User talk:Xylitol

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Hello, Xylitol, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for nooblets:

If you read anything at all, make it the above two links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig.png) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or add the following: {{help}} to this page along with a message and someone will come along and help you if they can. Again, welcome! Icons-flag-gb.png -Kjhf!- (feeling chatty?) 17:08, 29 January 2007 (UTC)


Kudos on the cool audio, you are a god, and this is one of the reluctant kings of audio saying this. Glad you are on this site doing... stuff.

Me out...

Sir NeoZidane • CUN • talk

Thank you, NeoZidane. --Xylitol 23:14, 28 February 2007 (UTC)
Yes. You're stealing my spotlight. --General Insineratehymn 23:09, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

consider reading UnNews audios[edit]

Great voice, come to UnNews and read something for us rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 00:25, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir Zim_ulator, contemplating your fate.

Welcome to UnNews, Xylitol, and thank you for contributing some crap, or otherwise attracting my attention. For a quick introduction about how you can write a decent or better UnNews article, please take a minute read our spiffy new Style Guide.

I am your humble servant (in your dreams), and if I may be of help to you, please leave me a note on my talk page.

Good things that can happen to you

You can win awards and prizes! You can become a better writer by subjecting your articles to the scrutiny of UnNews critique machine or UnCanninator shit article detection system. You can become a thorn in the side of Journalism as a whole. You can get promotions, ribbons, and free crockery! You can write stuff your mom would be ashamed to show her friends.

What happened to my article?

If you've submitted an article, and it's disappeared, I may have mercy-moved it to your user space. This means I've probably left a message on your talk page, likely in close proximity to this very message, explaining why.

Your article may have been tagged for ICU if it has significant problems meeting our criteria, or I may have deleted it because you did not register as a user.

Finally, maybe you just pissed me off. I mean, I know I'm a Roshi, and I'm supposed to be all "Zen" about everything, but I have bad days too, you know?

UnNews Audio

If you are interested in doing an UnNews audio, check this out.

UnNews UnFunnies

At present, I create UnCartoons for UnNews all by my onesies, for better or worse. Now, I will never claim that I am a good cartoonist. Fortunately, the internet provides us a way to do all sorts of things simply and easily. I found, a great site to create cartoons with a minimum of talent.

This document is an ongoing effort by me to enhance the obfuscation coefficient of Uncyclopedia; productive changes, and criticism are welcome. Cheers! The Right and Left Reverend Major Sir rev. zim_ulator (Talk - Edits Logs) I am the dirt under your rollers. 17:38, March 28, 2010 (UTC)

Great Work[edit]

Newcookie.gif ENeGMA has awarded you a cookie!
Now go play in traffic.

I too would like to congratulate you on your excellent, excellent audio work, specifically Protect and Survive. It simply exudes talent and competence, though perhaps you should see a doctor about that. Keep up the good work. --Sir ENeGMA (talk) GUN WotM PLS 00:28, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

I second that. —Braydie 00:30, 28 February 2007 (UTC)
LOVE the audio work. LOVE EM LOVE EM ^^ RZ 06:12, 28 February 2007 (UTC)

Thanks, Guys! --Xylitol 22:06, 28 February 2007 (UTC)


Hya, loved your audios and was wondering If you have the time and the energy take a look at the article and see if you'd like to prepare an audio version of it...? ~ 09:34, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

Hey, this a good article. Go Go Gadget Microphone! Xylitol 21:22, 7 March 2007 (UTC)
About pronouncing the name - hell if I know - the whole place is made up :) ~ 22:13, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

“Porchesia....famous for its Porches made of cheese”

~ Fred, on Porchesia
Haha! That might help. Xylitol 22:22, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

BTW, if you don't mind me asking - which audio software/mike are you using? Your recordings have great sound quality...~ 22:24, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

I use a Samson USB multi-pattern condenser microphone with Sony Sound Forge 8.0. ...and my pop filter is a pair of pantyhose wrapped around a coat hanger. Xylitol 22:32, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

Unchainsawed Melody[edit]

Thanks for audiofying my article. I just need to figure out how to get my headphones working as a cheap crappy microphone, and then I can be half as good as you :)

Can you really do that with headphones? Whoa, good luck. Xylitol 21:35, 7 March 2007 (UTC)


You're stealing my spotlight. Stop doing that. --General Insineratehymn 23:22, 7 March 2007 (UTC)

I am such a whore. Xylitol 01:02, 8 March 2007 (UTC)

Wow and stuff[edit]

Great work, really impressive audio... I guess you are going to have a lot of these, but can I put in a request? I have a section in UnBooks:Choose Your Own Adventure that is just crying out for a soundtrack... no words, just the sounds - or an approximation of the soundtrack for the first paragraph here. Are you interested? Thanks -- sannse esnnas 22:25, 9 March 2007 (UTC)

Sorry, but something has come up I'm going to have to lay low for a while. Bit of a personal thing, I'm afraid. Xylitol 13:05, 10 March 2007 (UTC)


The-golden-chainsaw.jpg Welcome to the Chaingang from El Zoof! Now go cut your head off - safely!
Thanks for voting for HowTo:Cut Your Own Head Off With a Chainsaw

And an extra big thanks to you for the audio, which pushed it well and truly over the line. Bravo, sir!

--El Zoof 10:18, 10 March 2007 (UTC)

Wa-hey! Free Food![edit]

Bagels.jpg Shalom!
Yum! You've received a basket of delicious fresh bagels from RabbiTechno!

מזל טוב

RabbiTechno 11:26, 29 March 2007 (UTC)


Can I please have your permission to sample your Chainsaw_Suicide mp3? Kudos to your work :) --Squidmate 18:54, 26 November 2008 (UTC)

I'm afraid our friend here hasn't been active for a long time. ~ 19:17, 26 November 2008 (UTC)