User talk:HELPME

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Archive- January 15-February 14. HELPME crash lands on Uncyclopedia, some incidents and stuff, and is adopted by User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig2. He also wins a golden shower and gets into PEEING.

  • Archive 2- February 14-April 20. NOTM and all of its escapades, my disappearance, and Paizuri's ga1y retard fagginess.
  • Be as gay as possible, at all times.
  • When I finally do archive this, do not just say "rape!!!1!!!" for the first message. Be creative. If you make the first message on my new page after this is archived anything to do with rape, I'll probably delete it.

Raaaaaaaaaape[edit]

You copying swine you. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:00, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Oh and if you delete this I'll ban you for a month per deleted letter :). --ChiefjusticeDS 19:01, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
I was about to delete it when you edit conflicted me with that. Bastard admin.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 19:01, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
AHAHAHAHAHA!!! --ChiefjusticeDS 19:03, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
Well...your sig isn't colorful! Ha!--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 19:04, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
But it is sexy and cool, just ask Orian. --ChiefjusticeDS 19:05, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
It's only sexy and cool because you're a sexy and cool admin, dagnabbit.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 19:06, April 20, 2010 (UTC)

Sloppy seconds[edit]

Tesla's guitar thanks you for giving a helping hand to Giant Jew Band. They all appreciated the hand, and I hear Morrie used it twice! Thanks again. Al en chain 19:14 21 4

Excuse me, I hope you don't mind as I stick my throbbing cock into your ass. Was that better than just "Raaape!!!1!"? Fine, be like that! Straight people have feelings too you know! ;_; —Pelozurian (talk) 22:42, 20 April 2010 (UTC)

No they don't.The only feelings they have are related to having sex with women. I knowz it.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 23:14, April 20, 2010 (UTC)
Do not!...Oh dayum, check out those titties!Pelozurian (talk) 23:22, 20 April 2010 (UTC)
Finally someone that understands!    Orian57    Talk   Union pink.jpg 00:43 21 April 2010
Orian, nobody understands you. PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Wednesday, 06:31, Apr 21 2010 UTC

Viking![edit]

You've been plundered![edit]

Ouch!  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  21 Apr 2010 ~ 01:44 (UTC)

U[edit]

Hay. How are you? I'm Ljlego and I'm old here. You're HELPME and you're new here. From the looks of it you're on a meteoric rise to prestige and power. On Uncyclopedia. That's something I know firsthand from experience. I also know the crash that inevitably follows. I know it's difficult to, like, slow down. Because creativity just happens. But I just want to caution you that, much like with a PCP high, you can't keep up the pace forever. And the crash is monstrous. Unless you're Modusoperandi. That crazy fucker never stops. I suspect that he's like Homer, personally. Old, Greek, and more than one person.

There was a point to this. Here it is, expressed as metaphor. If you don't give yourself a little time between masturbations, you run out of semen and start squirting dust. Don't squirt dust. With that revolting image, I bid you adieu.~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 02:35, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

So I should buy that shirt? Cool, thanks! (Yes, I understood what you were saying...why talk to me though? Am I the most special person here? Well, duh, but still.)--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 02:41, April 22, 2010 (UTC)
Of course you are! Why do you do yourself down all the time?    Orian57    Talk   Union pink.jpg 16:32 22 April 2010
Something about how you remind me of a "young me" perhaps?~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk]
Except much, much gayer, right? —Pelozurian (talk) 00:04, 23 April 2010 (UTC)
Don't lie Lj, you're almost the same age as me.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 01:31, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks![edit]

Also, thanks for sparing me the trouble of updating the Hall of Shame, as I just found out. I appreciate it, man. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:20, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

No problem, I do that for everybody. The HoS shall never be behind again! Mwahaha!--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 19:11, April 22, 2010 (UTC)

You're looking to adopt[edit]

Would you adopt me? Seriously, that's cool. This is my dream: Cainad (CUN or higher) adopted Miley Spears (CUN or higher) who adopted me (CUN or higher) who adopted some really cool people including HELPME (CUN or higher). If you adopt someone who becomes a CUN or higher, we'd make it five generations. But really, adopting someone who doesn't make CUN but who is productive is of course very important and helpful to the site. I don't expect everyone to reach our level of total awesomeness. OK, so that last part wasn't completely serious. Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  04:20, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Sure, I'll adopt you. First, you're signing your posts incorrectly. It should have your username until you've become more experienced, not just the word "WHY". Dumb noob.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 19:10, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
Oh, gee, I'm so sorry! I am such a noob! But if you say "It should have your username," that's what I'll do! your username 19:38, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
No! /slap Bad noob! I'll sign it correctly with my username. You sign with Why do I need to provide this? because that's your username. Idiot noob. You should go die or something. HELPME
Ouch! Cries. If I change my name do I still have to kill myself? I'm sorry but why do I have to be called Why do I need to provide this? That's such a stupid user name. I'll change it. I'll be HELPME JUNIOR 19:48, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
I agree, Why do I need to provide this? is the worst username in history. That's why you have to have it. It's stupidity matches yours.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 20:13, April 23, 2010 (UTC)
Oh. Well, that's OK then. Why do I need to provide this? 20:30, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

hi can i have adopt --AYUDAME 21:04, April 23, 2010 (UTC)

Please no[edit]

In regard to this, no. I was given authority by the admins (at least by MrN9000 who appointed me head of IC) to decide who gets credit for the colonizations I headed. I realize you're trying to help, but honestly this was out of line. It's a very tough decision to make, and I just posted a note on the IC talk page that I may not even have it posted and decided until Monday. I have to go through three separate pages of edits and check talk pages, etc., to come to a final decision and right now real life is in my way. Before you do something like this again, please ask first. Consider yourself spanked. All right, I had my say, I'll be calm and friendly once again. Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  02:38, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

You deserve a spanking too, you said "see the note on your talk page" way before you posted that, as if I wouldn't look at that glaring new messages bar. :P OK, I see what you're saying and whatever else I'm supposed to say.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 02:40, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

Ok ill stop posting things on ur page if u stop on mine

What the hell are you talking about?--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 03:02, April 24, 2010 (UTC)

