND MAKE A BETTER ONE!!! NOW!!! NOW!!!
Kim: Goo goo better.
(Kim makes a much better burger than Priest did. Skip a lot of meals. Demsey is speaking to both groups.)
Demsey: Ok, Red Team, you sucked. Only 3 out of 10 customers were satisfied. I mean, you used flamethrowers in the kitchen! The only good cook in that kitchen I know about is the guard.
Random guard: YES!!!
Demsey: Blue Team, you didn't do much better. 5 out of 10 customers were satisfied. Simply, Red Team, select someone to kick out of the team.
Everyone else but Bush: We need someone with an IQ over 1 as the president. Bush for sure.
Demsey: Bush, you sucked.
Bush: What does sucked mean? And how do you use that spatula thing?
Demsey: Bush, you are out.
(Portrait of Bush is taken down. Dramatic music cues as he takes off his Chef costume.)
Bush: Do I still get candy?
Demsy: (giving one candy to Bush) Here's an old cough drop I found in my pocket.
Capercorni: <shooting Bush's portrait> DOWN, PORTRAIT, DOWN!!! HA HA HA!!!
Demsey: Well, I guess it's on to the next round, then.