User talk:Fredd The Mahmauscher/Archive 7

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I'm leaving for two weeks[edit]

Mid year exams and shit. Returning on February 4th. FreddThe Redd 20:06 • Thursday, 21-01-2010


Studying? And I'm having a sex change. Again. But you don't hear me going on and on about it. Except to my therapist. And my wife. And my ex husband. Anyway, at least we have a new feature to cheer us up. Shame you'll be wasting your time studying and miss it. Live life. Drop out. Have some sex changes, everyone's doing it. --Sog1970 20:34, January 21, 2010 (UTC)

Stupid question: Are your wife and ex-husband married? :P FreddThe Redd 19:02 • Sunday, 24-01-2010
Incidentally, med students like to talk about their studies and how hard they are. In two weeks I'm going to start the first semester of my second year, and I heard that it's going to be 9am - 5pm, almost everyday. In six months you will also be hearing about my examinations, because dental students like to talk about their studies as much as med students. User:Hiatus Hernia/sig2 18:43, Jan 24, 2010
Haha! No, it's not that I wanted to boast or bitch about how hard I study.. It's just that I'm committed to several collabs that I won't be able to write during these two weeks ... Fuck that, you're right, I'm an attention whore! :)
Also, while we're at it, I had my first exam today: Physiology, and I expect to score 0~100% FreddThe Redd 19:02 • Sunday, 24-01-2010
You people are talking about how much work you have with one major? Ha! I've had five! Talk about your homework! I had to, like, do homework and stuff. I bet you're impressed. Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  19:34, January 26, 2010 (UTC)
Haven't really had any thoughts about how to start the Kurd thing. Do you think there's enough "legs" in manufacturing crap weapons? Don't know if you saw my idea about starting with building a weapons industry, then using the Talibanland pic Sonje made for me to maybe write another idea for boosting the tourist trade. And then some other stuff that occurs to us. A goat museum, Noah's ark tours or something. I leave it to you, I'm sure you know a hell of a lot more about "Kurdistan" than I do--Sog1970 22:19, February 7, 2010 (UTC)


Now that we tooken care of that, have a nice 2 weeks vacation--Grue ApocalypseDirectorEye 4.gifWILLExplode 3.GIFYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 00:39, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Happy examsinations[edit]

Uncle-Dad.jpg Uncle-Dad thanks you in the only way he knows:
a long glass of moonshine and an hour with
his niece-wife.

IronLung 22:26, January 22, 2010 (UTC)

Late thanks[edit]

Colinmeloy3.jpg An expression of gratitude
We appreciate your discerning judgment and shrewd disposition in voting for HowTo:Write Colin Meloy Lyrics, even though the author is a ne'er-do-well and never pealed a steeple bell.

User:Hiatus Hernia/sig2 18:03, Jan 24, 2010

Please forgive me my buccaneering[edit]

Also please forgive me for posting the same notice on more than one person's talk page. Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization finally finished its latest effort, Transformers. Actually, it had been on IC for four months and no one objected to a couple notices about it being moved to mainspace. So I asked admin and IC member MrN9000 to move it, which he did, complete with talk page and history, which I greatly appreciated. Then I wondered when someone would update the list at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/The Big Board, but saw the note "Tagstit, SysRq, and Gerry are the only ones who need to be editing this template." But sadly, the most recent Uncyclopedia edit by a member of the trilogy was two months ago. MrN9000 basically said if it was OK with active colonizer Optimuschris it was OK with him if I updated the list, which was all I planned to do. But then MrN said "Consider yourself the new director of IC." I really appreciate his help and encouragement, but all I was trying to do was get the list updated, and now I'm afraid I may have unintentionally stepped on some toes. I would be happy to carry this through the next article, if that's not a problem with anyone in IC, but never intended to cause a conflict with anyone. Please let me know if there's a problem here, and what we can do to fix it. You can see the discussions here and there. Thanks! Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  08:47, January 25, 2010 (UTC)


Check VFH[edit]

ya know, if you get back in time. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 20:13,26January,2010

