User talk:Guildensternenstein/archive1

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search


Hello, Guildensternenstein, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig.png) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Guildensternenstein/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If you want to write and don't know where to begin, browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome! --Sycamore (Talk) 18:46, 17 January 2009 (UTC)


Hey ill give your articles a quick read through, but do me a favor and click the signature button at the top of your edit screen to sign the end of your posts and your messages. I will nominate you if your articles are solid but you may want to wait till next month to make a good run for it, that is if your still considered a noob then. Your first month of membership might expire. Anyways, post both of your articles on pee reveiw. I think you have one up right now but if you want to, I will give both long and detailed reviews. If you have any questions just talk under this message. I will be told when you say somethinng on this page for now on. Good luck!--Tagstit 05:53, 20 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I did the articles 'Tom Brady' and 'Gravity's Rainbow', for the record. And thanks a ton.

No problem, you will see a template making sure no idiot goes in and does a crappy review on the page. It will take me a bit to do them, but they should both be done by tomorow.--Tagstit 06:01, 20 January 2009 (UTC)
Don't worry, I never take insults from someone as new as you as offensive. In fact, I have only been here for a few weeks and the every time I review a noob's first article, it is always filled with lots of cuss words and one-liners, yours was no exception. Also, every noob has tried to defend their article and saying I am wrong but no offense and that they are going to ask someone else. This again, has been no exception. And, my response is always to say then go nominate it for VFH, or send it again, and they usually end up with no nominations or a worse score. Now, I am not trying to bash you or anything, its just important to know your not the only one who wrongly thinks their first article is great. I guess the point of all of this is too show you that one of the main things I have found between noobs and skilled people here, is that skilled people can take criticism. I hope you learn to soon too.--Tagstit 00:11, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I never said that my article was "great," or even "good." To be honest, I think it's something in the range of 26-29, which is OK at very best. And I didn't mean to be insulting, if I came off that way I'm sorry. To be honest I wrote that whole thing in about 45 minutes (including pictures etc.) after a couple of days playing around on the sight for fun (I've known of Uncyclopedia's existence for less than a week, you see). I also dislike Tom Brady, if you can't tell. So yeah. I do, however, stick by some of the stuff I said. I mean, stupid, random-ass humor is, well...stupid. For a site that claims to be dedicated to "satire," there is surprisingly little of it here. So (and this is probably just a matter of personal preference), my articles will be about a.) Things that actually exist, and b.) Will say something criticizing/lapooning/satiring said real world thing. Not that I don't like surrealist humor (I think that a good article should be both surrealist and satirical, the entry on Michael Bay is a good example), but I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. I also think that I was unjustly knocked points for the videos not loading (which affected both prose and images score), as well as the fact that you're clearly (and you more-or-less said so yourself) a "sports person." And, finally, I don't know that you can be calling me a noob, being here a whooping 2 1/2 weeks longer than I have, Mr. Noob of the Month. Again, I'm not insulting you, just saying. Anyway, don't feel obligated to review my other articles (I submitted "Pre-Presidential Accomplishments of Barack Obama" just a few minutes ago), if you don't want to. And I do appreciate your review. After all, some feedback is better than waiting forever and getting no feedback. So yeah. Sorry if I offended, and yeah. That's about it.
Alright, we are cool. Btw I am a huge sports person, I play football, water polo, swim, and basketball at my school and watch sports all the time, so stop callin me not a "sports person." And I really want you to get different feedback so resend your one I reviewed. It is only my view. And I am not saying I am not a noob, I am just saying that something noobs do is they don't accept criticism. Alright, we are cool man don't worry bout anything. --Tagstit 01:06, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
Sorry, just an (unfair) assumption on my part. I am certainly not a "sports person," although I very much like NFL football. Perhaps you're a Pats fan? haha. Anyway, I re-submitted that article. And yes, we're cool, haha. How are your newest articles coming? --Guildensternenstein 01:10, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
Good, I am really stuck on helpin Snake7. He is a really funny guy his articles lack a certain...I don't know what and I am trying to improve it. My book is kind of running out of ideas but I am just putting thoughts down. If you wanna put some feedback into em thatd be great!--Tagstit 01:20, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
That's pretty cool. I have at least a five or six ideas I have right now that I plan on doing soon. My latest article I thought up and wrote today in as a response to the inaugeration. (I hate B.H.O. too). I'll post my articles on Pee Review as I write them, so yeah. Feel free to review (or not review) them as you please, and I do appreciate input. But yeah, that's pretty cool, though.
Ya, I just got an idea for unnews so Im doing that right now, check it out and tell me what you think, it is on my page under what I am working on--Tagstit 03:21, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
The "All You Need Is Love" one is really funny/clever, if that's the one you're referring to. Good idea. I like the 'head caption' a lot.
Thanks, it did worse in Pee then I wanted it too, but its all good because I got a feature today so I am happy.--Tagstit 14:48, 21 January 2009 (UTC)
Yes 'Scary Movie' my favorite of your articles congrats dude.
Thanks alot!--Tagstit 15:00, 21 January 2009 (UTC)


