User talk:One-eyed Jack

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Note to correspondents: I have archived the last several months' talk here.


Say, Jack, where do you find all those black-n'-white pictures of people that look all historical-like? I was looking for one for this article, but a quick google search isn't looking promising. What's your secret? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:31, Nov 19

Have a not-shitty Christmas![edit]

WinterBreakCalendar.PNG Heya, The Led Balloon here, wishing you merry Christmas, or any other holiday you feel like celebrating. Just remember what it's all really about: NO WORK, NO SCHOOL, FREE STUFF!!!
Here's to hoping your school(or work) calendar for December doesn't look too much like this...

Merry Christmas, - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:38, Dec 17

Bloody Pagans[edit]

Pagans, the Whole Lot of Yous

Premier Tom Mayfair has been a naughty boy this year, but he still deserves a kiss from under the mistletoe. His external organ is fair game.

Premier Tom Mayfair

Pee Review request[edit]

Hi Jack. Since you're one of the best Pee Reviewer's on Uncyc, would you mind reviewing Alberto Gonzales? Thanks--Æ 18:34, 30 December 2007 (UTC)

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, One-eyed Jack! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Thanks!--Æ 22:35, 31 December 2007 (UTC)


GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, One-eyed Jack! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Thank you yet again for your wonderful review on The Siege of Bordeaux. Your reviewing skills are just too good! Necropaxx (T) {~} 02:00, 1 January 2008 (UTC)

Re: A pee review[edit]

Your talents in the ways of piss are unmatched. As such, I would like very much for you to have a look at America if you wouldn't mind. Please forgive my solicitation, but I want a good review. And, as I said, for this you are unmatched.-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 21:06, 19 January 2008 (UTC)

Good sir, let me abhor myself eternally if I purport to find Uncyclopedia a substitute for real life. Deal with what you have to, and take care of everything well. Your spot will be waiting for you. Good luck-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 04:15, 24 January 2008 (UTC)

Passing Comment[edit]

Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, all the best chap. Hope any storm clouds clear and cool stuff shines upon you again. That's it. Just thought I'd mention it as I was passing this way. Anyway, tatty byes! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:45, 14 February 2008 (UTC)


I am checking in now and then, but for now the well is dry and the sweet bird singeth not. In fact, the sweet bird appears to have fallen down behind the bookcase and it has begun to smell. I am very touched by these notes of well-wishing. Thank you, really. One day I will write again. ----OEJ 23:30, 16 February 2008 (UTC)

Sorry to hear that, man. Hope things turn out on the bright side, and that the only smell is the exhaust fumes from the sweet bird's new, highly advanced civilization that it has formed behind your bookcase, where it has revealed itself to actually be a super-intelligent robot. I'm not sure where I'm going with this metaphor, but cheers! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:58, Feb 16


UUpartay.jpg Woo!
Yay, go you! Under User has decided that you are "quite a decent sort",
which is apparently one of his highest terms of praise!
This is therefore a good thing, and in accordance with this,
he's throwing a party down the manhole to celebrate. Look at him go!

You're not invited though. Don't take it personally.

You poked your head in this month, I saw. And you're a damn decent sort, hence the template. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 22:01, Mar 19

OEJ & PEEING[edit]

Are you gonna ever come back and review some articles for us? We miss you, man! The original RotM.   Le Cejak <May 03, 2008 [15:06]>

I really ought to do that. Maybe today! My mind has been crushed under the fascist boot-heel of dirty dishes piling up in the sink, but that's no reason not to spend a whole bunch of time on the Interenets. ----OEJ 15:19, 3 May 2008 (UTC)

Woot!   Le Cejak <May 03, 2008 [18:40]>


Just so you know, I moved that page you made to your real userspace. You were missing a "user:", before, and it was in your fake userspace. Now it exists. Go existence! Woo! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 16:38, May 4

Cheers for review. Help?[edit]

Thanks for revieing The Tempest for humble me. Your pointers were very helpful, though they do seem to imply that a lot of work is needed. Seen as I sweat at the thought of hard work (especially if it's me working), perhaps you could enlighten me by working with me on the Tempest?-- 17:36, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

I might could be able to do that. I have two irons in the fire right now, but neither is progressing exceptionally fast. I have to do Real Life right now; a bit later I will give The Tempest a once-over and see what happens. ----OEJ 17:39, 9 May 2008 (UTC)
Sweet, thanks. (I hadn't logged in on the first comment)--Garionepsilon 17:58, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

FUCK YEAH![edit]

Genericband.jpg FUCK YEAH!

