User:Vive la France/The Failboat
The Failboat is a famed cruise ship which was owned by Fail Boating Lines. However, the captain bought Fail Boating Lines. The boat has been made fun of due to it's backwards-firing advertising campaign. The FailCaptain, Mr. Puggie Stoned, blames it on marketing.
The Failboat was constructed in the year 1876, when Mr. Puggie Stoned Sr. built the boat with his own hands. He hired a crew, and he also hired a ships cat. The cat has mysteriously lived on for the past years.
The Failboat Band
The Failboat Band is a band that performs on the Failboat. They have released two audio cassettes, called "Sounds of the Failboat", and "Sounds of the Failboat 2: Don't Rock the Failboat!". Includes a special appearance by Jingle Cats. The FailCaptain is the manager of the band.
The FailCrew consists of two people. Bob and Bill. However, Puggie insists on calling each member of the crew by the first letter of their name. This gets quite confusing after a while. Biographies of the FailCrew are here.
Puggie Jules Stoned was born on 4th of July, 1776, about a hundred years before his father, due to a mistake in the time matrix. Several years passed, and he inherited the boat from his father in 1844. He has been the Captain ever since.
"B" and "B"
"B" was born several years after the Failboat left the port of Las Vegas for the first time. "B" was also born on that same day. They both joined the FailCrew on that day.
FailCat was originally worshipped in Egypt. Then, Failcat moved to Africa and chilled out for a couple thousand years. Then, he was captured and taken to the United States to be a slave. Failcat escaped by hijacking the Underground Railroad and riding to Las Vegas, where he saw B&B boarding the FailBoat. As they say, curiosity killed the cat. But, that didn't happen. FailCat travelled the world with Stoned, B&B, and the band. FailCat enjoys cheese.
The Failboat has been under great controversey around the year 1997. In 1997, several travellers complained about the sleeping quarters on the ship. The cheap cabins were shoeboxes, and the expensive cabins "with a view" were old laundry machines with back entrances and the window in the front used as the porthole. Stoned was sued for 6 dollars. He won the case.
Another topic about the failboat found controversial was the food. The ships cook was found to be Stoned himself, who served the same food the cat got, covered in alcahol. A ten year old child's parents again sued the FailBoat. This time, the failboat lost and had to pay .7 cents in damages, half of Fail Boating Lines net worth. Fail Boating lines sued Stoned, who lost and had to pay a full cent. Stoned was devastated, and decided to write a cheque, and buy Fail Boating lines. Before he had to pay the cheque, he had gained back all the revenue and more to continue Fail Boating lines. In total, he bought the firm for half of a cent.