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Pee-values are the criterion of truth for a scientific theory. The pee-value is determined by a pissing contest between scientists advocating competing theories. The scientist who pees highest is right, gets published, and if he has truly impressive bladder power, a Nobel Prize. The pee-value is then recorded so that future generations of scientists can continue to test the theory.

Female scientists have a PMS-value index instead.


In the old days back before science became cool scientific theories were formed on the basis of the LSD technique. Ancient scientists would ingest a vast amount of hallucinogens and then form scientific theories. The theories received an LSD value based on the amount of LSD ingested by the researcher. The idea was that the scientists who ingested the most LSD had the strongest brain and that his theory was therefore correct. This technique led to strange and foolish ideas like the heart being a pump for blood or that whales are mammals and not fish. Despite this it was in favour for hundreds of years because scientists at that time were all male and men are by nature stubborn. Eventually women were able to convince the scientists that confidence was a good thing and that this should be the basis of scientific theory testing.

Confidence Interval[edit]

The confidence interval is often a favourite amongst female scientists because women like confidence. Unfortunately for the women the male scientists were socially inept and completely misinterpreted the statement "I love a confident man" and decided to form the confidence interval. The confidence interval originated in the middle ages. At this time the Pope was the emperor of Earth and owned his own death star. Unfortunately the death star exploded due to a design flaw when jihadists fighting for the force shot the exhaust port. The pope blamed the scientists for the flaw in his ship and thereafter hated all scientists. Scientists who proposed new theories were threatened with being burnt at the stake unless they rescinded their theories. The confidence interval was the length of time between this threat being made and the rescinding of the theory. Only scientists who were very confident in their beliefs would have a high confidence interval. Pussy scientists had a confidence interval of one second and peed their pants. Brave scientists had a confidence interval of "burnt to death" and peed only to show their contempt for fire.

Modern Day[edit]

Unfortunately this theory led to the idea that the Earth rotates around the sun when both Gallileo and Copernicus both proved to have massive confidence intervals despite the notable mental handicap of being mammals. The Pee-value became popular in the 19th century thanks to Freud who observed that anything that is longer than it is wide must be cool. This idea was very popular amongst male scientists because they had very large penises due to under use. Female scientists still preferred confidence to penis size and therefore formed the PMS-Value in order to punish the presumptious penis preoccupied prurient professors. The PMS-value is a measure of how much chocolate a female scientist can consume and still maintain her figure. Other important aspects of it are the number of male scientists the woman has successfully castrated. Debate still rages in the academic community as to whether the Pee-value or the confidence interval are the best measure of scientific validity. This is mainly due to female admiration for the brave scientists of old. Most female scientists have a crush on Gallileo or Copernicus because of their massive amounts of confidence.

It should be noted that most of the male scientists who support the pee-value actually want to date the female scientists and simply wish they had the confidence to ask. This has led the male scientists to be jealous of the men with high confidence intervals and explains the enduring popularity of the pee-value. Emperor Benedict rescinded the professor burning policy of his predecessor popes and this has led to a further decline in the popularity of the confidence interval.

The Future[edit]

Recently it has been proposed that the pee-value and the confidence interval be merged. Under this new measure a male scientist would be measured by the number of women he has asked out and his relative success on the dating scene. Proponents point out that this allows for a merging of the manliness of the pee-value while retaining the bravery aspect of the confidence interval. Some hope that in time the rift between male and female scientists might be bridged through this new measure of scientific validity.

Others declare that female scientists are all man haters who will never stop using the PMS-value. The current debate amongst the men of science is whether they are to blame for centuries of ill will between women and men or whether it is the fault of the women. The male scientists are too stupid to see the irony of them using the pee-value to settle this debate.