Virgin
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“Ohh, virgins. Where would I be without them...”
~ Osama bin Laden on virgins (think about it, it'll come to you)
A Virgin is an inhabitant of the American state of Virginia. Virgins are noted for their refreshing innocence, youthful demeanour, and ripe cherries (botanical name: Hymen Intacticus), the latter often considered among the finest in the world. Most Virgins leave the state and emigrate south between the ages of 18 and 24. Around this exploratory phase of life, it is common for them to take on many exotic occupations and positions. Due to the simplicity of life in Virginia, a common exclamation is "it's so big!" in reference to things which aren't really.
Virgin culture is marked by an unusual lack of maturity. Many Virgins find pleasure in children's activities such as collecting action figures, obsessing over TV shows, playing dress-up, editing wikis, and living in their parents' basements; in fact, there are few other forms of entertainment in Virginia.
In Catholic theology, the Madonna is not technically a Virgin but is often thought to be like one.
When leaving the state of Virginia for the first time all inhabitants must perform a ceremony in which they pierce a hole in a drum, red ribbons pour out and the drum cries gently. Former occupants wishing to re-enter Virginia can do so following a complex surgical procedure.
Do female virgins still exist? They do, though most can be found between the ages of 0 and 2 months, although it can be found later in rare cases.
[edit] Myth or Fact?
It has been posited that Virgins are mythical creatures like ghouls, goblins and eskimos. And even virgins don't always resist temptation to do Premarital wanking. However, this is not true. Goblins are totally real. If you need proof just ask the people who have had their planes tampered with during the War. Oh wait that's gremlins (paid for by Geico)... Never mind then... are you a virgin answer if you are reading this fact
[edit] Other Uses
The word Virgin, usually used to refer to a nun or the way a lying slut refers to herself, originally comes from Virgin Coke. This is a miracle drug discovered at the dawn of time, and is said to make a young girl pure. But that's just speculation.
This theory has in later years been heavily discussed by all the leading thinkers of the world, among them Oscar Wilde who is quoted as saying, "I don't believe anything could ever make a girl pure, let alone a drink."
The drink brand was later adapted to, among other things, an airline, a music store, and olive oil.
For some bizarre reason, the word has also been used since the dawn of time as a state in which a girl is before she is corrupted by her male-kin. This however is nonsense as we all know a girl is never really wholesome, unless kept in total isolation for her entire life and her brain removed.
One of several other connotations with the word, "Virgin" is the Virgin Mary, who is regarded very highly in a religious sect, namely christianity. Again, this is nonsense because she is female and girls have cooties.
But I hear you ask: "Why?" ... and in response, I say: "You must be a woman."
