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UtarEmpire is a scientist who attended Wheeling Jesuit University from 2002 to 2006. A noted member of the Churchill Society, Wheeling, COSBI, and other dangerous campus organisations, UtarEmpire is best known for his bringing of the Institute of Science and Science-Men to Wheeling, West Virginia. He is also tied with WJU's Own Tom for earning the most number of restraining orders within four years.
Early Life and Childhood
UtarEmpire was hatched from an egg atop Mount Fuji many years ago by the mysterious Takuri Bird. UtarEmpire descended from the mountain some twenty years ago and raised by Zen monks in a monastery whose location is unknown, where he took the Earth name Hiroshi Fujiyama, after his birthplace. Shortly after his birth, however, a hostile alien government felt that UtarEmpire's birth would cause a rift in time and space, and they thus kidnapped him from the monastery and delivered him to a prison island off the coast of Malaysia, where it was hoped that he would die in obscurity.
UtarEmpire's second set of adoptive parents, fortunately, were humane enough to place him in a hypnotic trance for fifteen years. In 2000, UtarEmpire's mother escaped from the prison island to a refuge somewhere in northern Thailand, where he developed his love for science and the Asian arts, such as kung fu and rice eating.
The Years at Wheeling Jesuit University
UtarEmpire moved to the United States in 2002 to spread the message of hope and truth to the unenlightened children of America. Throughout the course of this quest, he was met by much opposition in the form of the League of Evil, who attempted to suppress his calls for freedom, by various members of the student body who sought to have him killed, and by revisionist counter-revolutionaries who felt that they could stop the truth from being revealed. He also had the living **** annoyed out of him numerous times by several on-campus annoyances, such as James Cobb and Chris Bling.
More controversially, UtarEmpire has occassionally taken unorthodox stands on various issues, most notably women's rights. With regards to the aforementioned, he has openly expressed disgust with the continued existence of the Lacrosstitution Guild, and has voted multiple times in favour of a "culinary arts" programme which all females would be forced to attend. Although the Council of About Twenty Dudes and Two Hot Chicks also voted in favour of this proposal by a count of 20-2, it was never implemented due to several members of the Council being found castrated several days later.
Aside from his work with the Institute of Science, UtarEmpire also did (not) co-author The Compelling Story of Slaves, Martyrs, Despots, and Heroes, of Futile Protestant Marauders and Divine Catholic Intervention: A Revised History of Wheeling Jesuit University, From the Dormant Period to Modern Times, for which he was awarded "Noob Of The Month" by the Council of Uncyclopedia.
Awards and Recognitions
Commander of the Order
- Wheeling Jesuit University
- Lots of stuff in the Wheeling Jesuit University category
- Contributions to the ongoing effort at making the Catholicism portal more coherent, including:
UtarEmpire has several powers, but many of them are a secret.
UtarEmpire has an affinity for small, furry animals and for beautiful women. He will also usually sacrifice much for the sake of delicious exotic food or large amounts of money, or both.
Meaning of "UtarEmpire"
Many science historians have asked the question of the meaning behind "UtarEmpire". Some have speculated that it is derived from an ancient otherworldly language, poorly Anglicised to appear the way it is. In an interview with UtarEmpire conducted in October, 2003, UtarEmpire had this to say about his name:
- "You want to know what 'UtarEmpire' means? We don't care."