User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/150
TYATU:Episode 150: Adam Revealed
(This episode starts with Adam and Annie prepared to fight in front of the ruins of the Soson house.)
Nikita: Where the <bleep> did you get clones?
Froggy: Ribbit WTRibbitF!
Sensei: I don't want to know...
Benson: I DO!
Demsey: <bleep> you! Clones are for <bleep>ing donkeys!
Adam: Long story.
Annie: What are you?
Adam: You don't want to know.
(Annie shoots Adam in the groin.)
Adam: (Whispering) Owie...that...was not...nice...young...lady. I want you to go to your...room...now...
(Adam falls to the ground face first. Helicopters are heard, and a large number of assorted military vehicles come into the area. A scientist and soldier come out of an APC)
Soldier: Point to the man that stole the device, Dr. Fagit.
Fagit: Up there, in the window.
(Camera goes to the window. Dr. Skullpounder is there)
Skullpounder: Oh BOB SAGET!
(Skullpounder pulls out Han's frozen in carbomite block and attempts to push it out the window to crush the APC.)
Nikita: What's that yahoo pushing out the window?
Annie: Say, that looks like...
Soldier: Oh, and little girl, drop the shotgun. You have essentially declared war with every country in the world.
(Skullpounder succeeds in pushing the carbonite block out the window, crushing the soldier, and cracking the block in half. Han falls out.)
Han: God damn, my head hurts! Wait...why is Annie holding a shotgun, why is Adam on the ground, why am I surrounded by bloody carbonite, and why are armies aiming guns at Annie? Better yet, why am I here? We should be at Dr. Strangherr's base, killing his minions, and beating his brains out.
Annie: Dad! now I don't have to live with that adam loser...
(Adam stands up)
Adam: Now, now you have started a war. With the rest of the world, in fact.
(More armies come, from all over the world)
Annie: I started World War Three by shooting a guy that wanted to rape me?
Adam: No, you started World War Three by shooting a guy who had an insane sex-crazed clone that wanted to rape you. Darn Kosovo cloning machines, not working right...
Han: What the heck is going on?
Annie: Dad, can we go home now? This sucks.
Adam: Even though you have no home now, seeing as my clone crashed into your home, killing your mother and brother?
Adam: My least controllable clone went insane.
(Han takes out a stress ball)
Han: At least I have insurance, at least I have insurance, at least I have insurance...
Han: Aw screw this.
(Han punches Adam so hard in the jaw that it almost falls off.)
Adam: You just became an enemy of every country in the world.
(More armies come)
Random Soldier: Shoot the attacker!
Moonshine: With SAVINGS!!!???
Soldier: No, with guns.
(Han continues bashng Adam, until a tank comes and shoots at Han)
Han: I can't believe a tank missed me. Anyway...
(Han presses a button on his belt)
Han: Okay. There' s an Ion Cannon Satelite up there in the sky. Fire one shot, one round, you all die.
(Adam takes out a cellphone and calls someone)
Adam: Hello...yes, I am Brian Cosavero...look, I have reasons to believe that one of our soldiers, Han Soson, is actually a Nod spy...he is threatening me with an Ion Cannon...deactivate it...yes...okay...goodbye.
Han: HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
Adam: Oh yes, I can. I am the leader of every country on Earth except for the US.
Han: Wait, what?
Adam: The US goes with my goals without my leadership.
Adam: After all, they do cause chaos.
Han: WHAT THE <BLEEP>!?!
Han:Well, there's the Oribital Laser Strike...
(He shoots Adam's hands, disabling them. He presses the button on his radio, and Adam suddenly regenerates.)
Adam: I'm a super-soldier, too.
Han: This is NOT fair.
Han: ARMIES! HE IS MORE POWERFUL THAN ALL OF YOU! SHOOT HIM!
(The armies all aim at Adam.)
Adam: Guys, you are aware that I lead all of your countries, right?
(The armies all aim and shoot at Han)'
(Han falls... and falls on the orbital strike trigger. It ocunts down three seconds.)
Adam: Kill all witnesses...
(Then the orbital strike takes out the entire American, British, and Australian armies, as well as Adam's head. However, Adam's head regenerates.)
Adam: Ha! Lets see Kane try to beat that! Also, I still have armies.
(Camera flip to Alka'anad in the apartment building)
Alka'anad: Hey, guys, I got the old mind control chip to work on Adam! I really did!
(Camera flip to the battlefield)
Annie: I'm going to take cover in that apartment building over there...
(Annie enters the apartment, and bumps into Skullpounder)
Skullpounder: Where do you think you are going, little girl?
(Annie shoots Skullpounder)
Skullpounder: GUARDS! TEAMMATES! IDIOTS! EDIANS!
Alka'anad: (off camera) I can't help, because I'm in a freaking wheelchair with 5 broken limbs!
Skullpounder: I assume you mean 4 broken limbs.
(Annie runs upstairs, and shoots assorted EDians and guards.)
Annie: Ha ha ha!
(...Then is knocked unconscious with a tire iron.)
Argon: That was easy, lulz. Hay, she lookz like Sozon. Except a girl. With brown hair. And younger.
Alka'anad: So? She could be a distraction.
Argon: Then what are we going to do with her?
Skullpounder: How about we just tie her up and hold her hostage?
Alka'anad: Meh. Okay. I'll get back to controlling Adam now.
Argon: Lulz. You do that.
(The EDians tie Annie up and tape her mouth shut.)
Alka'anad: Would you get the controller, Argon?
Argon: Get it yourself, lazy ass.
Alka'anad: Yeah. I'll go do that.
(Alka'anad manipulates his wheelchair to the table with the controls in it using his eyelid controls. He leans forward and attempts to manipulate the controls with his toungue. He leans too far forward and falls out of his wheelchair face first into the controls.)
(A beeping sound starts to come out of the control panel.)
Skullpounder: What the hell did you do, Alka'anad? Move out of the way!
(Skullpounder moves Alka'anad's face from the control panel.)
Skullpounder: You idiot! You just activated the bowel control functions!
Alka'anad: What bowel control functions?
(Skullpounder points towards a button that looks like a hammer and sickle)
Skullpounder: THESE BOWEL CONTROL FUNCTIONS!
Alka'anad: I thought that button controlled the level of communism.
Skullpounder: It does.
(Annie slowly opens her eyes....)
Skullpounder: Who are you working for!?!
Argon: She's gagged!!!
Skullpounder: Oh. (removes Annie's gag)
Annie: Where am I....
Skullpounder: In my SECRET HIDEOUT!!!
(Camera flip outside)
Demsey: Secret <bleep>ing hideout!?! (enters the apartment)
(And is hit with the same tire iron.)
Annie: W-what was that?
Skullpounder: Nothing...in MY SECRET! HIDEOUT!
Annie: Shut up.
(Demsey stands up)
(Demsey's swearing destroys the mind control machine, causing a psychic shockwave to destroy the city. Everybody is alive...)