User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/95
Episode 95: Attack of the Clones
(The episode begins just as the last had ended - sickle fighters surrounding the ship, with Emmzee and Dizberg attempting to shoot them down with the beam weapons in the transport, and Aquarii and Han in the X-wings trying to defend the ship.)
Han: Oh no.
(Scene switch to Ronalds, Blaning, and Darth Communist talking in the Strangetown COMMIE BASE)
Blaning: Today, I become THE DOPPELGANGER!
(Doppelganger/Blaning turns into Benson:)
Darth: Now, go blow rebels up!
(Benson: is transported to an unoccupied room in the transport - the bathroom)
(Overhead light falls on Darth)
(Switch scenes to the transport)
Benson: BENSON NEEDS TO USE THE CRAPPER!
(Benson enters the bathroom and is knocked out by Benson:, who comes out.)
Han: It is a toilet, not a crapper.
Benson:: BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU!
Han: Okay, this is tiring. Bed time on the deck, everyone!
(Everyone goes to bed)
(Benson: places a bit of paper in the water pipes when everyone is asleep. The next morning the water only trickles. Han goes to the bathroom.)
Han: Damn it, Benson! You know you're not supposed to use that much toilet paper!
Dizberg: Wait...did you just not yell?
Emmzee: You didn't. You're not Benson!
Froggy: RIBBIT! :O
Dizberg: Now's not the time for shock umlauts, Froggy. We've got to find out who this guy is! Aquarii!
(Aquarii tackles Benson: and straps him to a chair. He takes out his 9mm.)
Aquarii: WHO IS THE MAN IN VESELIA!?
Aquarii: WRONG ANSWER!
(Aquarii slaps Benson: and starts firing rounds into Benson:'s foot)
Han: Um...Aquarii, you're supposed to figure out who this man is.
(Han leaves Aquarii alone, and Benson: knocks Aquarii out and ties him up, gags him, and puts him in a little compartment in Aquarii's room of the ship. Benson: now turns into Aquarii..)
Aquarii.: That is that.
(Aquarii. goes into the main room of the ship)
Aquarii.: Han, that non-Benson was a guy called Joe. He is NOT THE MAN IN VESILIA!
(When nobody is looking, Aquarii. throws a bit of toilet paper into the engine)
Han: Did you just throw toilet paper into the engine?
Aquarii.: No. Why are you asking?
Han: Well the "toilet paper thrown into the dilithium crystal engine indicator" just went on.
Aquarii.: What does that mean?
(Han checks the manual)
Han: Ah. All that means is that the crystals will explode in a matter of minutes.
Aquarii.: WHERE IS THE BOMB!?!
Han: Luckily, the crystals are unimportant. The main engine is powered by grue power.
Han: Good thing we have grues.
Moonshine: Save that moose!
(When nobody is looking, Aquarii. puts some 10-day-old moose flesh under Moonshine's bed)
Han: Time for bed! Aquarii, you take night shift!
(Moonshine screams and faints)
Adam: Moonshine found some...
Dizberg: ...old moose flesh under her bed!
Han: That stuff will damage the ship!!!
(When nobody is looking, Aquarii. throws Han's guns off the ship)
Han: Why does the door leading to my armory lead into the void of space?
(Meanwhile, in the ships sewer tank Benson attempts to get out by yelling for help)
Benson: REAL MEN SAVE BENSON! HELP!
(Similarily, Aquarii overhears the word bomb)
Aquarii: (muffled) BOMB!
(Hinges of the compartment explode into the rope cutting it. Aquarii takes off his gag.)
Aquarii: Previously on 24...
(Aquarii moves out of the room, with a combat knife in his mouth. He and Benson are taken to the COMMIE BASE by Ronalds.)
Aquarii.: A commie blew your armory up silently!
(Han goes to bed, and Aquarii. throws the toilet into the main engine without waking anybody up. The next morning Han gets up in his robe and bunny slippers and goes into the bathroom expecting to find a toilet to do his business.)
Han: Okay, there is something really wrong with whoever has the obsession with throwing the bathroom items into the main engine!
(A commie jumps into the bathroom)
Han: Ah, that explains it. I guess I will have to use one of the other toilets.
(Han goes and uses another toilet, and Aquarii. silently throws the shower and bathtub and sink in the main engine, as well as the soap)
(Han goes back to the bathroom with no toilet. Aquarii. is not in there)
Han: I come here to take a bath, and what do I find!?! An empty room! Not even soap left! I mean, they threw the tiny bit of bird poop in the main engine!
(Priest comes in and faints)
Han: I am going to tie up every passenger on this vessel to a single support beam, and when we finally know who is doing this crap, I'm going to get medieval on their ass.
Adam: Won't that damage the ship? And since when is ths your ship?
Han: Good point. Also, did you happen to notice that old trunk in the bunks? Open it.
(Adam opens the trunk, it has liscensing to Han)
Han: Now that we have that settled, I'm going stuff everyone in this bathroom until this entire situation blows over.
Han: I said that I'm going to stuff everyone in this bathroom until this entire situation blows over.
(Han takes out a machete from a hidden compartment.)
Han: Get into the bathroom.
Aquarri:: Heh heh heh...
Adam: What's with the Vatti like laugh?
(All of those who are riding in the ship, including Han, are forced into the small, cramped bathroom by Aquarii:, then the pin on the door is shut to "Occupied", and the door welded. Credits roll.)