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Ah! Hello, please, be my guest, take-a seat! You must have some of our wine-a, it's the very finest - no, really, I insist. Cigar? No, ah, you don't know what you're missing. Now, shall we get to business, huh?

'Dis here is my nice-a little passion - my family business. We like-a the nice things in life; we play poker, smoke-a cigars, we shoot and terrify people and love-a to let our hair down. È affascinante. So what-a you waiting for? Why not you get involved, huh? If you're already one o' da boys, den why not starta to enjoy the mafia life-style? Go ahead!

If you're not already a-member, you should be ashamed of yourself! Why don't you enrol? In my mafia there lots-a perks - a members only bar, a shooting range and a golf-a course! Seriously, though, you either-a enrol or you sleep wit' teh fishies; your choice. I really don't wanna havva make Johnny, do it, see his mumma just died and he's real sad about it. He's a real nice guy, a real gentle, like - I wouldn't wanna havva make him do it -see?

The House Of The Mafia - Enrol In The Uncyclopedia Mafia - Member List - Mafia Ranks - More About The Uncyclopedia Mafia - Mafia Fundraising - Help For New Uncyclopedia Users

Members Only:
Family Business - IMPORTANT for all self-respecting Family members
Family Treasury - Where gangsters can come to horde their money; closely associated with Mafia Fundraising services
Members Only Bar - With poker, gossip, traditional hookers, free drinks and rather unprivate rooms
Russian Members Only Bar - Dedicated bar for the Russian wing of the Uncyclopedia Mafia
Italian Members Only Bar - Dedicated bar for the Italian wing of the Uncyclopedia Mafia
Golf Course - Large, beautiful golf course, a brilliant place to buy golf trophies
Shooting Range - A place to test out all Mafia weapons with live targets
The Rackets Room - A room filled with files on all the Mafia's rackets