User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/83
Episode 83: Sysop God Admin Goatse War
(This episode starts in the APC's arsenal)
Uncyclopedia Admin: TIME OUT! NO MORE GOATSE JOKES!
Engelsfair: Hey, comrade Sysop.
Han: The sysop is a commie!?!
Admin: Yes. COMMIES!
(Engelsfair and the Sysop do a Commiese.cx.)
Diem: Both your asses are now going to be on my American Express!
(Sysop bans infinitely bans Diem)
Major_Root: I, however, am not a communist. I will unban those you unban you little fascist, lawl.
(Diem is unbanned by Major_Root)
Han: Ectis... Birada... Nik-
Sysop: OH MY GOD. You just did a goatse.
(Sysop is banned by an admin, who is a Bureaucrat, and Major_Root is decommissioned as well)
(Sysop is suspended over plastic vat)
Sysop: WTF? <Bans Plastic, making it rubber>
(Sysop does SUPERHUGEGOATSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! )
(Sysop loses adminship.)
Chronos: I, Greek god of Uncyclopedia, will huff Uncyclopedia if one more goatse joke is made.
Chronos: Just joking. I love goatse jokes.
Chronos: Just joking.
(Vandal HQ ruins)
(Starnes and Robert are still asleep. Starnes wakes up, steals Robert's clothes, steals Robert's porn, and puts a picture of Engelsfair's ass during a goatse on Robert's hand)
(APCs. The APCs have re-united again, and the group is a whole. The group has started a camp in the middle of the San Fernando Desert.)
Engelsfair: Does anyone notice how COMMIE this desert is?
Everyone else: Yes.
Engelsfair: Ooh look, an oasis that is shaped like a goa...
(Everyone else pounds Engelsfair)
Froggy: Ribbit, motherfucker.
(Meanwhile in a hidden underground base somewhere east of Saigon, Diem and Shek interrogate a Vietcong)
Diem: Does he look like a bitch?
Shek: He said 'does he look like a bitch?'! Answer us when we're talking to you, foo!
(Shek slaps the Vietcong)
Vietcong: (With vibrato) y-y-yes...please don't hurt me!
Diem: Tell me where Minh is hiding!
Diem: Answer me when I'm talking to you boy!
Vietcong: Th-the San Fernando desert!
Diem: Napalm the desert, and also put this Vietcong into a vat of hot plastic and shape the plastic into a series of pens which will be used to sign checkbooks.
Murphy: I will warn you, Diem. If you choose to napalm that desert, Chronos will send you to the Netherworld if you attack that group.
Diem: Shit, you're right, and Sensei is with them... Shek!
Diem: Make sure not to hit that group in the two APCs, no matter how much I hate Engelsfair and Ronalds. Also empty the trash.
(Meanwhile, back at the desert, the group meets up with Ho Chi Minh, and they are drinking in the APC)
Minh: So, what are you supposed to do now?
Supwealuhop: We're supposed to be searching for virgins!
WoW Nerd: I'm a virgin!
(Dizberg kicks him and his two friends out of the APC)
Minh: In the desert!? You know, I could get you a few virgins myself!
Engelsfair: Communist virgins?
Minh: As a matter of fact, yes.
Murphy: Commie virgins are best.
Han: Supwealuhop, Braycat is coming to kill you...
Braycat: NAW, I'M JUST GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
Adam: Run. Now.
Engelsfair: Speaking of ass...
Everyone else: NO!
Supwealuhop: Uh oh... <runs>
(Before Supwealuhop can run, he gets beaten by Braycat)
Supwealuhop: For the love of Gandhi, not the face! NOT THE FACE!
Dizberg: Don't mess with the Shoshone, I guess...
(Bomber is in the sky, and a bomb explodes a few miles away from the APCs)
Minh: Diem...Diem wants me dead!
Benson: BENSON DOES NOT WANT TO BLOW UP. BENSON WANTS YOU TO SHOOT PLANE DOWN.
(Back at the ruins, Robert has gotten up, and looked at the picture.)
Robert: An open ass? STARNES, I WILL KILLLLLLL YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!! DAMN YOU, YOU AREN'T HERE!
(A mysterious figure appears)
Figure: So I hear you want to get rid of Starnes...
Robert: Yes, but who are you?
(He comes out of the shadows. It is Carl Rove)
Rove: Heh...Me and Cheney back there will help you get 'em.
Robert: Okay, but we must get him quick! He's got the computer!
Rove: You mean the po-
Rove: My God, we need to stop him or no government official can wank off to Marylin Monroe again!
(They get into Roves limo and speed away to the White house to resolve the situation)
(Back in the desert, the heroes are firing RPGs from the Arsenals of the APCs at the Bomber. )
Han: This thing won't die!
Nikita: Use the fucking mortar!
Supwealuhop: <thinking> How am I going to get those three virgins?
Adam: Natural 20! Yes! Hit! Critical Hit!
(The bomber is destroyed, crashing into the desert, lighting the napalm aflame and burning a local moose farm)
Moonshine: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! <faints>
Priest: God says yes.
Han: We have to get out of here! <activates shield generator>
(Bomb asplodes near APC, shield holds)