Semi-official Imperial Colonization[edit]

For once, a short note from me. I'm apparently now running Imperial Colonization. I plan to open it up for nominations for the next colonization on Sunday, 31 January 2010, so will make an official announcement then. In the meantime, I've made some changes, and would love suggestions (see Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization and User:Why do I need to provide this?/Imperial Colonization). Thanks for any help you can give me! Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  01:51, January 27, 2010 (UTC)


(You knew somebody wouldn't be able to resist callng you Samantha, didn't you?) I changed your name on the Imperial Colonization ranking with "Mahm00shA was replaced by Fredd The Mahmauscher in some sort of Egyptian necromantic ritual". Actually, I just changed your name on the list; that was just my edit note. Good luck with your studies! Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  19:49, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

And also I just vandalised your user page by correcting the spelling of Great Britain. What can I say; I am a buccaneer! Why do I need to provide this?, Uncyclopedian Priest and Buccaneer Admiral of Uncyclopedia Imperial Colonization Project IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  19:51, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

Congratulations Imperial Colonization Commodore Fredd The Mahmauscher[edit]

It has come to Her Majesty's attention that you have participated in five successful colonizations. As five is required for the rank of commodore, it is therefore fitting and proper to recognize that you have earned the rank of Commodore of Imperial Colonization. Congratulations, Commodore Fredd The Mahmauscher, and go forth and colonize those wild natives! Why do I need to provide this?, Uncyclopedian Priest and Buccaneer Admiral of Uncyclopedia Imperial Colonization Project IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  07:11, January 28, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 28th January 2010[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png 14:54, Jan 28

Greatest UnSignpost EVER. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 20:24,28January,2010


Duty Calls! Imperial Colonization has been commandeered! With a shiny new, waterproof coat, we're heading out to sea once again. We need you for our next colonization. You have one week to nominate or vote from right now, Sunday the 31st of January 2010, to Saturday the 6th of February 2010. (See Protocol for how to nominate an article for Colonization. And remember, if you vote for an article that means you intend to help colonize it.) Then starting Sunday, 7 February 2010, we will start colonizing another savage land (i.e., improving whichever article gets the most votes). Come on board and vote or nom now, to the glory of Her Majesty!

EXTRA: Our most recent colonization, Transformers, has just been Pee Reviewed. If you're interested in making improvements, please check out the article and the review. With a little work, we may have another glorious Feature article! Wouldn't that be just spiffy? And remember, if you participate and this does get featured, you get one half feature credit!

For the Glory of Her Majesty and by Order of your Fearful Fearless Leader, Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  19:30, January 30, 2010 (UTC)

Hey Jude[edit]

Girl Scout.jpg Thanks

luv u

Thanks for the vote. --I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 20:01,31January,2010

K, So, Here's the Deal[edit]

I'm going to be spending the next few days revising my rewrite of Opeth (which was nearly done when you asked me about our collab.). Once I'm done revising it, I'll go straight to work on reworking Papyrus. Sound good? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:48, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th February 2010[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png 15:13, Feb 4

Hey Moosh![edit]

We did ya achi. We did good. ~ 21:54, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

Nice job Mooshy. And Mordillo, uhh, ok I guess...
However, you beat me by HALF A POINT?!? Never believed that student beats the teacher thing before... I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 23:04,6February,2010
Congrats, to both Fredd and Mordillo. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:50, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
Oh, thank you guys! FreddThe Redd 01:11 • Thursday, 11-02-2010


The Bible says God created the world in six days by himself--our crew of talented colonizers can surely recreate an article in a week and a half! Remember, any Colonizer is welcome to work on our current project, which is the Creationism article. But before you begin, check "READ THIS FIRST" at the top. From Sunday, 7 February to Wednesday, 10 February 2010, a hearty crew of brave colonizers plotted a strong course for the article by consensus. We have the beginning of a great colonization, so go forth and colonize to the glory of Her Majesty!

