User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/138

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Episode #138: The Klotski Kallir Part III: Season Finale[edit]

(Episode starts outiside the police station. A SWAT van is visible. Characters are talking on the back side of the van, facing forward on the camera, left of the police station.)

Brad: I want every man, including Officer L, to storm that building. Don't be afraid of using extreme force, boys. We can always say they were coming at us anyway. You aren't hurting the LR6 battery in your taser either.

Ronalds: Yessir!

L: We'll do our best to make them hurt.

Brad: Even the hostages?

L: Even the hostages. I didn't play seven hours of Counter-Strike daily for nothing.

Brad: That's the spirit! Now move out.

(L gets in the van. Ronalds closes the door and rides on the bumper, grasping the door handle.)

Ronalds: Don't worry!

(As they speed away, Brad starts walking towards the police station. He takes a large puff from a cigarette, then pops open his cell phone.)

Brad: Twenty bucks they don't make it.

(Meanwhile, back at the complex, Zatoichi has made is way back, and finds his way into Han's room. Han is still on the floor, but Zatoichi, blind, cannot see him. He walks into the room and trips over Han's body.)

Zatoichi: Why do people not clean up after themselves? Sure, you can duel someone to death but at least have the decency of cleaning up their body after you're done! Other people use bathrooms too, you know!

(Zatoichi stands up, and turns around. He then feels around, and tries to pick up Han's body)

Zatoichi: Wow, this is heavy. Like a soldier after he dies to enemy soldiers.

(Zatoichi picks up Han's body, and walks ahead, towards the blender. He slips on the dead chicken which Han ate to find the key)

Zatoichi: Wooooooah!

(Zatoichi slides onto a part of the floor made of rotten particle board, it breaks due to the weight and they fall into a pit made of spikes. The TV turns on, and we see the Klotski Kallir's puppet. Closeup on puppet on screen.)


(Flip camera. Priest is visibly failing to fight the theraputic voice from the television.)

Priest: Mustn't...fall...asleep... (Head goes limp, falls back on chair, snapping sound heard)

Sagan (on television): Imagine the speed of light like - leaning back - on your chair, while getting a lap dance from a space hooker. But be careful, leaning back - too far - on the chair might cause you to fall back, and possibly snap your neck.

(Camera flip to Engelsfair)

Engelsfair: Looks like it's about time...

(Engelsfair unplugs the PC. The Klotski Kallir appears on his mini television.)

Kallir: Excellent. Now he'll have to fumble for the plug!

Engelsfair: Now what about my antidote?

Kallir: What antidote?

Engelsfair: The antidote you were supposed to give me after I finished the task.

Kallir: Oh. That...(Pause. Then deep breath...) What if I were to tell you it was a bomb?

Engelsfair: BOMB?!

(A beeping sound is heard. Camera flip to Aquarii, who hears the beeping and wakes up from his knocked out state.)

Aquarii: IT'S IN THE MAN!

Keira: What?

Aquarii: THE BOMB!

(The wall explodes. He runs outside with a 9mm pistol, and into the Klotski Kallir's Porsche)

Keira: Wait for-

(He hotwires it quickly and accelerates. Dust lands on Kiera's face. She coughs)

Keira: Ass.

(Kim comes wandering out)

Kim: Where daddy go? Where BOMB is?

(Camera flip to Han's corpse. Han's corpse explodes. Camera flip back to Kim and Keira.)

Keira: Well, at least you don't seem to have your father's powers...

(Camera flip to 20000 leagues under the Earth's crust, inside a nuclear powered submarine...)

Phillipe: (Looking at radar screen) We've got a lock on zem, sir!

Jacques: (Puffing on cigarrete) Fire ze torpedo!

(Camera flip to outside submarine. A torpedo fires upwards, hitting the ground and exploding. An alarm goes off. Inside the submarine, dirt starts to pile in while men attempt to patch the hole. Camera flip to inside the complex. Closeup on Cerid, who has knocked herself out on a pipe. Closeup to Adam, who takes the watergun and squirts water around his handcuff, allowing him to escape.)

Adam: (Closeup) Now to get Klotski...

(Adam takes Cerid in his arms, and leaves the room. Camera flip to a room not seen yet in the complex. It is white and relatively clean. An old man, the Klotski Kallir, is on a hospital bed. He dips a USB memory stick in paint and swallows it, then starts choking. Switch to outside the complex. The SWAT Team as just arrived. Cue Hello Zepp. Ronalds opens the doors of his van, L and a few other SWAT team members come out and immediately tackle Kiera and Kim)


(SWAT Officer L tases them. They scream. Ronalds pistol whips L)

L: Ow!