Hi there Guildensternenstein, nice to see you around, and thanks for taking the time to do a few reviews - we really do appreciate it when people take the time to help others out around here. However, seeing as you are giving your time, would you mind giving a few more minutes and putting a little more feedback in those reviews? Have a little look through the review guidelines, and see what you think. This is not warning or anything - the way I see it, if you're going to take up some of your time to try and help others, might as well make sure your own time isn't wasted by giving them enough to go on, right? Take a look at some other reviews by the likes of young Tagstit there, or Orian57, one of our veteran reviewers, or Mnbvcxz, a reviewing machine, to see what I mean.

Anyway, don't let me put you off anything, just thought I'd mention it. See you about the place! --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 21:05, Jan 23

Gotcha, will do.

If there's one thing I like to see, it's a person as good as their word. That Episcopal Church review was superb, thanks for listenin'! --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 22:36, Feb 9
Absolutely. --Guildensternenstein 01:18, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Pee Review, Pre-Presidential Accomplishments of Barack Obama[edit]


I've pee-reviewed this article and wanted to give you a heads up. I tend to be critical when I pee reveiw something, and I do not pee review many articles because I seldom find ones that I have a great deal of interst in. This one, however caught me eye, and from my writing awards, I think I have a good eye.

This article is a strong start, but it needs work to hailed with rose petals and marching band. If you read through the pee review, take my suggestions to heart I think that you will get the article to where it needs to be.

Happy to look at it in the future if you are up to it.

Hugs, Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 22:14, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks dude (or maybe dudette, as you're giving me "hugs") I will look it over in the near future and post it for Peeing when the time comes. Thanks again.

Two things. First, that would be dudette, and you are welcome ;-)! Secondly, did you know that you can sign your posts by typing 4 tildas ~~~~ and your name and the time of post will date stamp. Isn't that a handy helper? Hugs, Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 20:27, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Yes, I do know that, but am never really compelled to do it, although, if you insist:

--Guildensternenstein 22:54, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

Its a convention that we follow rather universally. You'll discover that the longer you're around us. Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 01:34, 28 January 2009 (UTC)

Could you take a look at...[edit]

...Sweet smoking Jesus and see if the changes please you? If not, just let me know what I need to do> Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 19:27, 30 January 2009 (UTC)

Sure thing. Could you perhaps adopt me as part of the "Adopt a Noob" program? I would very much like it if you did.

Just gave it a gander, and I like what you did. Those two sections at the end were exactly what I had in mind, and the artcle certainly feels more "complete" now. I like.

Hahaha thank you will do. --Guildensternenstein 23:57, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

OK, so, how exactly do you go about adopting me etc.? I am awaiting that to happen.

--Guildensternenstein 21:28, 1 February 2009 (UTC)

Gravity's Rainbow[edit]

Apologizing needlessly to the fine gentleman who did it, but the Pee Review you finally got for your article on Gravity's Rainbow was maybe one notch above useless. There was every indication that the author has never heard of the subject, much less read the book. Is it just me, or doesn't it look like a review just for the sake of being able to say he's reviewed something (expecting something a little more colorful? Because it is about a rainbow? Are we serious?).