The shit u posted on my wall

Yeah, because you totally didn't deserve that. —Pelozurian (talk) 03:05, 24 April 2010 (UTC)
"Wall"? This isn't Facebook, kid.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 03:06, April 24, 2010 (UTC)
OMG! You should totally add me on there! —Pelozurian (talk) 03:13, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

Just to let you know[edit]

That banging you heard last night was me and your mom doing social time. Also remind her I left my socks there would you?--Grue ApocalypseDirectorEye 4.gifWILLExplode 3.GIFYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 21:17, April 25, 2010 (UTC)

Just to let you know that banging you felt last night. That was me and you doing special time. Can I have my socks back?    Orian57    Talk   Union pink.jpg 02:12 26 April 2010
No, I am the evil person who steals your socks after sex. You'll just be without your socks forever. Bwahahaha!--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 19:12, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
YOu can't stal my socks as I didnt do you, and if you did (me cocks shotgun) I want them back--Grue ApocalypseDirectorEye 4.gifWILLExplode 3.GIFYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 20:16, April 26, 2010 (UTC)
Just to let you know that banging you can hear from under the desk is me and my hand doing social time. Trust me, you don't want the sock after. PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Wednesday, 04:24, Apr 28 2010 UTC

Vote now for Colonisation[edit]

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,

As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.

As I have been press-ganged encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.

Good luck, and may the farce be with you!

PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC

Addendum
Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote. PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC
Whore.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 19:14, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Papyrus Containing The Blah Blah..[edit]

Go vote. VFH. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 20:45, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Double-whore.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 20:46, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Whores! Whores! And me, I left my wallet at home[edit]

Thanks for adding all the stuff. I had to add in the Bruce Wayne collab thing too. You are as fast as the wind. And I like what we did on the talk page of A Wizard did it, that was such a nice feature experience. A Whore 22:50 28 4

I've received several thankings for adding stuff. I usually do it a minute or so after the article's featured, because I'm awesome.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 22:52, April 28, 2010 (UTC)

Work safe art[edit]

We will probably need an admin's advice on this one. A public statue of the quality of this piece is art, not porn, imnho. You think otherwise. So this should go upline, above our paygrade. Would you NSFW a photo of David? And why remove Category:Art. I wish I knew who the artist was. The Sophia one in the dress seems safe too, just because they show cleavage. Both of these pics are in articles, so according to your opinion those pages should have NSFW tags too. Anyway, aside from that stuff, thank you for looking at the edits, it's good to have a second pair of eyes. Can you believe some of those tags? Cheers. Al des chain 1:48 30 4 MMX

Looks like someone named Modillo has chimed in. But we should go above his paygrade too. And I checked the article Cleavage and it's got a tag on it! 1950 still lives, and we must at least bring uncy up to 1970. I think your principal will think the page is PrOn, if she's 69 years old! Al sans chains 2:04 30 4 mmx
Is this a work of art? Or has someone just stuck a radioactive dildo on a statue? PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Friday, 01:58, Apr 30 2010 UTC


That's why I put the art category back. Silly. And take my example- if Monet drew a picture of his balls, would it be allowed in schools? No, it's the image that matters, not why or by who it was made.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 02:12, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, buddy![edit]

I saw it! SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 02:50, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

I do that for everyone, really. But you're welcome. :3--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 02:52, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1 May[edit]

Brought to you by fucking magic. Sir SockySexy girls.jpg Mermaid with dolphin.jpg Tired Marilyn Monroe.jpg (talk) (stalk)Magnemite.gif Icons-flag-be.png GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY 11:43, 1 May 2010

Police notified[edit]

You put a gun in my stuff! I've had to call the cops, who are in the prcess of id'ing and fingerprinting the gun, and all the evidence points back to you. Thanks for the thoughts, but a counter argument about some of the stuff. I think it's psychologically beneficial and fun to put some of the good stuff there yourself (talking in first person), something about the thrill of nice stuff being found and packratted away rather than it being handed to you. Like those Nobel Prize wimps, they let the King of Sweden give them their Nobel Prize when they should just go in the storeroom safe of the Nobel Committee and grab it themselves. But I do appreciate the sentiment, thanks. The police are still on their way, and should be arriving. . .just about. . . .now! Al sans chains 15:09 May Day MMX

p.s. Check out the bottom of the forum of new constitution for a suggestion and vote.
You're still weird.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 15:11, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

You have a keen eye[edit]

Thanks for spotting my many fuck ups on the RotM page, I might refrain from editing important pages in the future. I have no idea how I mistook May for March... The funny thing is I actually had to pause to remember which month came after April, and still I got it wrong. Good job this isn't a real wiki. --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 18:32, May 1, 2010 (UTC)

Wow. You aren't dumb, though. You just don't know your months. Even after you see them in timestamps all over the site.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 23:40, May 1, 2010 (UTC)
To be fair it was the 1st of May, also first thing in the morning, so I probably hadn't seen many timestamps. Also, don't the clocks go back by a month sometime soon? I can never remember when it is. --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 07:58, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

To arms![edit]

Good day loyal Peeing member, the management was wondering if you had noticed the state of the toilet recently, if not, why not? This is a call to you, as one of our better active reviewers, for a couple of reviews from you over the next few days. The queue is in the worst state it has been in for a little while and I would really appreciate you taking the time to do a couple of reviews. If you are able to help out then please review the older requests first.

What else do you need to hear? Get pissing! --ChiefjusticeDS 15:17, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

You gave me this message while I was in the middle of trying to review something. Oh, the irony.--Sir ~HELPME~ Count! Awards! Pee! Help! 15:18, May 2, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks![edit]

Thanks![edit]

StrikerGoreaward.jpg Striker2117 and
Al Gore
thank you for your vote!

Without you, their theorem
could not have been featured.

--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 00:18, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Review: Michael Jefferson[edit]

Hello, you reviewed my article on Michael Jefferson, I have a couple of questions regarding on how to make it better. My first question, The red links are there to show the Michael Jackson title of the album, all the album names are jokes on his real albums, is there any other way then linking to imply the original title? I figure that instead of an explanation for each album, I could do an era to make less, but longer subtitles like "The Good Days(1958-1986), would that be good? What is self reference? Any Ideas help to make it better, Im hoping it will eventually be featured one day.