Special Note for Lobsterbacks (i.e. those who signed up but haven't yet worked on a successful colonization). We plan to keep your name on the honored membership list if you make worthwhile contribution to the article or other parts of Imperial Colonization between 31 January 2010 and the end of this project. If your name is removed from the list, you are welcome to reapply when you plan to become active. Why do I need to provide this?, Uncyclopedian Priest and Buccaneer Admiral of Uncyclopedia Imperial Colonization Project IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  05:04, February 11, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th February 2010[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png 13:01, Feb 11







Grazie. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 23:49,14February,2010


I've been thinking about your article the last few days, and I got this idea: what if I wrote about a show like this or this, but used the actual content of your article as sort of a sample episode, similar to what I did in my MonsterQuest article. This way, satirizing the show adds an extra dimension to the article, while still keeping the bulk of your stuff intact. What do you think? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:56, February 15, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, that's a great idea! Go on FreddThe Redd 13:38 • Monday, 15-02-2010
Wonderful, I'm glad you're down with it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:54, February 15, 2010 (UTC)
How about this: an interview with Zahi Hawwass, the Egyptian minster of Tourism? The guy's a real nuthead. And, we can use the same accent we used with the taxi driver interview. FreddThe Redd 03:25 • Friday, 19-02-2010
When I was stalking your talk page, and saw Guildy's first comment, my first thought was also "Zahi Hawwass", how amazing (creepy) is that? The guy sure appears on a lot of documentaries. User:Hiatus Hernia/sig2 04:35, Feb 19, 2010
Mum! Hiatus Hernia has been reading my mind again! FreddThe Redd 05:17 • Friday, 19-02-2010
Fredd, thank you so much for letting me play on the main page. How can I thank you? Come on down here, snuggle up, and tell Annie where it hurts, or where you want it to hurt, and I'll kiss the boo boo for a loooong time.

Congrats again, yada yada yada[edit]

On showing me up I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 20:13,16February,2010

Sad Face.jpeg You made me sad.

What? When? FreddThe Redd 20:36 • Tuesday, 16-02-2010
I think you know... I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 20:57,16February,2010


If I include a reference to it, will you change your vote? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:28, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

Sure, the article is great, I'd vote for anyways.. It was just a joke :) FreddThe Redd 03:08 • Wednesday, 17-02-2010
Hah, glad to hear. I'll make a small amendment tomorrow anyway on behalf of a fellow Opeth fan. \m/ —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:06, February 17, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th February 2010[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png 23:36, Feb 18

Damn Mooshy[edit]

Your article has gone through more name changes then, well, you. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 12:00,23February,2010

I wont rest till I get it featured, even if I crash the servers trying. So there. FreddThe Redd 12:23 • Tuesday, 23-02-2010
I might have to kill you first. ~ 12:44, February 23, 2010 (UTC)



It goes straight to the Mossad for passport forgery. FreddThe Redd 20:39 • Thursday, 25-02-2010


WTF? ??? MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 20:34, Feb 26

"Adolf hitler is a hero. seriously. He tried to rid the world of the evil that was the jews,came up with an amazing plan that was the ¨final solution¨ and nearly succeded at conquering the world but unfortunately he was defeated by an evil force led by the jews and homosexuals who he had worked so hard to try to get rid of. If adolf hitler was still alive I would probably marry him and have intercourse with him many times (I am not gay at all).
I honestly do not think a man like him could die I also believe that a man of such epic heroism would be immortal due to gods mutual hatred of the jews therefore hitler is not dead he is only sleeping in a cave somewhere in germany where the german government ( secretly the Nazi party)

is covering up the fact that he is still alive and made up many fake stories about him dieing.

in conclusion this hero is a model for all children and politicians everywhere."
Are you kidding me? FreddThe Redd 20:38 • Friday, 26-02-2010

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png 20:52, Feb 28

A Ten Minute Thanks[edit]

Get a move on[edit]

I think there's still an award out there you HAVEN'T nommed for for yet this month! I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 03:27,3March,2010