I didn't do the review because I am a lazy asshole. No, that's not it. Actually, I haven't found a comfort area here to feel OK about reviewing, to be honest. But if you would like, I would be happy to put some effort into a real review. If you care. If so, put it up for a second opinion and I'll snatch it. I realize that I need to start reviewing constructively to be a real part of this nonsense. Which, why do I want to be, but, whatever.

If on the other hand you are happy with that review - if, that is, "This is a good subject to write on and you did a good job of it" sounds like more to you than a rubber stamp, then forgive this unwanted intrusion into your happy bubble.

Yes, I had thought that exact same thing. I read through most of that user's reviews and they're all that way. I have a feeling he/she is 11 years old or retarded.
I'm serious.
And when I put it up for VFH (which I only did so someone would flippin' Pee Review the damn thing!) it was pretty clear the people voting hadn't read the book either. If they did, they would understand. I mean, yes, the joke is a I say 'fuck' a lot, but there's more to it than that. GR is about sooooo much, and then to list a portion of everything it's about, only to dismiss it and focus on the sexual aspects, I think, is pretty funny in an "I don't know what I'm talking about" sort of way. That's what I was going for, at least.
I mean, I'm sure you've at least heard of Gravity's Rainbow judging from your name (my fav. author, by the way, I'm reading V. as right now and am nearly done with it), and are therefore probably "qualified" to review it. I'll put it up for second opinion and let you have a stab at it. Thanks, dude.

--Guildensternenstein 02:13, 4 February 2009 (UTC)


Hey just driving by here and wanted to say that the user who has reviewed your article does feel bad and is very apologetic. My guess is that he was just trying to make some quick easy friends by giving a few high scores. I am currently teaching him about getting better and he is making an enthusiastic effort at better reviewing. Also I don't mean to offend anyone but be a bit more forgiving when dealing with beginners. Don't forget at one point you wrote me a pretty empty review than begged for a nomination. No hard feelings I hope! Good luck on NOTM--~SirTagstitVFHNotMPEEINGCPTRotMBFF 05:00, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

Hahaha yes.

--Guildensternenstein 13:20, 4 February 2009 (UTC)

GR Reviewed[edit]

Imagine my surprise when, no sooner had I whined about it being nonsense to do an article on Harry Partch here in my Concept section then did I find there is one.

I don't think it's very funny though - a tepid pun on the name being similar to Harry Potter and absolutely no acknowledgement of the real accomplishments of the man. But I digress and you don't care...

--TPLN 01:49, 5 February 2009 (UTC)

I've just read this previous review and noted that both the Testicle and I recommended that more cowbell be added in the image department. Really explore the studio space this time. IronLung 09:14, 8 February 2009 (UTC)
I had noticed that too. I thought that you had read the previous article and were alluding to it haha. It's funny, because I didn't actually change any of the images when I reworked the article between the two reviews. So perhaps I should add more cowbell. Because [insert cowbell joke here]. Also, the only cure for my fever is more cowbell.

--Guildensternenstein 15:57, 8 February 2009 (UTC)


Elevator-Fun.jpg Going Down?

Necropaxx would like to thank you profusely for reading his article and actually liking it enough to vote For.

The picture on the right is exactly what you wouldn't see in an elevator. Sorry. :(

Your username is awesome, btw. Necropaxx (T) {~} 17:27, Feb 12

Hahaha thank you. --Guildensternenstein 17:36, 12 February 2009 (UTC)


We could use you. Sir SysRq (talk) 22:28, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for Peeing at Rorschach[edit]

Here to thank you for the reviews in my UnBooks:Rorschach's journal article. I really wanna do my best and try to make this VFH, but there's a lot to learn and I've touch up the work from your criticisms. Tell me how you find it now?--A. SHePerD 16:24, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

I'll give it another look for ya but it'll be a while. --Guildensternenstein 01:10, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks pal! :) A. SHePerD 12:17, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Unadopted and you're welcome[edit]

First of all, Congratualtions on being Newbie of the Month. As your Adopter on Uncyclopedia, I should note that it is now past the First of the Month, you really should have sent out your thank you notes to all who voted for you out by now. Other people who were up for the award are now sitting in their miserable little worlds, sobbing, and its the fault of the people who voted for you. So its reall important that you thank them so that they don't feel that they wasted their vote on you. You may either write a nice note (but not the same note, that would be gauche) on each voters talk page, or you can design a nice little tempalte (notice "little"; there is nothing that says I'm a space hog than a huge template) to put on people's pages.