Note that when I say self-reference, I mean reference to you, the author. Time periods are fine. I understand what you were trying to do but I hate redlinks. I think they should go die. Hope this helps.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 11:28, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
The multi-colored stick that is HelpMe is right, red links suck Jefferson balls Aleister in Chains 14:30 5 5 MMX

OMG[edit]

Your new sig = epic lulz. —Pelozurian (talk) 14:15, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

Thanks.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 19:34, May 5, 2010 (UTC)
You're welcome. —Pelozurian (talk) 19:35, 5 May 2010 (UTC)

Sandstorm[edit]

Is it all one word? I better check. Now that I'm done talking to myself, thanks again for the great unofficial pee review. I've made lots of additions and changes per your suggestions, and am much happier with the page (I had tossed it together from a throwaway line I left on Funnybony's talk page, "HowTo create a sandstorm? Just pucker up your lips and blow", and it felt incomplete when Funnybony nommed it). That's about the best pee review I've had in terms of being helpful, so

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, HELPME! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
GoldenShower2.JPG
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.
Aleister sans chains 17:05 8 5 mmx
If it had been official, I assure you it would have been longer with more pointed advice- but thanks anyway. If it fails VFH and you want an official one, just ask :)--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 20:44, May 8, 2010 (UTC)

Upsilon Sigma Sigma needs you![edit]

Dear brother of our proud fraternity, we need your vote for Nintendo for April's top 3! It is imperative for the glory of the empire er, frat that we get our first collaboration into the top 3 so we can all jerk off celebrate together about our epic success at the next kegger! Please consider lending your support to your bros,

sincerely,

The Founder, aka That Asshole 20:37 EST 8th of May

Jet Lag[edit]

Yes! Thanks a mil. It's always good to get feedback. I think I made every change you suggested as I went down your review and did them all. Only I'm keeping it short as a HowTo:. Your review and help is much appreciated. Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/7/7a/Agnideva-small.jpg http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/02/AGT-logo-small.jpg 19:14, May 9

OK! Done. I really think it is much better with all your suggestions. Please take another look and let me know what I missed. And/or please make any edits you like. Thanks! BTW: Are you really up for banning? That must be a sick joke!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/7/7a/Agnideva-small.jpg http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/02/AGT-logo-small.jpg 19:57, May 9
Thanks so much for fixing up the lists; it looks better. I tried to fix the templates but they won't move. I fixed the red link at the bottom. Remember to always make it Uncyclopedia:Pee Review instead of just pee review. I like it more now; good work.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 22:14, May 9, 2010 (UTC)

halls of shame[edit]

Thanks for the lift in the Hall, I tried to get there ahead of you. Maybe on my next one after Sandstorm (if it makes it, and because you helped so much, please yank it up there) you can let me do it. It really is a good ending of the work on a page to list it there yourself, I don't know why, a brain-pattern primitive thing I guess. By the way, Why?'s halls of shamed entry doesn't have "Bruce Wayne" on it yet, one-half point, do you want to do the honors because it looks like he forgot to. Thanks again. I see the edits you're doing on random pages, I enjoy doing that too, and adding pics and captions when one seems to fit. Al sans chains 00:43 9 5 MMX

Mostly grammar and spelling, actually. I just click "random page" and find the incorrect spelling. As for the HOS, you can never beat me. Nobody can beat me at maintenance speed. Ever.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 00:45, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
Al, I'll be sure to ban him next time you have an article featured. ~http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f6/Jewriken.GIF 00:49, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
Traitor. I thought you were on my side.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 00:54, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
By the way, when I saw More Dillo's signature at the bottom of the page, I got scared.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 00:57, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
Banished! I like the sound of that. I enjoy random paging it too, and look for pics that could be used elsewhere, for large white spaces near the beginning of articles (surprised at how often that happens) to fix, and sometimes to add mucho writing and pics (Corn snake is a recent find, I've got a new pic to add actually and will run it in right after this) Enjoy. Al sans chains 1:00 10 5 MMX
You'll get it featured. Considering you, you'll probably get Warm piss water featured somehow.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 01:02, May 10, 2010 (UTC)
Challenge! If you want to nom it in half an hour or so I'll see what I can do to improve it. Did you get Why? Bruce Wayne in the alley of shame? I must go now and dive into some warm piss water. Al in challenge mode 1:11 10 5 mmx
I tire, for now, of Warm piss water, but will return to it on the morrow refreshed and alert, and will work on it until you nom it or say it is of feature quality, and then I will work on it some more, sayeth I. And I, too, am scared of Mordillo's signature, that twirling Star of David hypnotizes me into submission and he sometimes forces mec to bark like a dog. Al sans chains 2:16 10 5 MMX
Just looked at the history here. I love that you fixed twirling but still managed to misspell me. And what's wrong with barking like a dog? PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Monday, 05:31, May 10 2010 UTC
Ah, not to confuse, Mec is my neighbor, a cute gal who many of us often make bark like a dog. There is nothing wrong in the barking, but being forced to bark is crossing the line of civility. Just ask Mec. Al sans chains 11:47 10 5 MMX

Just found out while requesting a redirect that Rabbi has a similar page to Warm piss water, Real Ale, a funny article. I've put in much more work on Warm piss water since last posting here, and gotten it in pretty good shape, aye, deserving of a drink or two. At a glance Rabbi's page looks fine too. Now maybe you should nom both pages at the same time, aye, or I am cursed to continue working on the one (and I won't give a good read to Rabbi's as long as I'm working on Warm, so as not to unconsciously spork anything). Drink up, Al sans chains 16:41 11 5 MMX

Discordianism and HELPME[edit]

You may know that, while Discordianism got 13 for votes, it didn't pass VFH. I'm asking all those who voted no for suggestions for improving the article. I know you said it could be funnier. If you'd like to post specific suggestions on Talk:Discordianism, that would be great. Thanks! Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  23:07, May 10, 2010 (UTC)

AIDS![edit]

Is not a laughing matter. Shame on You. In other news you said you were a gamer? What kinda games? Bassically if you have Xbox live and Left 4 Dead 2 I'm looking for a fourth person to get an achevo with. But other games are cool too. Also you ever heard of Pansy Division? They're crap, but gay so better than any band that has ever existed. Also you wanna have sex, I mean I can't afford to come to you but you're probably rich so just set a date really. Hope I'm not being too forward here. :/    Orian57    Talk   Union pink.jpg 01:01 11 May 2010

