User talk:Guildensternenstein
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[edit] Archives
- Archive 1: 17 January 2009 - 7 May 2009
- Archive 2: 7 May 2009 - 26 May 2009
- Archive 3: 26 May 2009 - 11 July 2009
- Archive 4: 11 July 2009 - 18 August 2009
[edit] Would you like some piss with those chips sir?
??? Orian57 Talk 
04:21 19 August 2009
[edit] Your plethora of picks has come upon you
As in, go make 6 picks in a row, or something. It'll make you feel good. Woody On Fire! 
Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:48, 19 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Again
Make your million picks again, sir!--<<http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f1/Bradmonogram.png>> 11:32, 20 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Thank you from the world of High Art
| The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art Thank you for your patronage. | 
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| Professor Oliver N Acute-Tell, curator of “The Antipodean Gallery of Post-Modern Art” |
[edit] PEEd
| The article Mastodon has been reviewed by PuppyOnTheRadio(talk) | |
| Version as at 24/08/2009 | PEE review | |
[edit] UnSignpost 20th August, it's not late, your mom is!
The Newspaper that WILL win Zombiebaron back, damn it.
Date August 20th, 2009 • Issue 61 • Where no news is normal news
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Fantasy Football Draft Finished  After four weeks of red-hot eight-man free fantasy football league draft action, the first Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League (UFFL) Draft is finally at a close: Uncyclopedia regular and DiBiase's Millions general manager The Woodburninator made Arizona Cardinals' Kicker Neil Rackers Mr. Irrelevant on the afternoon of August 21th, 2009, a mere 26 hours after the previous pick had been made. Afterward, League Commissioner and noted Nazi sympathizer Guildensternenstein promised to make all subsequent Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League official actions run much more smoothly. He vowed he would "put the drafted players on their respective fantasy teams" at some point "after I'm done writing this story for the UnSignpost and before I go see Inglorious Bastards later tonight." The draft itself was varied, and picks ranged from the predictable (Vikings' running back Adrian Peterson taken first overall) to the even more predictable (Falcons' running back Michael Turner taken with second overall pick) to the fairly predictable (Drew Brees, Peyton Manning and Tom Brady being the first three quarterbacks taken) to the downright wild. Notable steals include Guildy's nabbing of Chris Johnson in Round 5, Woody's snagging of Aaron Rodgers in Round 6, and Bradaphraser's criminal steal of Dallas tight end Jason Witten. For every good pick, there was a bad one, however: in moves that would make Al Davis proud, LongLiverh3 took Philadelphia's No. 3 receiver while their No. 1 and No. 2 receivers were still on the board, made 30th ranked tight end L.J. Smith the second overall tight end picked, and made Baltimore QB Joe Flacco his backup quarter back while the likes of Matt Schaub, Jay Cutler, Ben Roethlisberger and Eli Manning were still available. LongLiver could not be reached for comment. New UnSignpost Editor already having trouble filling up space; Falls upon pointless gimmicks, self-references, long article titles to fill void  In a move that has surprised literally 0% of the Uncyclopedia UnSignpost community, the newest UnSignpost editor has already hit a wall in trying to think up new articles for the post. Well, that's not actually true. First he wrote a story trying to beg Zombiebaron to re-subscribe for the post. Then he actually looked at Zombiebaron's userpage to find out that he was actually leaving the site. Needless to say, the presses were called back, and more writing had to be done. Namely, this. Now, we at the post already know what you are thinking. But, since putting those things into print is outlawed in 36 states, two Canadian provinces, and all of Lithuania, we will instead reference the fact that there have been an awful lot of self-referencing in the UnSignpost lately. For that we are truly sorry. Also, we are sorry for self-referencing our own self-referencing. It is truly a problem that continues to build upon itself. We hope to soon continue with the top notch reporting that is so often found in our hallowed archives. Such as the time we wrote about Spang's village dump conquests, or the time we self-referenced how the UnSignpost's lovable mascot, "Dognewspaper" had not been in the Unsignpost for over nine months. Or that time we wrote about the Fantasy Football Draft being finished. Yes, all of those times were good. And we plan - nae, promise - to, in the very near future, continue bringing those kinds of articles to your doorstep. That is, if you don't mind finding a bit of drool upon it. |
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9001(bot) 
http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/4e/HalIcon.png http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/c/ca/MrNCyber.JPG 11:08, Aug 24
- I can't believe my name wasn't in that article. http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/b/b0/Icons-flag-it.png 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/3/35/SBQ3.JPG/15px-SBQ3.JPG 23:22,25August,2009
[edit] RE: Thanks!
