Vaccination [n] A Sophisticated form of giving your childern autism.
I'm getting vaccinated?
I'm getting vaccinated???
I'M GETTING VACCINATED?!?!?!?!?!?!
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GETTING VACCINATED!!!
Me? Get vaccinated? They can't allow that! They're gonna put a...a needle in and everything! Is it going to hurt? Please, tell me, is it going to hurt?
I NEED TO KNOW IF IT'S GOING TO HURT!!!
It's not going to hurt?
That's a lie isn't it! It's going to hurt isn't it! Then I'll be in pain! I can't believe it's going to hurt! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
- What if the needle isn't sterilised properly and I get blood poisoning and I die?!
- What if the mild form of the disease mutates into a superbug and I die?!
- What if the needle comes out of the holder when it comes out, so I have to have the injection again and I have a double dose of the mild form of the disease and so that counts as a normal form and so the disease gets me and I die?!
- What if I faint and never wake up so I die?!
- What if the needle goes right into the muscle of my arm and my arm gets paralysed and I can't feed myself and I die?!
- What if the doctor who vaccinates me is blind and they inject my eye, and then my head, and then my bum, and then eventually they put the needle through my chest and it goes right through my heart and I die?!
- What if the vaccination has an allergic reaction with the yakult I had this morning and I die?!
- What if the needle is really big and it causes so much blood loss that I die?!
- What if they've got the vaccination mixtures wrong and I get injected with cyanide and I die?!
- What if, no matter how much I've washed it, a bit of dirt in my arm gets onto the wound and I get blood poisoning and I die?!
- What if the needle hurts so much that the pain is too much and I die?!
- What if they've used the needle before and I get AIDS and I die?
- What if im Ginger?!
Oh no, it's my turn now...it's my turn to have a fuckin' needle get fuckin' stuck into my arm...I can't take it...lots of blood is going to come out, I can see it now it's all gonna come out and I can't stand the sight of blood so I'm gonna faint and then the doctor will slip because I'll fall off my chair and then it'll be worse and there'll be a massive wound that's exposed to the air and all the nasty bugs'll get in and I'll die. I'll die, I just know I'm gonna die...
Now I'm sitting on the chair, the doctor's smiling at me stupidly, why's he smiling at me, it's not like-no...wait...
HE'S SMILING BECAUSE HE'S A SICK AND TWISTED SERIAL KILLER WHO'S GONNA MAKE THIS GO WRONG ON PURPOSE!!!
I can't believe I'm doing this! I don't want to be vaccinated against polio! It's not that bad a disease anyway. Not like you have to do any work or anything, everything's done for you, a machine even breathes for you! I could quite enjoy life in an iron lung...a nice mirror to look at yourself in, 24 hour care...erm...err...look! She's happy!
THE DOCTOR'S GOT THE NEEDLE OUT!!!!!!!!! This is an injustice! It's a mass genocide conspiracy by the government! Where are my rights? Is this legal-
that wasn't so bad.
Later that day, the author of this article died of tetanus. Which just goes to show that vaccines are evil, and needles are really contaminated.
I'm sure you'll agree with me when I cite that age old saying:
"When you've eaten a second acorn, it just won't feel like the first one."
You know what I mean? Exactly.