HELPME is rich, and does fly to you for sex. Our last visit was a long weekend of bubblebaths and moonlight. Al des chains 16:45 11 5 MMX
I am quite rich actually. And I don't have XBox Live, sorry. As for sex, YES.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 19:12, May 11, 2010 (UTC)

Don't cry for my, Argentina[edit]

Here's my facebook in case you need anything SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 19:44, May 12, 2010 (UTC)

For your consideration[edit]

I present to you Warm piss water. Please read it for spelling and grammar errors. Tell me if you are satisfied and will nom it or if I must continue until it is of Article of the Year quality. My best to your new lovers. Al des chains 23:19 12 5 MMX

Thank you very much, for the spelling fixes. I didn't realize I make so many mistakes in spelling. My Special ed teacher tried to tell me, over and over again, but I wouldn't listen. She was right! Thanks. Al sans chains 1:05 13 5 MMX
You put Multilit. out of order, spelling wise, so I'm not the only one! Have added more to Warm piss water today, waiting, waiting, waiting and writing. I must contemplate and decide what my next section will be there. But must rest. Sweet rest. Al sans chains 20:31 13 5 mmx

Warm piss water, to walk you through the process[edit]

Notice the simple directions below. So easy to follow

Nominate an article[edit]

You (yes, you!) can nominate an article for featuring. To do so, put its name (or article name (2nd nomination) if it's been nominated before) into the box below, press Nominate, and follow the instructions on the next page. Simple!


Self-nomination regulation: Self-nominated articles (i.e. you write an article and then decide to nominate it yourself) must receive at least one critique via Pee Review before nomination (or at least spend a week on Pee Review if you can't get anyone to look at it). Articles nominated by people other than the author can still be nominated at any time and require no review (though it is still recommended).

No, no!!![edit]

I thought our unspoken deal was that you'd nom it if you thought it was worth a feature! That was the fun of it. Please take it down if you don't, and I'll work on it some more. Your lukewarm nom indicates you don't really like it, so, off with its head until you do. Thanks. Al des chains 19:51 14 5 MMX

lol, I do like it. I just acted like I was being forced.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 19:52, May 14, 2010 (UTC)
You mean like you forced me to do that thing to you last time we met? I'm still having nightmares and wet dreams about that. In that case, thanks! Appreciated. I was just going to go back and work on it some more (would like to get more real Shakespearean language into the King Lear section). Which I'll do after researching. Thanks again. Al des chains 19:57 14 5 MMX

AIDS[edit]

It's way too bad that you have AIDS. Too bad for your dad, who now probably has it too. And for your chemistry teacher, who will have to live with AIDS as he tries to put chemicals on it (it's all he knows, man!). As well as for your younger brother, who didn't know any better when you called him into your room last week. AIDS. It's a curse. For the whole family apparantly. Al des chains 11:45 15 5 MMX

A day in Uncyclopedic history - Christian Bale has been featured![edit]

ChristianBaleAward.jpg Matfen
thanks you
for your vote!

His article could not have been featured without you...

Thank you, brotha! May your packs of fucking M&M's always be full to the brim. --Matfen 12:32, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the review[edit]

Thank you for doing the long and in-depth review of the James Bevel page. You are really good at these things. I will take much of what you said and work on the page, it needed a new pair of eyes on top of it (yech!). Some quick comments. It's not really random on names, all of this stuff happened (or at least the non-made up stuff). The canoe is to show Bevel's mindset, how many people do you know who want to be buried in a wooden canoe to just melt into the soil along with the canoe? Pretty cool, I think. The children of Birmingham were actual children, not a methaphor (well, high school kids anyway). High school kids ended the bulk of segregation in the U.S. with that movement. It's as if you and your high school, and a couple of other high schools in your town, decided to end the deforestation of the U.S., and then went out and did it. Very similar. And this guy Bevel put that together, and then went out and got the right to vote and open housing too. Again, pretty cool. The incest stuff is heavy on the front end, and I'll tie it into the ending again, thanks. The photos look very crowded on a big screen, so I had to move one to the left. The dog sitting, yeah, I'll find a photo of a dog sitting in a resturant, just give me a few years! (seriously, at a glance you can't tell where the dog is, because it's mostly tile floor, and could be a resturant entrance, no?) The title of the Selma section is actually pretty good, if I may brag and pat myself on the shoulder. Batons did injure many in Selma, and the tie-in is to the name of the Dr. Strangelove movie released right around the same time. This is getting really long, like some of my paragraphs on the page (good catch). Thanks very much again, and I'll work on the thing this weekend. Al des chains 14:15 5 MMX

I knew there was something I didn't understand. Well, then you have a different problem: how can you make this seem less random to clueless people?--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) 14:29, May 15, 2010 (UTC)

Spider[edit]

Legs! Furry legs! So many eyes! Hi. You must be psychic or read Fredd's page, he hasn't started to edit yet but it will be fun when he does. That was a nice thing you did on the reviewer of the month. I was waiting to vote until the end, in hopes of tying it up so you both won, but next month you either should have it or you will be forgotten and thrown aside like a $50 hooker. On that point, I recently learned you live in Vegas. True? Aye, the stories! Al des chains 20:59 18 5 MMX

No, I live in Virginia. About ROTM: No, I'll vote against myself until I feel I deserve it, which is not this month. I really don't want to win yet. The reason I nommed Bf11 last month is because his reviews have the best quality of any I've ever seen, so he doesn't need a huge amount of them. The ROTM winner with the least amount of reviews is somewhere in the mid-to-high teens. Twelve is just too low. Next month I'll probably have at least 15, which I think is enough. Finally, I read Fredd's talk page and thought that...heh, oops.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 09:03, May 18 2010 UTC
Oh shit, Pag lives in Vegas. I actually mix you two up sometimes because of your back and forth with each other. In fact I meant to nom him for Uncy of the month and nommed you instead. Stupid stupid stupid. Oh well. Yeah, that's classy of you at ROTM, but I know you mean it and that's what's classy. Too bad we will all forget you there for a few months or a year or so. And I just saw Fredd is editing on Spider, just so he doesn't get bit when he picks up a piece of rotted wood. Al des chains 21:13 18 5 MMX
Doesn't matter, I'll be promoted to attending urologist if I miss out that long anyway. :)