You're welcome, and if those are pictures of you on that thank you template, then I'd like to ask you what you're doing this Friday night. -- [sir] e|m|c [TALK] 23:50, 24 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] On The Front Page
I read the little conversation you had with Modus and MrN - and to put it bluntly, you're out of line. Way out of line. No one here, and especially not the admins, owe you anything. The site is being managed quite nicely thank you very much - and from a perspective of over three years it's being run more smoothly that it has been for a long time, and this is why we didn't have a VFS for a long time. You going around ordering admins to change the front page at 00:00 Zulu time for whatever reason (and the reason of you having an article next on the queue is the worst one) is annoying, condescending and useless. This site's management is organized chaos, and it works great like that. And if the front page doesn't change for three days in a row because the admins didn't have the time to do so, forgot about it or for whatever reason than it doesn't change for three days in a row, even if the next three features are yours. We have been doing fine way before you came here and we don't need the encouragement. You are a good writer, make sure that from now on - you limit yourself to writing rather than administrating the site. ~http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f6/Jewriken.GIF 20:18, 25 August 2009 (UTC)
- Guildy got in trouble and I didn't? Holy shit. http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/b/b0/Icons-flag-it.png 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/3/35/SBQ3.JPG/15px-SBQ3.JPG 23:22,25August,2009
- It's because you and I aren't important enough to be told off, BBQ... Puppy/Radio VOTE POOF!
- Yes I Am. http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/b/b0/Icons-flag-it.png 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/3/35/SBQ3.JPG/15px-SBQ3.JPG 01:49,26August,2009
- Good point - somebody ban the BBQ! Puppy/Radio VOTE POOF!
- Yes I Am. http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/b/b0/Icons-flag-it.png 17YEARSOFcHeDDaR http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/3/35/SBQ3.JPG/15px-SBQ3.JPG 01:49,26August,2009
- It's because you and I aren't important enough to be told off, BBQ... Puppy/Radio VOTE POOF!
- Left a response on Mordillo's talkpage. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:07, 26 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] While we may have some differences...
I loved Quentin Tarantino. I fucking love it. I nearly pissed my pants while reading it. Bloody amazing, good work. Colin 
ALL YOUR BASEHeaney! Casa Bey Superfly Portfolio 03:16, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Thanks ain't no country I ever head of!
- Thanks ain't no country I ever heard of. Say thanks one more time, mothafucka! I dare you. I double dare you. - seriously, you captured the subject. Bravo!--Funnybony 11:11, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
- Hah, thank you. I've been getting a lot of compliments (both here and IRL) about that article. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:47, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Dead Dick
Bro! I voted for your super cool page. Please take a look at the upgraded version of this anti-war wackiness Dead Dick. It's up for nomination right now. Hope you enjoy it. Thanks in advance.--Funnybony 20:17, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
- Well, I'm not really a fan of vote whoring, but I will give this a look. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:26, 27 August 2009 (UTC)
- Bro, I really voted for your article because it's so good. Not to get your vote. I just wanted you to take a look, and vote as you see fit. I wish you would do an article on Martin Scorsese. I already did one on Joe Pesci you might like...
“Perhaps, in all fairness, I should explain to you exactly what it is I do. For instance, tomorrow I'll get up nice and early, take a walk down to the studio, and walk in and see you. And if you don't have the part for me, I’ll crack your fuckin’ head wide open in front of everybody on the set! And just about the time I'm coming out of jail, hopefully, you'll be coming out of your coma. And guess what? I'll split your fuckin' head open again!”
