User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/125
Episode 125: VFD's Kitchen Part III
(Episode starts with Jed spitting out the Red Team's food)
Jed Ravent: I can't eat this! IT HAS A NEEDLE IN IT!
Guard: Uh, yeah, that was what we cooked.
(Jed eats the Blue Team's food)
Jed: Almost as bad as the needle!
Demsey: Well, there we have it. The Blue Team wins. Red Team, vote somebody off.
(Everyone points to Dr. Moneysign)
Dr. Moneysign: Why are you pointing at me?
Demsey: You can't really vote him off, he's just the butler. If you listened to his advice then it's your own damned fault.
Cheney: Well, who do we have left?
Guard: Tortilla has not done a thing.
Everyone else on Red Team, including Alka'anad: TORTILLA, YOU SUCK!!!
Benson: TORTILLA, YOU SUCK!!!
(Tortilla's portrait is taken down, a few rounds go by.)
Demsey: We have 4 people. No more teams. Guard, Alka'anad, Trousers, and Froggy, the winner at the end of 3 rounds wins the brain and their own resturaunt. Everyone, your next challenge is to make meals quickly. We have implanted four pricks into each side of the restaurant who want big complicated and rather exceptional meals and they want them quickly. By 'exceptional', I mean that they will tell the waiters to exclude and add things and such. The person which satisfies them the least is out. Got that? GO!
Guard: Just one question: What resturaunt?
Demsey: The Huge Spaghetti Cafe, known best for the fact that all staff there wear red shirts.
Trousers: Spaghetti is good. My own restaurant would be nice.
Demsey: Stop babbling and get to your kitchens. I'd like to get home by four today so I can see the Mrs.
(Everyone gets into their kitchen. The waiters start to take orders. Mhale goes to Prick #1 on behalf of Trousers.)
Prick #1: I want your spaghetti sandwich with italian bread hold the sauce with eggless noodle and some fries on the side. Do not skip out on the butter and I would like some garlic seasoning. To drink I want a Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet'N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice. Got that tiny?
Mhale: RIGHT AWAY, PRICK!
Prick #1: I'm not a prick!
(Mhale gives the orders to Trousers. Meanwhile Dr. Moneysign gets the orders for Alka'anad)
Prick #2: I want your alkaline sandwich with extra beef garlic bread no acid extra turkey fries no butter. Extra spinach. My drink should be the moneybag milkshake because I am really stinking rich.
Dr. Moneysign: If you are rich, then I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!!!
Prick #2: You want me to give you money. Well, no.
Dr. Moneysign: DAMMIT!!!
(Dr. Moneysign gives the orders to Alka'anad, and then gets the orders for Guard)
Prick #3: I would like a slice of cheese.
Dr. Moneysign: Sounds easy enough.
Prick #3: The cheese has to be Brie, melted on the best bread here, and served with a chocolate milkshake with no chocolate.
Dr. Moneysign: But... but that's impossible!
Prick #3: I don't care. That's what I want.
(Dr. Moneysign writes down the order and gives it to the Guard. Mhale takes down the orders for Froggy from the final Prick.)
Mhale: WE HAVE A SPECIAL COURSE IN PAIN IN THE FACE, WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO GIVE YOU A SAMPLE?!
Prick #4: Only if that course comes with melted noodles and a coffee to go, to be exact the decaf super-caffinated coffee with extra poison.
(The orders are given to the chefs, and they cook the meals...but disaster strikes! Froggy falls into the decaf super-caffinated coffee and crawls out. The food is given, the pricks eat.)
Demsey: All customers over here please.
(Pricks 1, 2, and 3 come over)
Demsey: ALL CUSTOMERS HERE NOW!!!
(Prick 4 does not come)
Demsey: I'll check on the fourth customer.
(Demsey goes over to the fourth prick, and...the prick...is...DEAD!)
Demsey: What the hell did he order?
(Mhale gives him the order. Demsey reads through it.)
Demsey: Oh. Well this is his own damned fault then. Unfortunately I have to disqualify Froggy even though I'm quite sure he was satisfied.
Froggy: That ribbit was a ribbit prick!
Mhale: THAT DAMN DIRTBAG ORDERED POISON, DAMMIT!
Demsey: Well, he may have been a complete idiot, but dead customer means disqualification.
(Argon goes running in to take down Froggy's portrait.)
Argon: IT IS LULZFLAME TIME!!! <burns up Froggy's portrait>
(Argon is kicked out)
Demsey: It is time for the next challenge. Cook without cookware. We will be inviting authentic medievalist Olde Lucas just for the occasion.
Lucas: Þy hast many a þanks for bringeðing me to the shœ
Demsey: Right, whatever. Lucas will order something and you'll have to cook it like the little boy scouts you are. He will taste all of hte dishes and see which ones he likes best.
Lucas: I would likeþ þe rœst witch wiþ a side order of ðese so called French Fries, and a medium Coke.
Demsey: You heard Luke. Get to your kitchens!
Lucas: Who is þis Luke, character you speak of?
Demsey: Don't worry about it.
(Disaster strikes, as Alka'anad slips and breaks his arms as well as damages his already-broken legs.)
Demsey: Can you still cook?
Alka'anad: All my limbs are fucking broken. Does it look like I can cook?
Demsey: Another one bites the dust.
(Alka'anad's portrait is taken down, but if falls and smashes in two. A crew takes it out of the restaurant)
Demsey: Well, that just leaves Trousers and the Guard to duke it out.
(Closeups of the faces of the two final contestants ensues)
Narrator: Who will win this season of VFD's kitchen? Will it be the Guard, the competent underling of several supervillians throughout the series, or will it be Trousers, the incompetent idiot master chef that is expected to win simply because he's on the good side? Find out after this commercial bre-
Demsey: Oh shutup before I come behind there and beat you with a metal cricket paddle!