User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/126
Episode 126: The final
Countdown round of VFD's kitchen! Bonus political rambling included!
(Episode starts in VFD's Kitchen. All of the cookware has been thrown in the trash.)
Demsey: Now, START COOKING!!!
(Guard and Trousers each go to a kitchen. They plan their cooking)
Trousers: Definitely mystic string power.
Guard: I'll put my clean new red shirt on the food. The lasers that random people will shoot at it will cook it.
(They start cooking, when disaster str-
Director: We heard that 50 million times already, dammit!!! Try something new!
(They start cooking, when Trousers makes a big mistake. His trousers fall into the food and are cooked as part of it, and Trousers fails to notice.)
Trousers: String string string.
(The meals are served.)
Demsey: Trousers, where are your trousers?
Trousers: Uh, oops! <runs away>
Demsey: Lets see how Lucas likes it.
(Lucas eats Guard's meal, then can't eat Trousers' trousers.)
Lucas: Is ðat a pare of knickers I se-eþ on my plæt? I can not eateþ ðis!
Demsey: The winner is obvious. Guard, YOU WIN!!!
Guard: Yay!!! Froggy can keep the brain, though. I just want the resturaunt!!!
(Alka'anad runs in, shoots Guard to death, then trips and is taken on a strecher to the Worst Ever Hospital)
(Priest runs in and revives Guard...again. Suddenly, the Prime Minister of Canada runs in, and blows up the ovens)
Adam: Remember, all Canadians, vote NDP!!! Because they won't go insane like this!!!
Moonshine: No, vote for the Marajuana Party of Canada.
C: Vote for COMMUNISM!!!
(Han punches C)
Demsey: Alright. Guard, get a team of interns and a few butlers as well. This is your restaurant now. The Huge Spaghetti Cafe. Let's stop filming this I want to go and take a shit.
Guard: Woo! Everyone in both groups gets a meal here on the house just as soon as the ovens are repaired!
Adam: But Alka'anad is stuck in the hospital!
Gaurd: He shot me so that bastard doesn't get anything.
Adam: But then not everybody can be served!
Gaurd: Please don't be a smartass.
(Aquarii repairs the ovens. Everyone eats.)
Lucas: Whateþ is ðis þing called a "soft drink"?
(A team of Wikipedians busts through a side of the restaurant armed with rifles.)
Wikipedian: Operation started.
Guard: What the hell is going on?
(Citezendium men walk through the front doors with guns.)
Citizenidian: You're not getting away that easily.
Butler: The head chef has requested all of you to leave.
Benson: SUPER YELL!!!!
(Benson's yell knocks out the Wikipedians and Citizendians, except for two.)
Jimbo Wales: You may be a diety, but thanks to the Sir Uncyclopedia incident, the Wikipedians diefied me. Every last one. Beat that, Benson. Wait a minute, I sense a powerful source of deity power in here...like a high-powered diety...
Benson: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!!
Jimbo: Not you, Benson, someone else...
(A bald man stands up)
Larry Sanger: Me?
Jimbo: You? No, Larry. You are a pathetic loser. I sense more power than me from one person...
(The restaurant is completely silent. Closups on Larry, Jimbos, Benson's, and Priests faces are shown, as well as a closeup in Trousers' backpack. A butler is washing a cup, making a squeaking noise.)
(Priest's eyes start glowing)
Moonshine: Is this a hallicunation, or are Priest's eyes glowing?
Guard: Priest, your eyes are glowing.
Jimbo: Now I sense something from Trousers' backpack...a small amount of deity power inside it...as well as that huge source I have already seen coming from...that guy with the glowing eyes.
Guard: I should have known.
(Chronos and Sharifah suddenly appear, and a string jumps out of Trousers' backpack and grows)
String: I am Stringus, god of strings!!
(Jimbo pounds Stringus hard)
Chronos: Prepare for war, Jimbo. I gifted Benson with a powerful yell.
Sharifah: I gifted Argon with the ability to use 30 flamethrowers at a time. WAR!!!
Larry: Uh, uh-oh.
Chronos: I brought a great knight back to life.
(Sir Uncyclopedia runs inside)
Priest: I say I will just be neutral.
Adam: Good. The forces are the ED forces led by Sharifah, the Uncyclopedian Forces led by Chronos, the Wikipedian Forces led by Jimbo, and the tiny force from Citizendium led by Larry. Note that this will have no effect on the wikis. The winner gets a 5% increase to their power, as well as the 1% bonus to their health.