Ronalds: You dolt! You don't tase someone until they're tackled and defenseless! That way you can say that deadly force was necessary because they're struggling on the ground! Do I have to send you to the RCMP to be taught the proper use of a taser again!?!

L: No sir!

Ronalds: Well don't just stand there! Go with the team and get everyone else!

L: Yes sir!

(L commands the other team members to follow him into the complex. Ronalds handcuffs Kiera and Kim and throws them in the back of the van. Ronalds then follows the team.)

SWAT Officer #1: What was the point of that?

SWAT Officer #2: I don't think there was a point.

SWAT Officer #3: We learned how to use tasers from the RCMP. Remember what they taught?

SWAT Officer #1: Oh, right. They taught us to use deadly force.

Froggy: Arf.

(SWAT Officer #2 opens a flip to Kim and Keira. Kim starts moving, not stunned anymore.)


(Camera flip back to the SWAT team. SWAT Officer #2's head explodes.)

SWAT Officer #1: ...This is not like Kallir.

SWAT Officer L: I'm sure I heard crying for some reason...

SWAT Officer #3: Probably a trap. What next, Ronalds?

Ronalds: Lets keep going.

(Camera flip to a small room full of cleaning supplies. The SWAT team enters the room.)

SWAT Officer L: These could be useful.

Ronalds: Yes. Yes, they could be.

SWAT Officer #1: I'll guard the room.

Ronalds: Then do that.

(SWAT Officer #1 stays in the room as the rest of the team moves on. The team gets to Adam and Cerid.)

Ronalds: Drop the girl, Kallir.

Adam: I'm not the Klotski Kallir. I'm Adam Uncyclop! Don't you recognize me, Ronalds?

Ronalds: Stop playing mind games with me and drop the girl, or I tase you.

Adam: So, that's the way you want to do this, huh? Well, then...

(Adam places Cerid on the floor...)

Ronalds: Okay...

(...and then Adam punches Ronalds in the face!)

Adam: I didn't play seven hours of Grand Theft Auto daily for nothing!

(Ronalds takes out his taser...)

SWAT Officer #3: What am I supposed to do, L?

SWAT Officer L: Help stop the Klotski Kallir!

(...and Adam grabs it and tases Ronalds to death!)

SWAT Officer L: Okay, RUN!!!

(The SWAT officers run away. SWAT Officer #3 crashes into a wall, knocking himself out. Adam picks up Cerid.)

Adam: I'm getting out of here!

(Camera flip from captive to captive, showing the living ones escaping. Camera flip to SWAT Officer #1, who has built a bomb.)

SWAT Officer #1: I'm blowing this place up. The end shall come to Kallir.

(SWAT Officer #1 starts the bomb, which blows up instantly, killing him and blowing the building up. Camera flip to the survivors outside.)

Demsey: That (bleep)er is going to pay for this!

(Cerid stands up, concious.)

Adam: We...have escaped.

(A rescue team comes, finding Han's corpse and Zatoichi's corpse in the rubble, but not Kallir's.)

Rescuer: What the heck!?!

(Adam gets Kiera and Kim out of the van)

L: I'll get you for this! (runs away)

(Credits roll)

View the next season


Season One:

ABOUT - 55 - 56 - 57 - 58 - 59 - 60 - 61 - 62 - 63 - 64 - 65 - 66 - 67 - 69 - 70 - 71 - 72 - 73 - 75 - 76 - 77 - 78 - 79 - 80 - 81 - 82 - 83 - 84 - 85 - 86 - 87 - 88 - 89 - 90 - 91 - 95 - 97 - 100 - 102 - 104 - 105 - 106 - 107 - 108 - 109 - 110 - 111 - 112 - Season Finale

Season Two:

114 - 115 - 116 - 117 - 118 - 119 - 120 - 121 - 122 - 123 - 124 - 125 - 126 - 127 - 128 - 129 - 131 - 137 - Season Finale

Season Three:

149 - 150 - 155 - 162 - 163 - 164 - 165 - 166 - 167 - 168 - 169 - 170 - 171 - 172 - 173 - 174 - 175 - 176 - 177 - 178 - 179 - Season Finale

Season Four:

181 -

Episode lists and summary - List of characters - Auditions - In-Jokes

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