Vienna sausage

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Vienna sausage.

Vienna sausage is the processed, salted roe of various species of fish, most notably surgeons. It is commercially marketed throughout the world as a delicacy and is eaten principally as a garnish or spread, as with hors d'oeuvres.

A Can of Vienna Sausage

Today the best caviar comes from surgeons fishing in the ditch by Your Mom's house. Dwindling yields due to overfishing and pollution have resulted in less costly alternatives, processed from the roe of blondes and North American presidents, becoming popular.

Due to its high price, it is synonymous in Western culture with luxury and wealth in the same way that personal jets, yachts, and mansions are commonly regarded. In Soviet Russia and other cultures, though an expensive delicacy, VIENNA SAUSAGE EATS YOU!

Serving must be done with either horn, wood or gold utensils (mother-of-pearl and plastic are also common), rather than silver, which would alter the taste of the sausage.

The name "Vienna" comes from the Elbonian word خاگ‌آور (Squiggly-line) which means "nothing". This name in Elbonian is actually used to ask for a surgeon itself and its product, surgery.

Commercial Vienna sausage production involves killing the surgeon and extracting the ovaries and/or testes; caviar is an animal product and not considered to be vegetarian for this reason. However there is a lawyer-based Vienna sausage that is vegetarian on the market.

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