User:Witt E,/Douglas Adams

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Douglas Noel Adams (1952-2001) was a mildly interesting ape-descendant residing on the small blue-green planet Earth. He otherwise would be of no interest at all if he hadn't written a series of successful novels, but if it wasn't for the activities of the Hellen Keller society's memorial festival then Douglas Adams would never had ended up lying drunk in a field somewhere near Innsbruck then would he? Coincidentally, while he was lying drunk in that field somewhere near Innsbruck he rolled over on a small hallucinatory mushroom, which days later was eaten by a mongoose that ended it's life when it attacked the tire of a UPS delivery truck that was on it's way to deliver a new suspension cord for a faulty exercise machine.

Early Career[edit]

Douglas began his career in radio, fixing technical knobs and such to provide better clarity for listeners eagerly awaiting to hear whether their favorite cricket team won the game or not, after being demoted from an ordinary announcer. Douglas found his job to be uninteresting announcing scores for cricket matches, which was only open because the regular announcer had sprained his ankle on a bottle while going for a stroll in a field near his home. Douglas was fired from his job sometime in May for knocking over a shelf of nuts and bolts while trying to set mousetraps in the basement. Instead of a severance check, the boss gave Adams a bath towel in lieu of an actual check. Years later, after promising to return a copy of the Hitchhikers Guide to Europe in just a month to a friend he borrowed it from, the idea of a Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy resurfaced from whatever deep dark place it had been fermenting in at this time.

Origins of his Novels[edit]

He began writing up radio scripts and selling them for profit, which was working fine for a while since there were so many positive letters sent in. The letters were mostly clamoring about how they liked the clinically depressed robot. So with a large collection of radio scripts, fan letters, biscuits for dipping in milk (for tea too) and paychecks, the scripts were fused into a perfectly incomprehensible book that brought him onstage and into the spotlight. The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy was a hit and encouraged him to write a continuation to the first book.

Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Trilogy[edit]

The first book written by the ape-descendant Douglas Adams was a surefire hit. The book was popular for 3 reasons, for one, it had people who were listening to it on the radio, which meant there would already be sellers, two, it was a funny satire, leaving readers loving it even if they didn't understand that the Vogons were a futuristic representation of the human race if bureaucracy was the ruling government. Finally three, the book was published by Sirius, which meant cheap manufacturing of the product while still being high quality binding. Whether or not the public or Adams himself knew about Sirius doesn't matter, it all worked out well in the end, except for Sirius which ended up first against the wall when the revolution came. Douglas wrote 2 more books to complete the trilogy, and then did another 2 books for the sake of all sufferers of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Interestingly, the very person who fired Douglas from his job was also afflicted with OCD, and would send hate mail every week to Douglas about the "5 book trilogy" issue. The hate mail only stopped when Douglas shipped a parcel of fine China and 4 rubber Superballs to his old boss.

Adams also wrote 2 mystery novels based on and dedicated to the incompetent foreign fool he once hired to find out where the city council plans were to demolish his house. The detective in the story is a simple man who is assigned to important cases to solve. The book was more of a lofty comedy than his other books, which had more words in the main title than this one. Gently only garnered 2 books before Adams died. Unable to kill off his bumbling character Dirk before he died, and although the novel is left open for a sequel, it never did make it to completion. The real-life detective dedicated to in the book, Jacques, was not the least bit offended by the novel, possibly because he couldn't understand it, the stupid turlingdrome.

Death & Legacy[edit]

Douglas Adams died March 11, 2001 inside his personal gym. He was working out in his gym when a suspension cable broke and dropped 420 pounds of weight on him. Further investigation showed that the suspension cable was previously damaged before snapping off. The cable had a puncture near the joint that reduced the amount of weight it could hold greatly. No charges were brought against the manufacturer, because the cable is tightly sealed before being opened again and shipped to a household, leaving the conclusion that the cable must have been damaged en route to Douglas' home. He is survived by his Wife Jane Emmerson and their daughter Polly Pocket Adams, along with their dog, Zem.

Douglas Adams has left a too short life, but his quirky works and books have left a permanent ink stain on the medias shirt pocket. His works with Monty Python and other novel work done by him are still selling strong as ever, and the book was developed into a full-feature movie after spending decades in development hell. Towel Day was dedicated to him, and is celebrated every March 11th on the day of his death by undertaking various everyday tasks with a towel, as well as offering protection from stupid extraterrestrial animals. There are also many hidden references to Adams' book scattered over the sidewalks of movies, tv shows, songs, books and games. They are notoriously hard to spot, but are easiest seen with a Sub-etha scope under 100x magnification.

He was also known for his perspective on things and his charismatic demeanor, often bounding into the studios during recordings with new ideas to talk about. He also has a number of quotes covering a broad area of topics. Quoting Douglas Adams is harder to pick up, because lines from his books are much easier to quote upon.