User:PortuguseOttersTryRadios[edit]

Actually, I resent the remark that it was an obvious sock of POTR. User:POTR is an obvious sock of mine, which has since gone the way of the dodo. And remember, puppies chew socks. PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Wednesday, 06:55, May 19 2010 UTC

Portugese otters chew socks too you know.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Wednesday, 10:18, May 19 2010 UTC

Voidism[edit]

Hi there! Ahhh.. HELPME! Al-in-chains said you had some edits for Voidism. If you didn't already make them, please tell me what to do. Much appreciated. Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/7/7a/Agnideva-small.jpg http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/02/AGT-logo-small.jpg 09:14, May 19

Spider[edit]

Geese! Shoot down the geese! HELPME shoot down the geese! Fredd and I have been knee-deep in spiders, and both the spiders and the users would appreciate if you could take a glance at the page and let us know what more may be needed for your approval. It was weird to fall into this page, but I guess that's what webs are for. Just a bag of fluid 16:49 19 5 MMX

p.s. I'd told Funnybony that you had a comment on the VFH nom for Voidism, and that it would be valuable to ask for your advise, probably not in so many words.

Sandstorm[edit]

Thank you very much for helping make it a feature with your very good unofficial pee review. I've been waiting for you to update my stuff, perfectly acceptable when you have had such a big hand in the success of the page. As you did in driving me to work on Warm piss water!!! Al sans chains 1:55 20 5 MMX

Thanks, that actually was far from my best work :) And regarding voidism, nah, I'm kinda lazy and it would require work. I could review it, because it's still there, right? Well, if it fails VFH, call me. I just might not have time until this weekend.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Thursday, 02:23, May 20 2010 UTC
If you have a minute could you glance at Spider and tell me if it needs more, and maybe a direction of more? I don't feel good about working on a feature now if it doesn't satisfy your refined tastes and good eye, esp. if you have a no vote on it because it's not there yet. Thanks. Al sans chains 2:27 20 5 MMX
After Fredd's edits, I have one problem: a bunch is in a list form. I HATE LISTS GRRRRRRR!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Thursday, 02:31, May 20 2010 UTC

I moved one section out of list format. The section on types of webs was mine, and it seems to work best with longish graphs in semi-list form. The only other list left is bite symptoms, which may actualy be best listed this way imnho. I'm not totally happy with that section though, as some of the symptoms seem fairly stupid (most of it is left over from the renments of the page). I'll go trim that list. Anywho. 'Al des chains 2:47 20 5 MMX

Thanks for that; I'm at least abstaining now, but withholding a for at the moment. Amazing how you turn something I would have put a rewrite tag on into a good candidate for feature in a day or two. You're magic, sir.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Thursday, 02:50, May 20 2010 UTC
Thank you, but it's not me. And what just happened the past few minutes was you pointing the way. So if there is magic around, it's because this is a historical day on Uncy. Al des chains 2:53 20 5 MMX
Its shows possession; it's is "it is". I am mortified by the fact that you left that poor apostrophe out! It was all alone, and so sad!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Thursday, 02:57, May 20 2010 UTC
I know, but sometime's when I type's fast the ' get left out. Ill watch that's in the future. Al des chains 3:03 20 5 MMX
As a grammar Nazi, I will now exercise my official authority to send you to a grammar concentration camp for such horrible offenses. Heathen.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Thursday, 03:06, May 20 2010 UTC

A true story: In grammar and high school I flunked English a few times, both during the year and in summer session, because I couldn't diagram a sentence and never knew the "parts of speech". My brain reads out any individual word as existing in all of its total possible states. Can't label it as a noun or a verb, for example (I could not define to you what those even are, and any standard defintion makes no sense to me). So maybe some of the spelling and grammar errors I make comes from my school experience as well as this mindwarp. So I do appreciate when you call me on my spelling and grammar errors. Al sans chains 3:17 20 5 MMX

And since I told you that, to balance it out and for "the rest of the story", my reading speed and comprehension was always read-out as being in the 98-99 percentile. Granted, a weird mix, and if it explains my grammar lapses to you, then all is well. Al 4:48 20 5 MMX

Warm piss in the sand[edit]

Thank you for voting, for reviewing, for kickin' me to do it, and or your part in the featuring of both Sandstorm and Warm piss water. Very appreciated. Pissing in my beer in fact! Al san's chains 15:43 21 5 MMX

Please[edit]

Get a facebook account. I really wanna see all your chick friends, I KNOW YOU HAVE SOME know what you look like. —Pelozurian (talk) 01:56, 22 May 2010 (UTC)

See Fredd's talk page.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 01:57, May 22 2010 UTC
Nah. —Pelozurian (talk) 01:58, 22 May 2010 (UTC)
Lazy ass. Well, it's on my user page now.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 01:59, May 22 2010 UTC
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize it was like that. :o —Pelozurian (talk) 02:37, 22 May 2010 (UTC)

Ha![edit]

That was a F#*% lot of fun!  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  22 May 2010 ~ 03:39 (UTC)

I actually did work; that template took me a good 10 minutes to get right. Especially since you edit conflicted me twice. --Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 03:46, May 22 2010 UTC
Only twice huh? I'm loosing my touch! (Also, you edit conflicted me once... does that mean I win?)  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  22 May 2010 ~ 03:55 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Spider[edit]

Do it please. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 12:03, May 22, 2010 (UTC)

OK, I will, but now I'm working on two at once, heh. It'll be ready sometime before Monday...I hope...--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 03:44, May 22 2010 UTC
And do all of mine too. Look at my user page and pee review everything not pee reviewed yet, and please have them all done by Monday, times a'wastin'. Al waiting for HELPME to pee review all my pages, by Monday 15:47 22 5 MMX
Agh! Now I know how Chief feels.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 03:55, May 22 2010 UTC
I thought you knew? Chief retired earlier today, and named you the new Chief. So no more play for you, it's only work ahead for the rest of your long and tedious life' Monday is a few minutes closer
But I'm not a judge! I'm not even old enough! Oh noooo!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 03:59, May 22 2010 UTC

Remember, soldier, Spider is your #1 priority. Get it done by the end of the day. DO YOU UNDERSTAND? SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 16:02, May 22, 2010 (UTC)

