User:Vzvartnots/Gol Transportes Aéreos

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Vzvartnots/Gol Transportes Aéreos.

Gol Transportes Aéreos is a Brazilian airline known for decreasing the quality of flying in every aspect.

Started in 2000 by Blanka, the airline serves Juicy Juice packets instead of real drinks and peanuts in place of fine chicken cordon bleu. Yet it also offered ridiculously low prices, like one cruzeiro for a flight from Sao Paulo to Sao Jose dos Campos. This made the airline so popular that TAM Airlines had to redesign its flight attendant outfits to look drab and dull. Oh, and VASP is gone and Varig became so poor that Gol bought Varig.

Gol Transportes Aéreos Flight 1907: A flirtation in the sky[edit]

We do not know yet why it happened, but two airplanes over Brazil happened to flirt with each other, and this proved very, very, very deadly.

The air traffic controllers... I mean air naughty bits contollers, did not properly monitor the skies over central Brazil. Flight 1907, a Boeing 737 still in diapers (hey, it was a few weeks old!) attracted the attention of an Embraer Legacy, also still in diapers (it was on its delivery flight). Now, as we know, planes mature just like humans do, but at an early age they have a basic sense of affection. We do not know what the Embraer pilots were doing or thinking, but that is irrelevant. The Embraer stuck its winglet to hug the Boeing. The winglet tore through the Boeing's wing, causing it to bawl loudly as it fell over and dive down. The aerodynamic forces tore the Boeing apart, and it fell into the Amazon. If the passengers survived the fall (they didn't) - they would have complained about the searing heat and the mosquitoes.