Stringus: What about me?
Adam: You are alone. Now, I am taking the neutral path, just reporting on the combat and taking out anybody who attacks me. Current Status: Trousers' backpack is controlled by Stringus, ED is controlled by Sharifah, Citizendium is controlled by Larry, Wikipedia is controlled by Jimbo, and Uncyclopedia is controlled by Chronos. None of the neutral territories are controlled by anyone. Let the battle...begin.
(Larry grabs a knife and cuts Stringus in two.)
Adam: Larry has taken out Stringus. Trousers' backpack is a deity power area now controlled by Larry. (types data on laptop)
Han: Why do you get to be referee!?!
Adam: Because I am the only one who signed up to be one!!
(A Citizendian shoots a Wikipedian)
Adam: In each country and each main deity location, the source of power may be captured only by a force that totally dominates the area at the time, meaning that the forces of your enemies must be fought out of the area. There.
Chronos: Oh no. We're not doing it your way. We're doing it my way!
Sharifah: Oh not the-
(Jimbo, Sharifah, Chronos, Stringus, and Larry are transported to a Roman colleseum. Emperor Nero presides.)
Sharifah: colluseum again...
Nero: LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
(A Wikipedian in Gladiator dress comes up)
Wikipedian: For we about to die, salute you!
(Wikipedian is mauled down by a /b/ull Elephant)
Nero: Yeah, whatever. Entertain me. Let us go to our first event! (Eats grapes)
Nero: Jimbo, there will be two doors ahead of you. One will lead to a mountain lion which will promtly maul you. The other will lead to a showing of Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. You will be provided with no weapons.
Jimbo: How do I win then?
Nero: You don't. By the way, Chronos, you need to pay me 50 billion deity credits.
Chronos: I don't believe there are that many in the world.
Nero: No colluseum then!!!
(The deities are transported back to the Huge Spaghetti Cafe)
Adam: Okay, I am still the referee. LET THE BATTLE REBEGIN!!!
(Nero pops in by way of fire)
Nero: Not now you don't.
Sharifah: Dammit Chronos!
Nero: You're going to wash spears until you've paid off what little you got from the colleseum, including janitorial services for that squashed Wikipedian.
(They're transported to a room under the colleseum with a large tub with water slightly colored red)
Nero: Now clean before I burn off Jimbo's wig!
Larry: Jimbo has a wig?
Jimbo: Yeah, funny story about that...
(Everyone uses their deity powers to clean the spears)
Nero: Now, GET OUT!!!
(The deities are put back in the Huge Spaghetti Cafe.)
Adam: Let the battle begin...again! Get in your planes everyone, and prepare for a huge aerial war of the dieties!!! It is all about control of the air!!! All soldiers get a plane each as well!! I am the referee!!
(Everyone gets in planes, and then there is a load of crashing. Only one left after a while is Stringus.)
Adam: Next round!!!
(Priest revives everyone. 6 rounds go by)
Adam: And the winner is...STRINGUS!?! But he only won one round! SECURITY!!! SHOW ME THE TAPES!!!
Guard: The camera was broken by the culprit.
Adam: Then get a detective!!!
(Guard goes and gets five people: Bush, Diem, Kato, C, and Alka'anad.)
Adam: What can you do, Bush?
Bush: Our enemy never stops thinking of new ways to harm our country, and neither do we.
Adam: Learn the English Language, and then maybe you can come back. Diem?
Diem: I can turn the obvious commie culprit into Vietnamese Express credit cards.
Adam: I want the culprit to be taken alive. C?
C: I can use COMMUN-
(Han, Diem, and Adam all punch C)
Alka'anad: I can sneak around well... (tries to sneak around, but trips and breaks his leg that just recovered)
Adam: We need someone who has non-broken limbs. Kato Grey?
Kato: Well, I can do a lot, like eat.
Adam: No. Next!
Guard: I'll go get some more people.
(Guard gets Johnny)
Johnny: I am Detective Johnny, master detect...ooh, a yellow crayon!!!
Adam: Well, you seem to be the best I have seen. I will pay you $100 dollars to solve the case.
(Johnny seems to think about the offer)
Johnny: I'll...take the case.
(Credits finally roll)