Uncyclopedia:Nomination of the Month? PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  03:30, 3/03/2010
Holy Jehovas Witness, Batman! I'm nominated for that too! I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 04:17,3March,2010
What the hell did you just link me to, puppy? Also, what the hell else do you want to be nommed for, ched? NOTM? FreddThe Redd 04:19 • Wednesday, 3-03-2010
Yes. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 04:20,3March,2010

Imperial Colonization: Creationism and Batman[edit]

IMPORTANT: If you want to make comments on any part of this message, please post your comments on my talk page. I've sent this notice out to about 40 people, and will likely never see your response if you put it on your talk page. But if you insist on doing it anyway (sigh), please at least start a new section using == Your comments == below my signature and make comments there. This message is set up as a template, so if you try to make edits in this message, it will edit it everywhere, and get me nasty notes from admins.

The seventh day of Creationism[edit]

If you haven't heard the rumour, it's true. The new and improved and absolutely perfect version of Creationism has been created. And because it was so perfect, we got it Pee Reviewed so it could be even more perfect. Post-review edits are being done, and will be completed very soon so our colonized version can replace the current Creationism.

I gave credit on The Big Board to every colonizer who worked on the article (if I somehow missed you, put a note on my talk page). I really appreciate everyone's help; I think we have a great article. If this gets featured, however, I feel that only those who made the more substantial contributions should get co-feature credit. Otherwise, someone could add two words and get 1/2 credit for writing a feature article, which doesn't seem fair. (But note that half a dozen people or more could each get 1/2 credit; that's one of the advantages of being a colonizer as aren't limited by the laws of mathematics). Any opinions on this or anything in this notice are welcome on the IC talk page. Buccaneers traditionally work by group consensus, and I'm all for sharing the blame tradition.

I'm Batman[edit]

Our current colonization is Batman. Writing on it begins now. By consensus built over the past few days, this will feature a psychiatrist talking with Bruce Wayne, a delusional Arkham Asylum mental patient who thinks he is some hero named Batman--or is he delusional? See I'M BATMAN for the guidelines for this article.

Any colonizer is welcome to edit the article! Any non-colonizer who wants to apply is welcome to do so on the Imperial Colonization page. We promise we won't throw you to the sharks. Well, probably not.

The future[edit]

We are taking nominations and votes for our next project. As per previous IC discussions, old nominations which aren't in the lead and which haven't received any recent votes will be removed. Check out the current nominations before they fade into history--but an article removed from the list can certainly be renominated. Nominate and vote on the IC page.

Go forth and colonize! Why do I need to provide this?, Uncyclopedian Priest and Buccaneer Admiral of Uncyclopedia Imperial Colonization Project IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  03:26, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png 00:10, Mar 6


how do i sign a post The preceding unsigned comment was added by Syndrome (talk • contribs)

You don't sign a post; the post signs itself. All you have to do is close your eyes, unite with your inner self and enjoy the pounding. Oh yeah, bitch. FreddThe Redd 03:45 • Monday, 8-03-2010
Also, use "~~~~" Sir SockySexy girls.jpg Mermaid with dolphin.jpg Tired Marilyn Monroe.jpg (talk) (stalk)Magnemite.gif Icons-flag-be.png GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY 17:45, 8 March 2010
"~~~~" i tried uniting with my inner self but i think my third chakra is a little to the left. the pounding didnt help either
In my opinion, this a clear case of "Chronarioschizoskeptiphrenirolepsicpoundimmununeuralocorticopsychotic Dysfunction Syndrome." FreddThe Redd 20:53 • Monday, 8-03-2010
Or just "Syndrome" for short. Sir SockySexy girls.jpg Mermaid with dolphin.jpg Tired Marilyn Monroe.jpg (talk) (stalk)Magnemite.gif Icons-flag-be.png GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY 21:18, 8 March 2010

UnSignpost 11th March 2010[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png 11:02, Mar 12

Thanks from da fadda[edit]