Getting ordered around by an Egyptian...who am I, Mordillo?--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 04:05, May 22 2010 UTC
That's why you should learn to assert your laziness, like me, by saying "I can't. I have tests. I'm also depressed." User:Hiatus Hernia/sig216:07, May 22, 2010
Do you feel the pressure of time? This spider does. -- Al
LOL @Hep, HH and the spider! :D SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 16:15, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
Mamoosh I swear you have nothing better to do than to edit conflict me. I was just going to post that I thought Hep's timestamp was wrong, though, but then now I noticed that it's not. Pointless, really. User:Hiatus Hernia/sig216:18, May 22, 2010
My timestamp is fine, your mom is wrong!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 04:20, May 22 2010 UTC

Nice Not Featured template[edit]

Nice one, great design. I thought I'd save it somewhere because I saw that the page you guys were playing on is up for quick huffing. Al des chains 16:30 22 5 MMX

You know, we should propose to make it the new VFD template.. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 16:33, May 22, 2010 (UTC)
Meh, that might actually be a bit misleading. I like it just for in-jokes, or whenever it's funny, not as a template that people actually care about.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 04:37, May 22 2010 UTC
Yeh, I agree with Hep. That would just put it everywhere, and some good things should stay semi-rare and this might be one of those. Al des chains 16:40 22 5 MMX
Yeah, you've convinced me SIRE FREDDMOOSHA Lord of Egypt AMUSE ME 16:51, May 22, 2010 (UTC)

"Parting is such sweet sorrow." said the Red Sea.[edit]

Black Moses.jpg Striker2117 and
Black Moses
thank you for your vote!

Without you, the
Red Sea Parting Method
could not have been featured.

--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 02:39, May 23, 2010 (UTC)

Spider review[edit]

Thanks for reviewing spiders. I've already put some of the changes in. Some of the jokes are in links ("go back to their normal life" links with 'geek' for example). And the see also contains one the funniest things, those shapes that you couldn't make out. Look again:

See them? Hee hee hee. I also expanded the religion section, and in the expansion it explains why spiders have declared war on humans. The Hindu joke was all built around saying "the Goddess Hindu" which I find very funny because it builds on ignorance of other people's religion. Yet you gave another very in-depth and perceptive review, you are damn good at these. Thank you. Al sans chains 11:47 23 5 MMX

And the blasphemy! The "some woman" is Sophia, Goddess of Uncyclopidea. Bow down before her and be humbled, and She may grant you three wishes. Al des chains 22:42 23 5 MMX
Thanks for your vote on Spiderz. It's not a feature without your vote. I guess Fredd and I get a half-point, and then the creator or main writer of the original spiderx get a half, I'll go look who that was. Spiderz. The next one I'll put up is HowTo:Reinvent the wheel. Funnybony peed all over it, and gave some good pointers. I wouldn't ask you for a full review, but if you could possibly read it and tell me if there are any major flaws that would be great. It's not a timetravel, I'll have to make it clearer and describe it more as an alternate universe. Links to that will go in. That's all I can figure needs to be explained further, although I'll tweek it the page some more (I was still tweeking Warm piss water yesterday or the day before). The spiders all appreciate your help! Tanks! Al sans chains' 19:57 25 5 mmx
Nah, I think you guys should just give the credit to yourselves. You'll look so cool that way. Also, you don't have to ask me to review every one of your articles, there are other reviewers :) (Although it flatters me that you do)--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 08:00, May 25 2010 UTC
Funnybony already reviewed it, and scored it high. I just value your insights, not a review. But you're right, I do want you to review all my pages, and am dissapointed that there are some still some left not reviewed by you. I know you have to take time to eat and sleep and for your gay activities, but all those combined don't take much time, do they? And school must be almost out for the summer. So you will have more time to review my stuff. Al des chains 20:09 25 5 MMX
Spider has an interesting history, and there's not really anyone else to award a half to. It looks like the page was built by many many users, a sentence here, a photo there, an idea from someone else. A work of many hands until Fredd and I walked all over it. DeathByBananas nommed a tapestry, not unlike strands of a web. Al des chains 20:20 25 5 MMX

The Full English[edit]

Thanks for the PEE, it was very thorough and pointed out the sorts of deficiencies that I can't spot in my own rubbish since (like most people) I tend to think everything I write is great. I've tried to change most things in line with the general recommendations. I'll stick with the British spelling of Oestrogen on the grounds that the article is meant to sound manically English, and you guys spell it wrong anyway. Muesli I think you call granola or some other outlandish foreign-ism. Kippers are herring, smoked to make them even less palatable and popular with old ladies. --Sog1970 16:05, May 25, 2010 (UTC)

Also, I think I'll leave the bacon pants as they are. I found this and the bacon bra on google images. That's what inspired this bacon-fixated rant in the first place

I think you're the person who acts on my reviews the fastest. It's already much better, and considering it was already really good, you're doing a great job. :)--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 08:01, May 25 2010 UTC

The void is calling[edit]

Much appreciated advice on Voidism.. The "pruning in some places, and some general minor fixes" are complete ++ Signed: Heidi Fleiss. Cheers--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/7/7a/Agnideva-small.jpg http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/02/AGT-logo-small.jpg 08:14, May 26

Dear Sir! You come highly recommended. I am anxious to improve the lay out of Voidism. I certainly don't want it to be ugly. And I want to please everyone. Please Help! Much appreciated.--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/7/7a/Agnideva-small.jpg http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/02/AGT-logo-small.jpg 20:31, May 26
It's just that it looks a little over-formatted in the beginning. Too many templates, images, and the color, etc. --Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Wednesday, 08:32, May 26 2010 UTC

Voidism feature[edit]

The Void is thankful. And 'thankful void' is the best kind. I'll work on that format. Thanks and Cheers!--Funnybony Icons-flag-th.png http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/7/7a/Agnideva-small.jpg http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/02/AGT-logo-small.jpg 07:01, May 27

Infinite thanks from the void.

