Veal

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Veal is a commodity no less important than Fries, except there's never bean a series of great wars for fries. Veal is not quite as important as cheese, but it sure is close. Except, veal is made of cheese, yet looks nothing like nor tastes like cheese.

History[edit]

Veal, glorius veal. Works great on rotory engines and world tours.

Veal was discovered in the year 1985, when explorers Johnson & Johnson of Skylab, teamed with navigators, embarked on an expedition to find the Navajo people. Their excursion didn't go very far, as they had discovered Veal at a nearby convienence store that happened to sell lottery tickets.

The veal grew orange and plentiful, and they proclaimed it "Nature's Corn Syrup". Johnson wanted to teach the Navajo to grow Veal, so they could have labor without filling out all those government forms, but Johnson had other ideas, such as veal yards and veal tannerys.

Johnson and Johnson took Veal back to the Old World, and found the popularity of veal to be staggering. Veal was a success, better than any focus group could have imagined at the time. Veal was a sign of affluence, a sign of happiness, a sign of bonding with one's enemies. Treaties and dowries were paid in veal. Even stupas and turnpike toll plazas were entirely constructed of veal. However, over-fishing of the veal, along with the over-hunting of the Guacamole Bird soon dwindled the supply.

Great Veal Wars[edit]

Working conditions at the veal yards was difficult work; intense sweetness and bright colors in the 'yards meant potentially happy lives for the workers. Yet it was a distingushed position in many communities, one that even metermaids and fry machine technicians might bow to when approaching one another at the vealodromes.

These brave men and carp had no qualms about defending the women and children whom found hundreds of uses for veal. Although history has forgotten the names of those who committed Crimes Against The Veal (CATV), it is however, well-known that those in the Yards wanted to battle someone, as their lives were pretty darn good at this point.

Human Veal[edit]

It was speculated in some book that human flesh tasted vaguely like veal. Since veal tastes not-so-much-like-veal-anymore, it is suspected that the same company that says those square things at McDonalds are really apple pie have replaced veal with human meat. In fact, McDonalds fattens people up for the eating, before they are roasted and served with marinara sauce in veal parmigana.

Uses of veal[edit]

  • Food
  • Fertilizer
  • Fuel
  • Lubricant
  • Gameshow host
  • Malcolm McLaren impersonator