Ya, wanted to thankd ya for da vote to put me on da front page there. Ya done good, even if ya an Egyptian and tried to kill our guys back a few thousand years ago. What's dat about pyramid builder? Anysways, when you helped to put my place on da fleature stack dere, it really helped and chased away some of da nah votes. Appreciated. Fadda Murphy and his lackey secretary Aleister de'chain

No broplem, maaan! FreddThe Redd 22:52 • Sunday, 14-03-2010


My score went down! But h- FREDD!!! ... nah, just kiddin', thanks for the nomination! Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 22:10, Mar 14 2010

I just wanted to get the other guy to the next round, you know, 50% of the lead and stuff.. I wouldn't have changed my vote otherwise. I love you, man! :) FreddThe Redd 22:39 • Sunday, 14-03-2010

I'm bored[edit]

gub. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 22:23,14March,2010

I'm always bored, especially when I'm waiting for a review. FreddThe Redd 22:51 • Sunday, 14-03-2010


ChristianBaleAward.jpg Matfen
thanks you
for your vote!

His article could not have been featured without you...

Thanks Moosh! --Matfen 11:37, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

My pleasure, mister :) FreddThe Redd 13:55 • Monday, 15-03-2010

Nothing nothing[edit]

Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! CUN.png Icons-flag-us.png NOTM 19:13, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Imperial Colonization Buccaneer Admiral walking the plank![edit]

IMPORTANT: If you want to make comments on any part of this message, please post your comments on the IC talk page. I've sent this notice out to about 40 people, and will likely never see your response if you put it on your talk page. But if you insist on doing it anyway (sigh), please at least start a new section using == (Your comments) == below my signature, or click the + tab up above, and make comments there. This message is set up as a template, so if you try to make edits in this message, it will edit it everywhere, and get me nasty notes from admins.

Actually, I'm looking for a temporary assistant/permanent successor as head of Imperial Colonization. I got put in charge of IC because I kept bugging a certain admin. I'd say, "Why isn't somebody doing this with IC?" and "Why isn't somebody doing that with IC?" So that admin basically said "Why, you're somebody; go do it" (see discussion here). But as you can see, I took on the position planning to update IC, get it moving again, and see it through one colonization. Well, that happened. IC was updated and reactivated and, thanks to some great colonizers, Creationism was recreated in a spirit of cooperation, was rewritten on deadline, was Pee Reviewed and, as a bonus, was voter-chosen as a feature article within about a day of being nommed. Our current project, Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Batman is scheduled to be written by 20 March, and then we'll begin another. IC is moving...and I'm looking for someone to keep it moving. If interested, please post a note on the IC talk page--experienced and successful users only need apply. Ability to say "ARRRRR" like a pirate is not required, but would be nice.

Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  16:34, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png 11:47, Mar 18


Well, thank you. Watching English movies on YouTube or CNN, reading English stuff on Uncyclopedia/Wikipedia and and chatting with English users here seems to work better than usual (and boring) learning from the course book ;). Polisz.jpgPtokh-BenthonytchnoeHey! You can buy some sausage I illegally smuggle to Uncy! 19:23, March 18, 2010 (UTC)

I'm 20 y.o. ;) Polisz.jpgPtokh-BenthonytchnoeHey! You can buy some sausage I illegally smuggle to Uncy! 16:42, March 20, 2010 (UTC)
I'm 19, yo! FreddThe Redd 16:47 • Saturday, 20-03-2010


Bastard. FreddThe Redd 16:55 • Saturday, 20-03-2010

UnSignpost Quote: Chedd's Record[edit]

User CheddarBBQ has inspired all of us by setting a new nominee record for Uncyclopedia. As his adopted son and/or daughter, you must be gleaming with pride. Is there anything you would like to say to be featured in the upcoming UnSignpost? I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 17:45,20March,2010

Hell yeah!
Cquote1.png Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy. Cquote2.png
FreddThe Redd 23:31 • Saturday, 20-03-2010
Wonderful. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 23:40,20March,2010

Unpaprisu blah blah blah[edit]

This article has been showing up on maintenance lists all over the place, caused numerous double redirects and frankly I think both myself and UU are a bit tired of seeing it popping up on all those lists. I've moved it back to your space, please finish it completely before you move it back. No more numerous page moves please. ~ 21:12, March 20, 2010 (UTC)

Ahh, that's much better, thankyew. FreddThe Redd 23:11 • Saturday, 20-03-2010

If you don't like me, get me banned.[edit]

STUDY IRON MAIDEN'S HISTORY AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU'LL GET WHERE I WAS COMING FROM! KAPEESH? I'll leave that page alone now though, or I'll "let the baby have his bottle" which is a little closer to the truth.

