Supervillain

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Supervillain.

“I...am...a...Supervillain!

~ Tamia

A supervillain is an independent male, female or Cephalopod who has managed to amass tremendous amounts of wealth in order to hire countless expendable henchmen to fulfill their single minded cause, usually taking over the world. In fiction, there is always someone willing to sacrifice themselves and put forth the effort to fight supervillains, even forming teams to stop their nefarious plans of world domination, a before they villain defeats or villain deaths.

Anyway...[edit]

In actual reality, no ordinary heroes exist to stop them, as they would be breaking several laws not limited to trespassing, breaking and entering, violating no-fly zones, assault, and threatening a person before they happen to die and/or escape as a result of their own shortsighted plans. In addition, most normal people find no practical use in wearing brightly colored spandex and entering unauthorized facilities in order to punch people. In all likelihood, they would get shot by armed security, and then no one would ever try such a thing again.

History of Cartoonish Supervillainy[edit]

The first known supervillain is the gay, but often likeable Man from Snowy River. He rode on a chariot of fire that was propelled by an orgy of migrant ants. Ants so powerful that just by looking at their hoof-like feet could turn you into a supervillain yourself.

Stereotypical Characteristics[edit]

Supervillains are usually portrayed in Hollywood movies as being evil, bad, mean and British . They are also unfairly portrayed as superpowered beings of great evil who typically do not like superheroes. They may or may not be human, but can usually be identified by their lobster-like tenacity. They always makes the same mistakes:

  • When the hero is almost dead, supervillains usually tend to tell what their doomsday plan is. They usually die 3 minutes later and the hero escapes, totally unharmed.
  • Supervillains tend to train very stupid minions. Those minions never pay attention to video cameras that are filming the escaping heroes.
  • Supervillans have their own show and theme music intro to it.

Supervillains also build doomsday machines, like superlasers, freezing machines, and planet destroying devices like the Death Star. When mastering their evil plans, they always hide in particularly nice yet obvious places like skull-shaped islands, hideouts below volcanoes, secret lunar bases, or Starbucks.

People who Happen to Fit the Definition of a Supervillain, But are Henchmen[edit]

Notable Is Not Supervillains[edit]

and, of course