Congratulations for voting for Washed Up 70's Rock Band! We know all of our fans out there appreciate us, and wish for us to continue making music! Also, each and everyone of you will be receiving a free copy* of our new album, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die!

*Not actually free. Or an album. You'll be lucky if you even get half a song.

Thanks for the vote - UnIdiot | GUN.png | Talk | Contribs - 19:01, May 15

Jack be nimble, Jack be Quick[edit]

Hi OEJ, thanks for the review of Bank Holiday, for all its detail (wrt. formatting) it all was done very quickly too! I've amended the errors you rightfully pointed to. Might you be able to take another look at it, perhaps not as closely as you did with your recent review, but judge as to whether the changes (post-review) improved the article or worsened it? Thanks again. --Knucmo2 18:40, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Thank you as well for you review of my Julien Dubuque article. It is still a work in progress, and the novel of a review you left should serve me well in cleaning it up (unfortunately it is kinda low on my article priority list right now). I can see why you've been voted RotM in the past. --Cheapinitreal 19:11, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

OEJ = Legend[edit]

An award for you. You can show it off, or ignore it. It's not my place to choose. But nonetheless, I consider it prestigious, largely because it has been awarded to you, which automatically affords anything prestige! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:19, May 19

Re.:Alien Fish[edit]

Still new here, can you handle that one?! I'm claiming the $0.0000001 bounty placed on it. Alien Hunter 19:59, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

I'm back on teh Interwebs[edit]

Bet you never missed me, either. ----OEJ 15:52, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

I did. Say OEJ, while you're on, I was meaning to ask you about the whole admin stuff. You never voiced your opinion one way or the other, and I'm not sure you really want that, in case the option arises. ~ 15:54, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
Uh-oh. I have the sinking feeling that, through inattention, I missed something important. What are you talking about? ----OEJ 16:32, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
VFS. ~ 17:59, 20 July 2008 (UTC)
Thanks. Very much. It would have been a waste of oppage had it occurred, so it was important for me to decline -- much as I am moved by the votes of confidence. ----OEJ 18:34, 20 July 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for Review[edit]

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, One-eyed Jack! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Thanks for your review it was very helpful, I will be working on adding a bit more eon the details front and my awful grammar. With regard to the two articles the variant of Walpurgis Night, if I do a redirect won't that mean getting rid of your work in progress? (This is not cool, I'd be a lot happier with two variants rather than bumping off somebody else’ss work in progress) With regard to the saint - that’s a little tricky, all of my articles aren't actually anything to do with the titles they have (I cannot come up with a reason why I do this) - This Walpurgis Night is about Religion and a parody of it - The reason why I wrote is is that there was some god awful religion themed articles featured a few weeks ago and I wanted to do something a little better. The fact that it is a bit soft historically is sort of intentional also I am keen not to lose sight of the religion satire here - however I will without a doubt integrate your Saint Walpurgis article more fully with that section - and tweak it so that it fits in. Once again thanks for you review, I hope you come back to do more reviews;)--Sycamore (Talk) 13:43, 23 July 2008 (UTC)

pleez see my riting[edit]

Hello, Mr. One-eye, love what you've done with the place. Anyway, I wrote this thingy here and even entered it in that fancy contest they put on, because yeah, I guess I just do wacky stuff like that. Anyway, I would very much love to receive one of your much sought after OEJ reviews sometime when you get around to it. Why do I ask you? Well, first of all, I was inspired to write it after reading I Think I'll Call It "Peach", which you also expressed a vague fondness for. Also, I have observed that you are more open to less conventional pieces on the site. In other words, Pee Review is probably not the place for it, and it's not like I'm aiming for feature with this one either. I'm not expecting you to be like "omg this is soooo deep and je ne sais quoi savoir faire gag me with a baguette" or anything. Just a few comments if you may have some to spare, sir. Either the talk page or my talk page or even this talk page is fine. Whenever you feel like it. Thanks in advance! --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 07:43, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanx u ver much, see pee review for a brief response! --S0.S0S.0S.0S0 04:54, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the Review (reprise)[edit]

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, One-eyed Jack! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Once again, OEJ, you have taken my pathetic article and given it a chance at greatness. Thank you, sir. Necropaxx (T) {~} 00:53, Sep 9


Jack --

I appreciated the snappy outro on the Dio book. Just what it needed!

Yours gratefully,

--T. (talk) 21:29, 30 September 2008 (UTC)

And it's on the FP! Nice work, Mr. Lyons! ----OEJ 02:32, 1 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote[edit]

Art-Nouveau-Metro-Chateau-dEau-Sign-Paris-France-Photographic-Print-C12897178.jpg Thanks for the vote on
Now let's go strike again!

Thanks:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 14:02, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Another template[edit]

Seeing as you obviously set such great store by these things, I take great pleasure in bestowing yet another pee-related award template on you. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 12:48, Oct 15

Yet another Golden Shower Award.[edit]

GoldenShower.jpg Rejoice, One-eyed Jack! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award
For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

Thanks for reviewing Adam and Eve. I've put a lot of what you suggested into the article. Proxima Centauri 14:31, 19 October 2008 (UTC)

What do you think of Adam and Eve now? Proxima Centauri

Yo OEJ![edit]

Wanna join my Remington Steelers wiki on Wikia? --Ryanasaurus0077 14:31, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

No. I have other more pressing interests. ----OEJ 16:16, 26 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the review![edit]

Thanks a lot for peeing my article! Can u pee my other one? (Grand Theft Auto: Bikini Bottom Stories) -Alexander the Great 03:48, 26 October 2008 (UTC)

I would not be a fair reviewer for that one, as I know nothing about Grand Theft Auto nor about Spongebob Squarepants. I'd miss most of the jokes. ----OEJ 16:14, 26 October 2008 (UTC)

Cheers for the Credit Crunch Review dude[edit]

Thanks man. I'll work on improving the bits you suggest. Some of the bits you didn't like as much were left over from the original article before I rewrote 90% of it. Also, it was supposed to be Investment Rappers the Lehman Bruvas, rather than investment rapers. Might leave the typo in though!

Cheers Mostly Zen 11:41, 26 October 2008 (UTC)

Taking a Break[edit]

I'm going to be non-participatory for awhile. I realize this is of interest only to a few people, but I thought I'd drop a note just in case someone comes prowling around my talk page. ----OEJ 14:36, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

Oy, chum![edit]

I see you're on a break for a while, but I thought I'd let you know that one of your pieces has made it into a hasty publication:

Enjoy. Or don't. --The Acceptable Thinking cap small.png Cainad Sacred Chao.png (Fnord) 21:27, 17 November 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the notification, Cainad. I'll have a look in a little bit. ----OEJ 16:33, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

And if you don't mind me being a link-plugging little twit all over your talk page, you should know that the upcoming issue will be based around the theme of "weirdness": I believe that is one of your specialties. --The Acceptable Thinking cap small.png Cainad Sacred Chao.png (Fnord) 18:08, 27 December 2008 (UTC)

Happy Hanukkah[edit]

Gimme an OY! Gimme a VEY! What does that spell? OY VEY! OY VEY! Whatta mensch, Rabbi Techno! ----OEJ 16:35, 21 December 2008 (UTC)


Festivus-card.gif Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing.
It's a Festivus miracle!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:17, Dec 21

Oddly enough...[edit]

Despite my earlier note, it is probable that I will not post anything more on Uncyc. I will be online to get copies of a few of my articles, and I will check messages at that time. So long, and thanks for all the felch. I mean fish! ----OEJ 01:28, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

What what what? I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION RIGHT NOW! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 01:36, Dec 30
Meh…it's trivia. I suppose there are a couple of things to say, though.
This has nothing to do with Drama. It has nothing to do with the oft-alleged Decline of Uncyc, the Wikia Domain Kerfluffle, any topic on the Village Dump, or conflicts with anyone else. And nothing to do with IRC. There is no Drama.
Mostly, it has become clear that what I am interested in writing is becoming less and less appropriate for Uncyc. Reviewers are grumpy about my pieces; the last article I wrote was disappeared the day after I posted it (probably by Argentinian retro-Peronista thugs, curse them -- they fly articles out over the Bahia Blanca, tie their verbs together, and push them out of helicopters, you know). Spending time writing on Uncyc is one thing; wasting time writing stuff that dies on the vine is another thing altogether.
You guys at Uncyc will experience a renaissance. Whatever slowdowns and contretemps occur will eventually be reversed; the concentration of creativity is too great to wither. I expect one of you talented bastards to turn up with a Guggenheim or Booker prize one of these days. See ya in the papers... ----OEJ 01:44, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
Who huffed one of your pages!? I find it a bit hard to believe--your stuff rarely fails to make me cackle. - T.L.B. Baloon.gif WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 02:09, Dec 31
Blushes...My mistake. For some reason it seemed to have disappeared for awhile, but now it's back. (UnNews:CIA Agents Supplying Viagra to Afghan Warlords -- the really funny thing is that according to the BBC the title is absolutely factual.) But at any rate, I'm working on a couple of short stories and vetting submissions to a friend's ezine, so I will be doing stuff with a different slant for awhile. Led, you're a long-time pillar of Uncyc -- it may amuse you to know that I had burned out on fiction several years before I found Uncyc. Writing in article format showed me a tenable way back into the game. Opened up a way forward. Which is an unexpected but very cool side effect of this marvelous place.
So keep it real, you never know what might happen. ----OEJ 03:22, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
We love you OEJ. You are always welcome back, even when we all go cybernetic in the far off future time of 2010.--<<>> 03:55, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
Whatever Brad just said, I agree. - T.L.B. Baloon.gif WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 23:21, Dec 31
Just to add to the chorus, I hope you come back soon - I've enjoyed reading many of your articles. The mainstream material of anything is always mediocre - you have produced stuff to which we all have tried to work towards. — Sir Sycamore (talk) 12:50, 10 January 2009 (UTC)

Bore da[edit]

Welsh lady.jpg Alright, boyo?
You voted for an article about me.
This means that you're entitled to a free slice of laver pizza
from Lloydios, the greatest pizzeria in all of Caernarfon.

IronLung 03:20, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

You haven't been in lately, but...[edit]

Uncake.gif Happy Fourth Unbirthday!
You have now officially been an Uncyclopedia member for four full years.
Now really... what's wrong? Is everything okay at home?

You're remembered and appreciated just the same.  :) --T. (talk) 11:39, 25 June 2009 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ[edit]

Thumbs up2.jpg

This user created I am turning Japanese, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(for more information, see award statistics)

MadMax 23:29, 30 July 2009 (UTC)


Just passing. Hope to see you around again sometime dude. MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 06:56, Oct 23

Ah, the days,Mr N. I may indeed re-activate. I'm laboring under several faux-creative projects, but I miss Uncyc so much...You guys are the cream of the cream, the creme de la brûlée, the cream of the crap. I MEAN CROP! Luv ya. In a totally non-ghey way, of course. ----OEJ 13:43, November 10, 2009 (UTC)
HeHe. Well we are still the worst mind. MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 13:52, Nov 10
OEJ! You're alive! Will you write something genius please? ~ 20:06, November 10, 2009 (UTC)

Messages for Jack[edit]

I read with interest this biography of my grate grate grate grate grand uncle. Having grown up with his picture at the end of the hallway of the ancestral home in Tehachapi, this artcile nowfills in a lot of gaps. Particularly the one between the lathe and plaster. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Seasonofthecrab (talk • contribs)

Discordian Babblings[edit]

Hey Jack, I thought I'd pop in and let you know that the Principia Discordia forums have been ablaze with writing lately. I think you'll enjoy reading some of the threads linked to from here: [1]. You're more than welcome to join in, of course. --The Acceptable Thinking cap small.png Cainad Sacred Chao.png (Fnord) 04:59, November 24, 2009 (UTC)

A Wyatt Mann[edit]

This guy knows who he is: [2]