Haha! YOU are telling ME to study Iron Maiden's history!? That's funny, man! :D FreddThe Redd 17:04 • Tuesday, 23-03-2010
You better listen to him Mooshy. He's got 666 in his name, he must be super duper metal. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 19:30,23March,2010
Yea, you're right.. My apologies, your beastness! FreddThe Redd 05:13 • Wednesday, 24-03-2010

Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement[edit]

VOTE DISCORDIAN NOW: We need your vote! On both Creationism and Batman, colonizers who participated came to a consensus on a direction for the article. But on Discordianism, there's been more discord--or at least not a consensus. So we're resorting to (sigh) democracy. Go to Uncyclopedia_talk:Imperial_Colonization/Discordianism#Article_ideas and cast your vote!

You can vote for one or two, comment on as many as you like, but vote quickly--this is an eleventh hour effort, and we will hopefully have a direction in a few hours. I'll be checking the results sometime around 03:00 UTC of 25 March 2010.

ARE YOU RETIRED?: Also note that colonizers who haven't participated in any of the last three colonizations will be moved to the retirement list. Quite frankly, I'm doing this primarily because I have to post each of these notices by hand (I don't have a bot, and sure could use one), and it takes a long time to post to the pages of people who are inactive in IC and even on Uncyclopedia. If you're put on the retirement list and want back on the active list, simply post a request on the IC talk page.

KEEP CHECKING THE IC TALK PAGE: Many important decisions and updates are made and/or described on the IC talk page that are never posted on user talk pages.

POST COMMENTS ON IC TALK. As usual, if you post them on your talk page, I'll likely never see them.

WHY'S REPLACEMENT NEED: A special added reminder that I, Why do I need to provide this? aka Why do I need to provide this?, Uncyclopedian Priest and Buccaneer Admiral of Uncyclopedia Imperial Colonization Project IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems) , am only interim director of IC and need a replacement. My intention was to lead IC just long enough to get it revived, which is a major part of the reason I took the title Buccaneer Admiral instead of Admiral of the Fleet, which is the official title of the head of Imperial Colonization. I plan to abandon ship retire shortly after midnight (UTC) on Saturday, 17 April 2010. I would really like someone to work with me on the current colonization, and I will be happy to assist whoever replaces me during the transition--I do not plan to leave IC, only retire as head. If you're interested, post a note at IC Admiral of the Fleet needed.

Happy colonizations! Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  18:08, March 24, 2010 (UTC)


For your vote for In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, thank you and appreciated. Since three of us get credit for the page (PF4Eva and Funnybony) I won't write anything funny, just thanks and it's nice you enjoyed the article. Al in Chains 18:08 25 3 mmx

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)[edit]

--ChiefjusticeDS 22:30, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Barack Obama[edit]

Thanks for defending the article. Extra Ordinary has visited the page before. This is treated in the talk page, Sections 8 and 11. He has been advised to find a page more receptive to his "wackey humor"--as his recent change summary puts it; I call it random babble. Spıke ¬ 23:43 27-Mar-10

Yea, I remember him/her/it.. Unfortunately, he/she/it doesn't live up to his/her/its name.. Yea, anyway, good job, you've improved the article a lot over the IC version! FreddThe Redd 00:03 • Sunday, 28-03-2010

Thanks for that--but as you'll recall, progress was not in a straight line! I should go in and update the Health Care section at some point. The only important thing was handled by your "compromise"--the silly rhetoric about an "optional public option" is not in the law and is long forgotten and it is fine that that bullet point is gone. I did five UnNews stories about the twists and turns of that bill. Spıke ¬ 00:09 28-Mar-10

Put a space in your sig.[edit]

PuppyOnTheRadio - The Signature Collection Talk Sunday, 00:27, Mar 28 2010 UTC

You realize you're eligible, right?[edit]

For what, you ask? Why, the Hall of Shame, my good man! As I count it, you've got 3.5 features (unless SPIKE is co-author, in which case you have 3). Congratulations! Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 23:14, Mar 28 2010

Yes, I do realize that, but I don't care much. Also, I still don't know if SPIKE wants to be counted the co-author, he wrote a couple sections and generally cleaned up the article.. I won't lie, I want a full credit, but if SPIKE says it's a collab, then it's a collab. FreddThe Redd 23:23 • Sunday, 28-03-2010
"I don't care much." HA! Again, HA! I'm going to check right now, and if you haven't already added your name, I'll eat my tie (I don't have a hat). Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 23:28, Mar 28 2010
Well, that was certainly less than delicious. I couldn't finish as my gag reflex kept acting up. But I stand by my previous assertion. :P Necropaxx (T) {~} Sunday, 23:31, Mar 28 2010
I stopped caring when I was turned down a month ago. And give me the leftover tie, I'm hungry. FreddThe Redd 23:33 • Sunday, 28-03-2010
You're not that hungry, I guarantee it. Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 00:49, Mar 29 2010
You still haven't added yourself! I'll do it for you! Necropaxx (T) {~} Wednesday, 03:52, Mar 31 2010
Oh, thank you for caring :) FreddThe Redd 10:50 • Thursday, 1-04-2010

PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Friday, 04:50, Apr 2 2010 UTC


SAFPAS.png For your vote in VFS

and as promised last time
You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage whilst inside those areas of Uncyclopedia under Zionist domination.
Certificate also redeemable for one (1) free bagel at your nearest grocery - simply print out and present
to the shopkeeper to claim your free bagel with the filling of your choice.

Rabbi Techno

Would you like to be a poopsmith if anyone doesn't want to do it/retires? Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 13:37, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
No, but thanks for asking. And for the virtual bagel :) FreddThe Redd 13:42 • Friday, 2-04-2010
No problems - I asked because I think you'd be a good option, but it's entirely your choice. :-) Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 14:00, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
What, we give them the ability to chose now? Sheesh. ~ 14:02, April 2, 2010 (UTC)
I meant the choice between doing what an admin says and getting banned forever for ignoring a thinly-disguised command. Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 14:05, April 2, 2010 (UTC)


If you want a review of a bad film, this works alright:

If you want negative reviews of mainstream movies done professionally, look no further than here:

If you're looking for something more specific, just ask, and I can see what I can sniff out for ya. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:07, April 5, 2010 (UTC)

A negative in-depth review of a bad movie (how about plan 9 from outer space?) FreddThe Redd 08:26 • Monday, 5-04-2010
Might as well be topical--here's a review of the just-released-and-apparently-shitty Clash of the Titans:

If you want more, why not check any of these out:

Seriously, though, if you're looking for negative reviews of movies, peruse Rotten Tomatoes for about five minutes and you'll come away with a friggin' treasure trove.
As for Cribs, I couldn't find any viable transcript online, but watch enough of these and you're sure to get the idea:

If you need anything more, just ask. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:09, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

A very special message[edit]

Hi Fredd! I saw you were a bit down lately, so I thought I'd get someone to give you a nice heart-to-heart advice. I asked him to write here in case the other users tried to kick my head in for bringing him up again.