Hey.[edit]

Just gracing you with my presence. You're welcome. Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 18:53, May 26, 2010 (UTC)

May I ask what the occasion is, or are you just here for... "that"?--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Wednesday, 07:26, May 26 2010 UTC

Re: Please keep that anon's edits[edit]

Yes, that was me. I just noticed the problem after a week or so of not caring and didn't bother to sign in. What're you wearing? -- [sire] EMC [TALK] 07:19 May 30 2010

I wanted to ask you a serious question a while ago, too. FU EMC.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Sunday, 07:20, May 30 2010 UTC
You can still ask it. Unless it's about you know what, which we agreed to never bring up again. -- [sire] EMC [TALK] 07:23 May 30 2010
Nah, I figured it out. And no, I've been trying to forget about that for years, I don't want to think about it!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Sunday, 07:25, May 30 2010 UTC

For the review.[edit]

Grazie. http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/b/b0/Icons-flag-it.png Don http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/b/b6/AAN.jpg/15px-AAN.jpghttp://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/1/15/Oberst.jpg/20px-Oberst.jpg Puttano cHeDDs http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/9/93/Jenny_Spy_Revised_Again.jpg/15px-Jenny_Spy_Revised_Again.jpg http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/f/fd/Leprechaun_army.jpg/19px-Leprechaun_army.jpg http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/5/55/TMMAN.jpeg/15px-TMMAN.jpeg http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/b/ba/Missmurder.jpeg/20px-Missmurder.jpeg http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/f/fc/SCBBQGPOS.jpg/15px-SCBBQGPOS.jpg User talk:CheddarBBQ 13:21,31May,2010

Your welcome. I mostly just did it because the request was a month old.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Monday, 09:53, May 31 2010 UTC
I know I've said this before, but it's relevant today. I'll tuck it in here in another category. Please let Fredd put his own name in the Gun section later today. It actually means things to people to edit their own milestones in (like when Sog got his 30th feature, and Modus will have his 40th at some point soon). Fredd earned it, and should add his name in himself, it's like hanging a trophy on a wall or something. Oh, and I used your name in the IP's feature nom for Gingers, heh heh. Al des chains 22:08 still wotm for two hours 31 5 mmx
Nah. Mordillo removed the GUN link in Mid-May already. It's not June. It won't kill you guys to wait a day.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Monday, 10:10, May 31 2010 UTC
? I don't know what all of that means. Are you drunk again??? Al des chains 20:13 31 5 mmx
Oh, that's not what you were asking. Well, I probably will be asleep anyway, but if I'm not, awards don't close right at the end of the month, anyway.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Monday, 10:16, May 31 2010 UTC

Hey HELPME[edit]

I know no one has cussed you out about this, but don't close the voting pages. I'm referring to, of course, ROTM. Either yell at an admin on their talk page or have me do it. Actually, all of the admins are fucking useless, so just wait till I do it. Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 06:10, June 1, 2010 (UTC)

He is correct, for the second time ever, I appreciate you doing it, but closing ROTM should be a Steel Kidney or admin action only. It just makes me feel better that people don't plan on changing the voting page. Sorry to be a bore. --ChiefjusticeDS 07:17, June 1, 2010 (UTC)
Aah, sorry. I asked Mordillo if I could close a couple of awards, and he said OK, but I guess I asked. Also, who close my talk page?--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 07:13, June 01 2010 UTC
It's fine. No one is mad. I just like having something to do and feel inadequate when someone has already done it. Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 20:26, June 1, 2010 (UTC)

As I am a lady...[edit]

Good luck on UOTM. I am liking our epic battle- and may the best woman win. Cuz you're gay, right? Love, User:Ethine/sig

Nah, because I know your secret gender. And I'll withhold it, as long you bring me fresh strawberries from your garden every day.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Wednesday, 01:29, June 02 2010 UTC

To assure you there is no cabal[edit]

Get on IRC now. Mysterious cloaked figure

Can't, I'm about to go to bed. I have school tomorrow and it's 11PM.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Wednesday, 02:57, June 02 2010 UTC

Aww, thanks![edit]

Seriously, man, thanks for sayin' that. I didn't ask some secret Uncyclopedian society for votes, because that's just not nice. It does look really suspicious, but I'm really not a jerk enough to have tried to influence the votes with some secret cabal. I really hope you or Sims win, because both of you guys really deserve it, and it seems like everyone would be much happier that way. Love, User:Ethine/sig

Nah, you deserve it just as much, or more, than me. The only thing I do that you don't that helps me at all is Reviewing, and I don't welcome like you do anyway.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 05:01, June 05 2010 UTC

I've failed you as a father[edit]

I did something you deem unpardonable. I did, well, it has to do with the a word and, oh, I just can't say it. See here. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  18:51, June 5, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, God...! How could you do such a thing, Why?? And to your own son!Pelozurian (talk) 18:53, 5 June 2010 (UTC)
I'm going to the orphanage.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Sunday, 05:14, June 06 2010 UTC

Sir?!? Excuse me sir???[edit]

7079-main.jpg Are you enjoying the flight? Can I get you anything? Fluff your pillow? Cook your taco? Adjust your seating, airflow, overhead light or oxygen? Ok then, I salute you!  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  12 Jun 2010 ~ 05:08 (UTC)

You're weird.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 05:21, June 12 2010 UTC
That's the pot calling the kettle racist.  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  12 Jun 2010 ~ 05:57 (UTC)

Review of a Review of a Review[edit]

User:HELPME, Sniff im saddened by your gay bashing of my review (was it a review about a review ? I cannot remember). Anyways, mine was a serviceable review, I am giving you a bad review of my review (where can I report you ?) - In fact its so bloody awful, I am not even going to assign it a real number. Also look at the rule 2343 Section C44 about reviewing reviews of reviewing reviewers! And let your bed buddy, boner-fide pal Sog1970 that im on to both of ya's. If you want to be so anal about everything on this just-for-fun-site, you should get on your knees and beg Jimmy "Jimbo" Wales to adopt you. As Inspector Cluseau says "Yourrrr the idiom !!"