Secondly, seeing that our interaction is minimal (I don't remember if you asked for my opinion on really anything, or writing to tell me that you missed me), and my lack of maternal instinct (I don't adopt, but for you I made the exception) I now deem you free to go out and have fun on your own.

Fond farewell, bye bye, and write when you find work. Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 03:21, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

You aren't an idiot. You have a lot of talent. You have lots of friends, too. And yes, I had to go back and read my archived posts - you did wish me a Happy Valentines Day, and being the mother cat I am I pointed my attention in another direction. I'm telling you, my children have it hard enough; its all I can do not to toss them a couple pig ears to knaw on instead of making them Creme of Wheat on a winters morning. Got to be nice to them, because they are whats going to keep me out of a nursing home when I'm old and insane. As for the Templates, look around on someone's talk page for one you like, go to that template, copy the code and set it up on in your namespace as you own template - just remember to change the text, image and color. Do you have a hex pallet to work with? You can use Hex Codes to define the color of your text, border and fill areas of the template. I'm not going far. If you need me, just drop me a line. Dame PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 14:06, 2 March 2009 (UTC)


I'm almost able to literally make a template from scratch but the key for a beginner is pretty simple. Just "steal" the code from other templates and alter them.

Example 1: Basic Box

Hit the edit button and you'll see how I tweaked a x-mas card template I received to make it my own. All I did was tweak the values/colors and put in different pics. Just play around with the code and keep hitting "preview" to see what happens when you change stuff.

Example 2: HTML

Thank you for voting.

Thank you all for voting me your Writer of the Month for December 2008, despite my rather long winded speech half-telling you not to while still being whore enough to accept the award anyways. Enjoy this pretty template styled after my pretty new userpage as your payment, as per our previous agreement. Much love, Sir SysRq (talk) 22:49, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Flower power 4708d8a4838a8.jpg
Thanks For Being Groovy!

I am both deeply humbled and appreciative of your vote to promote me to Knight Grand Cross of the Order and shall send the magic van round to your flat with virtual contraband

I never thought I was going to use this code from Sys at first, I just played around with it to see what I could make it do. This isn't a "box" template, I believe we have a "table" here. The code structure for this is much different than the simple box code, being "outright HTML" (Is there such a difference? Isn't it all HTML? How would I know, I'm just a code parrot) Immediately, I noticed that this was a different beast and I couldn't simply drop in pics and stuff using the box code method. Over time, I copied little segments of code that created effects I liked and kept them for later use. I did a lot of work changing Sys' basic concept to make it my own. I found the code necessary to drop a pic in the template and I finally used the HTML blink code I'd been saving. Using {{Blink|words go here}} has its limitations but the HTML code allows you to blink any size/font/color easily.

You may have slightly missed your NOTM opportunity to send a template but the personal messages you've left are just fine. Perhaps your next VFH success would be a great time to send your first thank you template. Heck, any good deed can warrant a template. Parroting code is lawful as long as you spend a little time to "make it your own" by sufficiently altering it. Have fun! Plus, thank you for the WOTM congrats and you're welcome on the NOTM vote.--DRStrangesig5.png Sherman.png Fingertalk.png  11:21, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for all of that, it was quite useful. As I'm in line to get a feature fairly soon, I will (attempt to) make everyone thank-you templates. Hopefully, they don't suck haha. Thanks. --Guildensternenstein 19:27, 2 March 2009 (UTC)
Oh look, it's one of my templates. Yeah, Gildy, what DrStrange has said is spot on: steal things. I don't know if my templates would be the best to steal, seeing as how all of them are kinda fitting this new theme I have going on (see my talk page and user page to get what I'm driving at) and they're more HTML. The wikified boxes are quick and easy, and you can whip one up and have it distributed in about two minutes twenty with some clever copy/paste techniques and the right Firefox keyboard shortcuts. Ultimately, though, don't spend too much time on them, as we all just throw them away after we read them. Bit like greeting cards, really. Sir SysRq (talk) 19:56, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

And if you can work with animated gifs you can plop one into the template like this: