User talk:Optimuschris

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“Compromise? Never. Not even in the face of armageddon.”

You're always sticking your nose into my life I wish you would leave me alone

Why can't you just shut your mouth and keep your mind off my life and onto your own


Why don't you leave me alone

I don't want your goddamned help

I don't recall asking you to

stick your nose in my life

Why don't you mind your own

fucking business leave my life alone

This is my life to live


Maybe I've got problems but I've also got a mind to solve them by myself

I don't want to hear your answers they don't apply so just keep them to yourself


Why don't you leave me alone

I don't want your goddamned help

I don't recall asking you to

stick your nose in my life

Why don't you mind your own

fucking business leave my life alone

This is my life to live


Take your help and shove it you don't have all of the answers I have some as well

I tell you right now if you don't stop you'll put me inside a white padded cell


Why don't you leave me alone

I don't want your goddamned help

I don't recall asking you to

stick your nose in my life

Why don't you mind your own

fucking business leave my life alone

This is my life to live


New messages up the bottom please[edit]

All right you silly sod[edit]

This stopped being funny. You are to get back here immediately and eat your dinner. Kapish?! ~http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f6/Jewriken.GIF 00:42, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Who? Woody On Fire! Wood burning.gifTalking Woody Stalking Woody 00:47, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
Heh. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN00:48, 4 Mar
Never heard of him. Woody On Fire! Wood burning.gifTalking Woody Stalking Woody 00:50, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
You're lucky. He sucks. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN00:51, 4 Mar
Who is he, OptyC? Woody On Fire! Wood burning.gifTalking Woody Stalking Woody 00:52, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
I dunno Woody, but I hear he's on first. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN00:54, 4 Mar
Who is? MrN Icons-flag-gb.png http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/4e/HalIcon.png http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/e/e1/Goldboobs_Improved.jpg 00:55, Mar 4
Yeah, I did hear that OptyC couldn't get any further than first base.... BOOM!!! Woody On Fire! Wood burning.gifTalking Woody Stalking Woody 00:56, March 4, 2010 (UTC)
Your mom was just being modest. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN00:59, 4 Mar
Speaking of which, she wanted to apologize for that itch you got. She felt really bad about that. Woody On Fire! Wood burning.gifTalking Woody Stalking Woody 01:03, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

Imperial Colonization: Creationism and Batman[edit]

IMPORTANT: If you want to make comments on any part of this message, please post your comments on my talk page. I've sent this notice out to about 40 people, and will likely never see your response if you put it on your talk page. But if you insist on doing it anyway (sigh), please at least start a new section using == Your comments == below my signature and make comments there. This message is set up as a template, so if you try to make edits in this message, it will edit it everywhere, and get me nasty notes from admins.

The seventh day of Creationism[edit]

If you haven't heard the rumour, it's true. The new and improved and absolutely perfect version of Creationism has been created. And because it was so perfect, we got it Pee Reviewed so it could be even more perfect. Post-review edits are being done, and will be completed very soon so our colonized version can replace the current Creationism.

I gave credit on The Big Board to every colonizer who worked on the article (if I somehow missed you, put a note on my talk page). I really appreciate everyone's help; I think we have a great article. If this gets featured, however, I feel that only those who made the more substantial contributions should get co-feature credit. Otherwise, someone could add two words and get 1/2 credit for writing a feature article, which doesn't seem fair. (But note that half a dozen people or more could each get 1/2 credit; that's one of the advantages of being a colonizer as aren't limited by the laws of mathematics). Any opinions on this or anything in this notice are welcome on the IC talk page. Buccaneers traditionally work by group consensus, and I'm all for sharing the blame tradition.

I'm Batman[edit]

Our current colonization is Batman. Writing on it begins now. By consensus built over the past few days, this will feature a psychiatrist talking with Bruce Wayne, a delusional Arkham Asylum mental patient who thinks he is some hero named Batman--or is he delusional? See I'M BATMAN for the guidelines for this article.

Any colonizer is welcome to edit the article! Any non-colonizer who wants to apply is welcome to do so on the Imperial Colonization page. We promise we won't throw you to the sharks. Well, probably not.

The future[edit]

We are taking nominations and votes for our next project. As per previous IC discussions, old nominations which aren't in the lead and which haven't received any recent votes will be removed. Check out the current nominations before they fade into history--but an article removed from the list can certainly be renominated. Nominate and vote on the IC page.

Go forth and colonize! Why do I need to provide this?, Uncyclopedian Priest and Buccaneer Admiral of Uncyclopedia Imperial Colonization Project IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems)  03:26, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/4e/HalIcon.png http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/c/ca/MrNCyber.JPG 00:12, Mar 6

UnSignpost 11th March 2010[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/4e/HalIcon.png http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/c/ca/MrNCyber.JPG 11:04, Mar 12

Hot dicks, I mean dogs. Hot dogs.[edit]

Are Muslims offended by tasty hot dogs? --DRStrangesig5.png Sherman.png Fingertalk.png  15:24, March 13, 2010 (UTC)
Or there's this version...--DRStrangesig5.png Sherman.png Fingertalk.png  16:28, March 13, 2010 (UTC)



One can only hope. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN15:27, 13 Mar

How can I?[edit]

How can I make that page, which I'm not done with, and is just the homepage to a game that just got under construction, funnier, according to your tastes of humor (or humour)? --Ckool5000 22:03, March 16, 2010 (UTC)

Sorry to say, I don't see much hope for that game. Games in general aren't very funny to begin with, and Chuck Norris/grues/every other meme you're using has been done to death. Have you considered doing something besides a game? UnNews is an easy place to start as well. Just pick something out of recent headlines and write your own funny news story about it. UnNews don't have to be very long, so it's a good place for a new editor to get his feet wet. In any case, good luck and have fun. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN22:09, 16 Mar
Eh, I really wasn't meaning for it to be the funniest thing in the world, but to see that notice on the homepage... I dunno, it just seemed like people expect to see a full-fledged Mojo-Jojo article on the homepage. Should I just delete the whole game? I mean, I spent a day and 4 1/2 Microsoft Word pages planning it out, but, you know, if you really think it has no hope... Or maybe I should just try out that UnNews thing... Er, wait... I think I did, but I just couldn't come up with anything... Whatever. --Ckool5000 22:14, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
Hey, this is just my opinion. If you think you can make it funny enough, then by all means keep working on it. The ICU tag gives you some time to work on it, at the end of which an admin will look at it and make a judgement call as to whether or not it can stay. In most cases, if you've put some effort into it and it's at least somewhat funny, the admin will let it be. Be warned however that we are currently putting some effort into cleaning out the games space, so it's a very real possibility that the admin will decide that it should be deleted. If that happens, don't get frustrated. Most of us have had one thing or another deleted. The trick is to not get hung up on it and move on to the next thing. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN22:19, 16 Mar
Alrighty then. So, I guess if I essentially truly flesh out the game, then the people who'll look over it will decide that I've put enough effort into it for it to stay? --Ckool5000 22:22, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
Aw, crap. You're right. Being funny was sort of #3 on my priorities list, instead of #1... --Ckool5000 22:34, March 16, 2010 (UTC)
lol. Yeah, funny trumps everything. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN22:47, 16 Mar
Well, I guess my game (other than the homepage, apparently) can be made funny, just... oh well. --Ckool5000 01:50, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
You might come up with a slight stumbling block in that Chuck Norris is a meme that has been done to death. And then beyond. And then dug up and done again. Several times. Continually. Lots. In fact, it's almost at the stage where you are making sweet, sweet love to a corpse that is well beyond sweet, sweet. But planning a game is a gigantic leap beyond what a lot of people here do. Some people start with a rough idea and then take months to finish it because they have no idea what they are really doing and just end up creating a game where you are literally wandering around all alone. In the dark. PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Wednesday, 02:44, Mar 17 2010 UTC
I should probably also clarify: the ICU tag may only be on the homepage, but it applies to the whole game. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN15:33, 17 Mar
Thanks guys... Should I just forget about it then? I mean, I don't just have a rough idea, I have EVERYTHING planned out, but, uh... If it has no chance of being funny... --Ckool5000 15:57, March 18, 2010 (UTC)
Hey, give it a shot. The worst thing that can happen is it'll get baleeted. Like I say, it's happened to most of us at one time or another. Don't get discouraged and if this don't work, try something else. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN16:02, 18 Mar
My advice would be to remove all memes from your game. That alone will improve it's chances for survival by like a thousand percent. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN16:06, 18 Mar
Oh crap. It practically revolves around inside jokes (which include memes)... I guess I'll give it a shot though... tomorrow... --Ckool5000 02:12, March 19, 2010 (UTC)

Imperial Colonization Buccaneer Admiral walking the plank![edit]

IMPORTANT: If you want to make comments on any part of this message, please post your comments on the IC talk page. I've sent this notice out to about 40 people, and will likely never see your response if you put it on your talk page. But if you insist on doing it anyway (sigh), please at least start a new section using == (Your comments) == below my signature, or click the + tab up above, and make comments there. This message is set up as a template, so if you try to make edits in this message, it will edit it everywhere, and get me nasty notes from admins.

Actually, I'm looking for a temporary assistant/permanent successor as head of Imperial Colonization. I got put in charge of IC because I kept bugging a certain admin. I'd say, "Why isn't somebody doing this with IC?" and "Why isn't somebody doing that with IC?" So that admin basically said "Why, you're somebody; go do it" (see discussion here). But as you can see, I took on the position planning to update IC, get it moving again, and see it through one colonization. Well, that happened. IC was updated and reactivated and, thanks to some great colonizers, Creationism was recreated in a spirit of cooperation, was rewritten on deadline, was Pee Reviewed and, as a bonus, was voter-chosen as a feature article within about a day of being nommed. Our current project, Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization/Batman is scheduled to be written by 20 March, and then we'll begin another. IC is moving...and I'm looking for someone to keep it moving. If interested, please post a note on the IC talk page--experienced and successful users only need apply. Ability to say "ARRRRR" like a pirate is not required, but would be nice.


Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  16:33, March 17, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)[edit]

9001(bot) Icons-flag-gb.png http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/4e/HalIcon.png http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/c/ca/MrNCyber.JPG 11:49, Mar 18

please do this[edit]

--69.242.127.203 23:52, March 18, 2010 (UTC)please undo you deletion vote for my article thank you

please do this[edit]

--69.242.127.203 23:52, March 18, 2010 (UTC)please undo you deletion vote for my article thank you

please do this[edit]

--69.242.127.203 23:52, March 18, 2010 (UTC)please undo you deletion vote for my article thank you==please do this== --69.242.127.203 23:52, March 18, 2010 (UTC)please undo you deletion vote for my article thank you==please do this== --69.242.127.203 23:52, March 18, 2010 (UTC)please undo you deletion vote for my article thank you

What the hell are you talking about? -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN23:53, 18 Mar
It was some wank about Antie eurg - And please, please, please continue to vote for this cruft. Puppy Debarked Friday, 03:12, Mar 19 2010 UTC

Game:Main Page[edit]

Do you want to do anything with this page at all, as I'd like to take over it and convert it into Portal:Uncyclopedia Games. Puppy Debarked Friday, 03:12, Mar 19 2010 UTC

Sorry - a more in theme with the way we usually run Portals type of portal. Puppy Debarked Friday, 03:13, Mar 19 2010 UTC
The main thing I'm concerned with is getting rid of the shit. Anything you can do to make it easier to find would be greatly appreciated. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN15:39, 19 Mar

Discordianism vote needed quickly and member retirement[edit]

VOTE DISCORDIAN NOW: We need your vote! On both Creationism and Batman, colonizers who participated came to a consensus on a direction for the article. But on Discordianism, there's been more discord--or at least not a consensus. So we're resorting to (sigh) democracy. Go to Uncyclopedia_talk:Imperial_Colonization/Discordianism#Article_ideas and cast your vote!

You can vote for one or two, comment on as many as you like, but vote quickly--this is an eleventh hour effort, and we will hopefully have a direction in a few hours. I'll be checking the results sometime around 03:00 UTC of 25 March 2010.

ARE YOU RETIRED?: Also note that colonizers who haven't participated in any of the last three colonizations will be moved to the retirement list. Quite frankly, I'm doing this primarily because I have to post each of these notices by hand (I don't have a bot, and sure could use one), and it takes a long time to post to the pages of people who are inactive in IC and even on Uncyclopedia. If you're put on the retirement list and want back on the active list, simply post a request on the IC talk page.

KEEP CHECKING THE IC TALK PAGE: Many important decisions and updates are made and/or described on the IC talk page that are never posted on user talk pages.

POST COMMENTS ON IC TALK. As usual, if you post them on your talk page, I'll likely never see them.


WHY'S REPLACEMENT NEED: A special added reminder that I, Why do I need to provide this? aka Why do I need to provide this?, Uncyclopedian Priest and Buccaneer Admiral of Uncyclopedia Imperial Colonization Project IC Buccaneer Admiral WHY??? (stratagems) , am only interim director of IC and need a replacement. My intention was to lead IC just long enough to get it revived, which is a major part of the reason I took the title Buccaneer Admiral instead of Admiral of the Fleet, which is the official title of the head of Imperial Colonization. I plan to abandon ship retire shortly after midnight (UTC) on Saturday, 17 April 2010. I would really like someone to work with me on the current colonization, and I will be happy to assist whoever replaces me during the transition--I do not plan to leave IC, only retire as head. If you're interested, post a note at IC Admiral of the Fleet needed.

Happy colonizations! Rabbi Why do I need to provide this?, humble goylem rabbi of the Temple of Narishkayt and rector of The University of Uncyclopedia, Whynersville Rabbi WHY??? (shmuesn)  18:08, March 24, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks[edit]

For your vote on In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, appreciated. Since three of us get credit (PF4Eva and Funnybony) I won't put up a funny thank you. Just a thanks! and a cookie or two. Al in Chains 18:29 25 3 mmx

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)[edit]

--ChiefjusticeDS 21:55, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time[edit]

PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Friday, 04:43, Apr 2 2010 UTC

VFS[edit]

SAFPAS.png For your vote in VFS

and as promised last time
You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage whilst inside those areas of Uncyclopedia under Zionist domination.
Certificate also redeemable for one (1) free bagel at your nearest grocery - simply print out and present
to the shopkeeper to claim your free bagel with the filling of your choice.

Rabbi Techno

Gay Pubs[edit]

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.[edit]

Pleb CUN KUN Dexter111344 Complain here Vote now! 19:47, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.[edit]

--ChiefjusticeDS 20:24, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Where the fuck are you?[edit]

PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Saturday, 22:59, Apr 17 2010 UTC

Vote now for Colonisation[edit]

Hello ladies, gentlemen, and other,

As you may be aware we have now reached the point where April's Colonisation, Discordianism, has been successfully moved to mainspace, and we are currently voting on our colonisation for May.

As I have been press-ganged encouraged strongly to take the reigns of IC, I'm sending this out to remind all current and previous members of IC to vote on next months colonisation. Voting is taking place here as we speak. As of 1st of May I will be announcing the page that will get our tender mercies, so I encourage you to vote - or nominate - now.

Good luck, and may the farce be with you!

PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Tuesday, 03:35, Apr 27 2010 UTC

Addendum
Discordianism has been added to VFH. Go, read, enjoy, vote. PuppyOnTheRadio sig.gif                                                  Wednesday, 09:45, Apr 28 2010 UTC

UnSignpost 1 MayFUCKING COCK[edit]

Brought to you by fucking magic. Sir SockySexy girls.jpg Mermaid with dolphin.jpg Tired Marilyn Monroe.jpg (talk) (stalk)Magnemite.gif Icons-flag-be.png GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY 09:50, 1 May 2010

Hey Faggit[edit]

I hope it's warm where you are, because we're all cold and lonely without you. Motherfucker. ~http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f6/Jewriken.GIF 22:29, May 20, 2010 (UTC)

It is shit where I am. I lost my job so understandably I haven't really had time for Uncyc. Still trying to find a suitable job and I'm working a shit line job in the meantime. Hopefully someday very soon things will return to an approximation of normal. Till then you'll just have to go on missing me. Jew-Faggit. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN22:10, 21 May
Oh man, sorry to hear that. Hope everything will turn out for the better. Till then, I'll drink one for you. You're still a faggit though. ~http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/f/f6/Jewriken.GIF 07:03, May 22, 2010 (UTC)

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