Hi Fredd. A stalker of mine told me that he'd stop following me everywhere if I came and wrote a nice message on your talk page, and I figured it would be an easier option than killing him. Besides, my chainsaw needs repairing. Anyway, I know what it's like to feel undervalued. Barely anyone watches my movies or recognises me in them. The first award I ever received had the word "Juvenile" in the title. After that I got something called the "Chlotrudis" Award, really badly named, IMHO. Since then, my awards have mostly been banking on the character of Batman, like "Best Hero". Never "Best Actor"! The closest to Best Actor I got was "Best On-Screen Match up, with Heath Ledger". And if Heath wasn't dead, we probably never would have got it anyway.

This picture would probably be more convincing if I'd bothered to put more than a bathrobe on my kid before going to the supermarket.

What you need to do is find yourself an outlet for frustration. I myself enjoy videogames, playing guitar, and spending time with my family. See the picture to the left? That's my wife. I spend lots of time with her, even when she isn't in the mood to give me her time. Some people want too much of my time, though. Like my mother and sister. All they do is bitch about me spending too much time with my wife, and then out of fucking nowhere they ask me for more time! It's a fucking outrage, that's what that is. These people need to be put in place, Fredd. And the only people who seem to be able to do it is me and you. That's why my advice to you is to destroy your enemies! Lull them into a false sense of security, bide your time, and become an admin. Then, learn the ways of wiki, and become a l33t haxxor. After that you can permablock everyone in sight, including the admins, and claim Uncyclopedia in your own name. Then, all their awards are belong to ME! I mean, us!

It's a foolproof plan, mate. I'd do it myself, but Wikia banned me for editing my own article. I don't know how they do it, but they even catch my sockpuppets. All I've got left is this meatpuppet my stalker Matfen uses. Anyway, just remember to be nice to some people when you're the UnDictator. Even I'm nice to some people. Check out the image to the right of me being nice to my kid. It's a totally spontaeneous snapshot of a day with my kid. I didn't even see the photographer standing opposite us. Honest! Anyway, I need to go now. I think I can hear my stalker upstairs rifling through my underwear draw. Chin up, Fredd! You keep up the good work, and correctly execute our plan, and we shall take this world for great justice! See you later man, I'm gonna Christian Bail.

User:Christian Bale via sockpuppet--Matfen 13:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

Damn, I'm touched by your kindness, mate. As in really, really touched. I don't know what to say, really, other than thank you.. Thanks for cheering me up, Matfen, my friend, thank you really. And pass my thanks to Mr. Christian Bale, too! FreddThe Redd 16:04 • Tuesday, 6-04-2010
No problem bro. And I'll be sure to tell him once my restraining order expires. Was worth it though. Am sat in his boxers right now as I type :D --Matfen 21:55, April 6, 2010 (UTC)

MTV Castles: Elizabeth Bathory[edit]

Damn - wish I'd thought of that. Excellent idea! Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 10:56, April 7, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks. And by the way, one of your uncompleted articles, the one about the Welsh Cy Cllychs C'llan has profoundly amused me. I'd very well like to see it finished. :) FreddThe Redd 11:01 • Wednesday, 7-04-2010
As it happens, Multiliteralist and I were talking about finishing that one just the other day. The plan is that he finishes the article and I finish the "mysterious document" mentioned in the article as an UnBook. It might actually get done one day. :-) Rabbi Techno Icons-flag-gb.png kvetch Icon rabbi.gif Contribs Foxicon.png FOXES 11:03, April 7, 2010 (UTC)
I'd love to see that happen. In the meantime, if you have any suggestions/ideas for bathory, feel free to weigh in and edit the article, it's a wiki afterall, you know. :) FreddThe Redd 11:07 • Wednesday, 7-04-2010

Hi Samantha![edit]

I did that just to contradict you. I'm a dick, you see.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 01:06, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Hi Lisa! FreddThe Redd 07:38 • Thursday, 8-04-2010

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.[edit]

Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 20:05, April 8, 2010 (UTC)


Give me a shout once your article has gone through a pee review. I will then nominate it if you're happy with the finished product. --RomArtus Imperator(talk) 17:30, April 9, 2010 (UTC)

POTM. Now.[edit]

There's finally competition there. And I wanna finally win something. I LOVE YOU JENNY!!Jenny? 16:20,10April,2010