User:Zombiebaron

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Hello friends,

I am writing this note to let you know that I can no longer be the active member of Uncyclopedia that I once was. Well, I really haven't been for about a year now, but now I think the time has come for me to upgrade from a "sabbatical" to "semi-retirement". I do promise to visit.

Now, as is the fashion with all of us bitter old-timers to decide to leave, I've got something to say:

Uncyclopedia, predominantly, attracts a very small group of people (at least our amongst active "regulars"). Basically, what I'm saying is that to have enough time to edit Uncyclopedia, and to actually want to edit the site, isn't for everyone. I'm not sure how often you guys stop and think how similar we all are, despite our many differences, but we are. And it's the differences that make this place so interesting. Hell, I'm a minority for being Canadian at Uncyclopedia, but where I live everyone is Canadian. So, we all have an interest in comedy, some spare time, internet connections, but we all have different opinions. Got it?

Awhile ago, I was on IRC having a chat with one of the real oldie time admins (I'm not sure I can correctly remember who, so in the interest of accuracy and in keeping with my policy of not discussing the contents of private messages in a public forum, I won't name a name) and they told me that they had spoken with chronarion when he was just starting up Uncyclopedia, and the official word was that it was a "social experiment in comedy." That conversation stuck in my mind. I started to see it. And quite frankly, I think we are currently failing the experiment. Let me tell you why.

First off, lunatics have been running this asylum from the start. What kind of sick fuck would want to be an administrator on Uncyclopedia? It is an almost completely thankless job (although, when you do get thanked, it makes it all seem sort of worthwhile), that is similar to scrubbing graffiti off the walls of 10,000 public washrooms a day. And none of the graffiti is witty, but most of it is pretty crude. Really, as an admin, I'm telling you that you should definitely think before accepting a nomination for sysop, and if you covet the position, good luck to you.

Alright, so, what I'm about to say may not sit so well with some people, but fuck you guys, I'm just trying to call it how I see it. I think a lot of Uncyclopedia's "problems" (both real and imagined) are the fault of the admins. If you are going to be an active admin on Uncyclopedia, you should take it seriously. Act like a professional. Lead by example. When I first came to Uncyclopedia, that was more the case (like I said, we've always had loonies in charge, but at least they used to be professional about it). The Cabal would strike without any sign being given to the plebs. Maybe it was just because there used to be a larger body of admins active on IRC, but IRC is a completely different "problem". Basically, our admins are the face of our site. If we all slack off and joke ban our friends, everybody else will do the same thing, and then nobody will be able to take it seriously when something serious is done. That is why I have decided to stop kidding around and go into semi-retirement. Basically, what that means is that nobody should expect me to do anything. Any problems with "regulars" of the site acting out of line used to be taken care of by the likes of Famine, an admin whom I would like to commend here for his level-headedness, even when everyone called him an asshole (even though it was sometimes a joke). Admins, don't let anyone tell you what to do. Even me. Right here. Is that a paradox? Maybe. I don't really know.

That brings me to my other point. Users, listen to the admins. Or I will ban you. That's actually going to be my new thing. I'm going to come back whenever I feel like it and ban whoever is out of line. The bans will be long. So you guys better start making friends with the other admins so that they will unban you from my Mystery Bans. That's what they are gonna be called. Mystery Bans. I may even announce the Mystery Bans at the very bottom of the Main Page. You know what, I think I probably will. Just to shame the poor suckers that I ban some more. So stay the fuck in line you fuckers. I understand that everyone has their own opinion on comedy, but that doesn't mean you get to force yours on the other users. Only the admins have that right. You get to vote on things. That is your right. If you don't like it, start a petition for new admins (if someone actually does this, I hope the admins listen, but no promises – also, the petition shouldn't be to make yourself an admin, you egotistical fucker).

So, in summary, the admins need to act more like trained killers than clowns, the users need to start wearing uniforms, and I'm gonna start jumping out of the shadows and cutting people's necks. In conclusions, I want to say that you guys all need to lighten up. I know I've said that before, but I want to say it again here. Chill out. Stop taking things seriously. If you want an award, go make your own. Or better yet, go write an article or manipulate an image. Haha. Manipulate always sounds sexually suggestive to me. I'm not sure why. But I think everyone should know that.

I wish everyone all the best in the future.
Please look at my blog. I think it's pretty funny.
If you're into music, you should add me on last.fm.
Feel free to email me or leave a message on my talkpage, I will reply to emails sooner than messages on my talkpage.

See you on Recent Changes,
Major Sir Zombiebaron UE