As a gay, I think it's OK for me to gay bash. Also, not everything on this site is for fun- if you think that, you'll find yourself in a heap of trouble eventually. You have to be serious sometimes. That's a fact of life.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 05:59, June 12 2010 UTC

Money?[edit]

I saw HELPME's ad on his user page, something about sucking cocks for a dollar. I counted all my stuff, and only have 75 cents. Can someone loan me a quarter? I'll pay you back next month, when my inheritance is bound to come in. Aleister 16:22 12 6 MMX

No, you must pay the $1 in your OWN money. It's only satisfying that way.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 04:25, June 12 2010 UTC
(Just get the 50% off coupon and save yourself a quarter.)  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  12 Jun 2010 ~ 17:55 (UTC)
Now you tell me! Ya, I see it here in the "Farm animals" section of the paper. But I've got the quarter (although it took a visit to the local nursing home to rifle through the couch cushions to get it, a Roosevelt-head dime, two buffalo nickels, and five Indian-head pennies). So I'll swing by HELPME's house a little later. Can't wait. Aleister 18:23 12 6 MMX
Ha! You said swing, couch cushions my ass!  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  12 Jun 2010 ~ 20:50 (UTC)
I'm using HELPME's computer here, he and I just had an enjoyable hour. Here, prove it, HELPME. Yes, I'm here with Al, and he did bad things to me --Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) Not that bad. I don't know what HappyTimes' post means, but he seems to want couch cushions on his ass, or that his ass is similar to a couch cushion. One of the two? I must go, HELPME is starting to whimper "Help meeeee" again. Later. Aleister 22:21 12 6 MMX
We know that wasn't me because I end my sentences with a period (.).--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Saturday, 10:37, June 12 2010 UTC
I'll pay you 15 pence... if only to prove that it is a real currency. --Black Flamingo 01:32, June 13, 2010 (UTC)
Hey, your review of one of that guy's articles is really similar to mine...except mine was BIGGER! HAH! I win! L0LZ!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Sunday, 01:34, June 13 2010 UTC
The phrase "quality not quantity" springs to mind... Or is it the other way around? --Black Flamingo 02:01, June 13, 2010 (UTC)
Well, as long as the review isn't just full of opinions and has advice, I think quantity is quality. --Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Sunday, 02:03, June 13 2010 UTC

About a few articles you're QVFDing...[edit]

Hey, I noticed a lot of the articles you put on QVFD are related and linked, as in they are a game. Is it your game you're tossing, or did you think it should be QVFD'ed because of shortness? I was just curious, because maybe give the guy making a chance? I just noticed this out of the blue, so I may very easily be missing something.mrthejazz I don't know if this image is the right size, but I'm trying. (please talk to me i'm lonely.) 06:01, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

I don't think they're actually of any quality, they are definitely in the wrong namespace, and it's IP created, so we can't ask him if he's going to keep going or if it's going to be abandoned. Suggestion: Move these all to namespace and delete the original pages (with the exception of the one already in gamespace). Chuck a {{construction}} on the first page. If the tag expires, then we kill the lot of it. Want to talk to an admin about it? PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Tuesday, 06:44, Jun 15 2010 UTC
I don't. I trust Helpme's judgment. I was just curious and wondering if he noticed that it was a game. mrthejazz I don't know if this image is the right size, but I'm trying. (please talk to me i'm lonely.) 16:59, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
See, I saw others QVFD'ing that, and I saw that it wasn't funny, so I put it all on QVFD. I don't think it adds merit, anyway. But that's my opinion, so I would ask an admin about it if I were you.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 07:27, June 15 2010 UTC
I also don't trust Helpme's judgment. Especially when it comes to QVFD'ing hamsters.  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  16 Jun 2010 ~ 01:13 (UTC)

Rape![edit]

This lack of archiving was boring, so I had to. PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Tuesday, 06:44, Jun 15 2010 UTC

I archive when it tells me to. You are "he", not "it", so I will never archive. Also, I'll accept rape any time...except from Dexter.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 07:29, June 15 2010 UTC
Viking!  Happytimes are here!* http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/94/Happytimes.gif (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  16 Jun 2010 ~ 01:13 (UTC)

UN:HS[edit]

Helpmesir, I think it's a good idea for you to slow down on updating the Hall of Shame. Most people here actually enjoy doing it themselves, as it is a sort of a orgasmic catharsis. What I suggest is that you give it a few days and if the writer didn't update it by himself, go for it. ~http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f6/Jewriken.GIF 20:28, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

Kay. I'm kind of anal, so I hate seeing things not up-to-date, which is why I started. If it bothers anyone, I'll stop, even though it will be deeply painful to my (fake) OCD.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 08:30, June 15 2010 UTC
As I said, I don't think anyone is bothered, but I think people like to do this specific task by themselves, so just give them the option to do it and if they can't be bothered - in goes your anal anality. Or Something. ~http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f6/Jewriken.GIF 20:38, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
All I heard was "in goes" and "anal".--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 08:44, June 15 2010 UTC
blah blah blah blah in goes blah blah blah blah blah anal blah blah blah anus. Analitos 20:50, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
You shouldn't talk that way. You have a baby in your house.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 08:51, June 15 2010 UTC
Bah, he's asleep. Also, he needs to learn the facts of life early. ~http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f6/Jewriken.GIF 20:55, June 15, 2010 (UTC) [1]
If you end up with a three year old trying to get into your pants, it's your fault.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 08:56, June 15 2010 UTC
Hey guys. Just stopping by. So, I hear something about anal? Don't just use baby lotion. I'm selling lube. Any particular scent you'd be interested in? Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 20:57, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
Didn't you see the above section? Go away, you stalker!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 08:58, June 15 2010 UTC
Look, I'm just trying to get some money. So either TRY MY PRODUCT or fuck me. Both would be preferable. Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 21:02, June 15, 2010 (UTC)
Like I told you the fist hundred times, I'm with some other people!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Tuesday, 09:03, June 15 2010 UTC
  1. anal anyone?

Alright queen[edit]

I'm talking now!    Orian57    Talk   Union pink.jpg 17:07 17 June 2010

You're late. Also, I'm not a band!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Thursday, 05:09, June 17 2010 UTC

Pizza?[edit]

I don't know what you mean by pizza. Is that a gay term for toppings or something? Anyway, I saw you were doing a journalistic approach to Modus's 70th feature, and my 'dea was to interview Mhaille too, who is very close to his 40th and should be quoted out of context that he will kick Modus's ass in a few weeks and leave him in his dust. Don't even interview him, just make it up, that's what real journalists do. Pizza? Is that a standard gay way of saying see you later? With seasonings? Aleis'er 23:27 18 6 MMX

HELP US!!?!?[edit]

Start writing this utterly mega-good illustious superheroic FUCK with us. Requires no further experience, not to mention previous. Experience. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 20:14, June 19, 2010 (UTC)