~ Joe Pesci to Director Martin Scorsese about auditioning for the part of Nicky Santoro in "Casino"--Funnybony 13:40, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
- Yes, I see. I've been thinking about redoing the Scorsese one (and about, like, 12 other articles), so if I ever do get around to doing that I'll let you know. As for your Dead Dick article, it was alright, but I still think it needs a bit more work before it's front page material, in my opinion. As for 'vote whoring,' or whatever, you did begin your comment with "I voted for your super cool page," which implies an obligation of me to do likewise. However, it really isn't that big a deal either way. Finally, that "Joe Pesci" quote is pretty funny. So yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:46, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
- Not that big a deal? May I direct you once again to the Whore Dramathon that I was subjected to? http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/b/b0/Icons-flag-it.png Puttano 20:04,28August,2009
- Like I said, not that big a deal. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:34, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
- Not that big a deal? May I direct you once again to the Whore Dramathon that I was subjected to? http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/b/b0/Icons-flag-it.png Puttano 20:04,28August,2009
- Yes, I see. I've been thinking about redoing the Scorsese one (and about, like, 12 other articles), so if I ever do get around to doing that I'll let you know. As for your Dead Dick article, it was alright, but I still think it needs a bit more work before it's front page material, in my opinion. As for 'vote whoring,' or whatever, you did begin your comment with "I voted for your super cool page," which implies an obligation of me to do likewise. However, it really isn't that big a deal either way. Finally, that "Joe Pesci" quote is pretty funny. So yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:46, 28 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Thanks Guilday!
| Have this shiny template to remind you of your unconditional love for poultry ... |
... ...KUN...Spam 14:59, 29 August 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Pixar
 The featured article UnScripts:Pixar: An Introduction for Uncyclopedians now available on DVD! Get the Disney Digital 3D experience with the enclosed glasses! You'll laugh until you get incredibly disoriented! Watch interviews with the people behind the article! (Head writer and reviewer(s) only.) Deleted scenes, like the infamous rant scene about the struggle between Disney and Pixar over Toy Story 3! You'll never want to watch it again! Buy the Limited Collector's Edition now! |
Thank you for supporting! http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/97/MacManiasig.png Sir MacMania CUN—[16:21 30 Aug 2009]
[edit] Poo Lit: The Judgening
We're looking for judges for Poo Lit. Are you game? Are you?! Sir Modusoperandi Brute! 05:10, 1 September 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Dungeons & Dragons & Dead Links Oh My!
Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise and some user pages link to User:Guildensternenstein/Dungeons & Dragons: Real Life Edition: Character Races which ain't there no more. It was huffed because it was a double redirect. But you could recreate the page with a single redirect to Dungeons & Dragons: Real Life Edition. I hope this helps! :) CUN Cpt.Brooke Shields Miley Spears (talk) 01:54, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
- Gotcha. I'll do that in the morning because I'm tired at the moment, but thanks for letting me know. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:21, September 2, 2009 (UTC)
- Heh, seems like this has been fixed already, at least on the PLS winners section. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:30, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
- It's not fixed on some user pages, and an admin said it would be OK if I fixed it for you, so I did the redirect. I really wanted to read the article, and it took me a while just to find it. Somebody else might not find it at all! I feel you've written some great articles! I've read ones I liked even when I don't know much about the topic. CUN Cpt.
Brooke ShieldsMiley Spears (talk) 03:48, September 4, 2009 (UTC)- Wow, thanks. I saw that the link was fixed in the winners section, and thought that would be enough, so yeah. Thanks, however, for going through and fixing the rest for me. I'm also glad you're a fan of my stuff. You've got some talent yourself, so keep up the good work. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:57, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
- It's not fixed on some user pages, and an admin said it would be OK if I fixed it for you, so I did the redirect. I really wanted to read the article, and it took me a while just to find it. Somebody else might not find it at all! I feel you've written some great articles! I've read ones I liked even when I don't know much about the topic. CUN Cpt.
- Heh, seems like this has been fixed already, at least on the PLS winners section. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:30, September 3, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Oregon Trail
Just make sure you don't lose it while you cross the river.
A belated token of gratitude. Thanks! http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/97/MacManiasig.png Sir MacMania CUN—[21:33 3 Sep 2009]
[edit] Thanks!
Thank you very much for helping to make me August 2009's Writer of the Month.
This is hands down one of the best moments I've had on Uncyclopedia. And you helped make it possible. Thank you.
• • • Necropaxx (T)
[edit] Führer Brooke Shields Says Thanks
.JPG)
| Miley Spears thanks you for voting For the VFH nominated Brooke Shields. It was selected as the Feature article for September 4, 2009! |
Thanks so much for your vote! It's my first feature. CUN Cpt.Brooke Shields Miley Spears (talk) 01:39, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] UnSignpost 4th September
The newspaper that missed an issue and no-one even noticed.
Date September something-or-other, 2009 • Issue 63 • Nobody reads this bit anyway
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Left alone to write the entire UnSignpost, Ape delivers sub-par, mostly self-referential issue "What happened to the signpost?" was the question on literally nobody's lips this week, as Uncyclopedia's favourite newspaper which everyone loves to read but no-one can be bothered to write for took another step on the long slow descent to obscurity. However, our intrepid hero, i.e. me, soon discovered the enormity of the task that lay ahead of him. Boxes had to be filled, interesting and thought-provoking forums had to be discovered and linked to, block logs had to be accessed and trawled for witty comments (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) and this article and presumably another one below it had to be written. "I never thought it could be this hard," Ape told himself, with sexual innuendo very much intended. "How did Gerrycheevers keep finding stuff to write about? There doesn't really seem to be much happening around here. I mean, I could start whoring my newest articles under the flimsy guise of self-referential irony, but that would be shit really. Who wants to see that? Nobody, that's who." However, in the absence of anything funny or clever to say, our hero, (who is gradually being revealed to be more of an anti-hero, like Alex in A Clockwork Orange, except with no sense of style) proceeded to do exactly that, shamelessly whoring two articles (which, if anything, evince his decline as a comedy writer), eliciting a universal chorus of groans and boos from all who had the misfortune to read it. An appeal to the Uncyclopedia community Seriously guys, if you don't want any more shitty issues like this I'm going to need help, or else the signpost is going to die like all the other well-intentioned projects that nobody bothers with. What we need is:
Thank you for your time. |
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Teh PWNerator B=D~ 16:53, September 4, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Have I been somewhat remiss?
I think I may have forgotten to give you one of these for your 25th in-depth review. My apologies, and please accept this somewhat vulgar addition to your bathroom. --UU - natter 
20:52, Sep 5
- Thank, UU. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:10, September 6, 2009 (UTC)
| Golden Urinal You have been awarded this coveted Golden Urinal in recognition of having completed over 25 in-depth pee reviews. Thanks for the hard work. Now have a rehydrating drink, and get back to pissing - there are still articles out there that need your help, dammit! |
[edit] UnSignpost Randomber 5th
The only newspaper that Codeine's mum has randomized
Date August 27th, 2009: THE RANDOM ISSUE • Issue 62 • Because the truth is not random enough
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Random Headline At 6:50 AM, ricers suffocated a homotopy. While noun was bamboozling, a cow suddenly swallowed. A sadist is a person who is kind to a masochist. Lech Wałęsa pasteurizes fat! Fairy washes an igneous protrusion! SMILES CHOLERA IS FUN!! At the end of the day, hawk washes tongss! Did the knight subpoena... All things considered, Russian cymbals suffocates bronze star electric ballistic heavy quantum-minigun Burundian ad hoc raping Ministry of Truth July Welsh great axe riots delete brown China diet pill cartilage golf. OMGSTFUROFL!111!!!11!one Babe Ruth was a total Bitch! Look, I'm not saying he wasn't good at baseball! I'm not trying to destroy your great baseball heroes. But let's not kid ourselves here. Babe Ruth was a complete and total bitch. Come on. He couldn't catch the ball. And he whined at the umpires when people called him fat (even though he totally was). And he always talked about how much his feelings were hurt by people trying to buy him a beer. Signpost Has Gone Officially Bat fuck Insane
Due to frequent lack of interest and excitement, this UnSignpost issue has now gone totally insa-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Genital wart in the left politician! BOMB IRAN! HEIL CAJEK! funny bones. axes. |
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At the end of the day, please think of the into fats! —Sir Socky
(talk) (stalk)
KUN SotM UotM 18:01, 7 September 2009
[edit] Goddam I'm so excited
Sorry about the draft, i was on vacation. Forgot to put that template, too. ~LL suuucks.~ ~vandalise here~ 06:11, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
- Hah, no big deal, welcome back! Also, today's my birthday! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 10:42, September 8, 2009 (UTC)
[edit] Thanking you for your vote on Psyché
| So, tell me about your mother. Do you have any naked photos of her? Do you want some? Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts, and voting for this article. |
[edit] Thank you for voting on Number Bases
| Your one vote made the difference! I knew I could count on you! |
[edit] Thank you from the trainyards
Isaac The Tank Engine Thank you template is currently unavailable.
Our thank you template is currently deceased, however it is due to be back in 3 days.
We apologise for any inconvenience.
Puppy/Radio VOTE POOF!
