Vodka
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“In Soviet Russia, Vodka drinks YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Vodka
Contents |
[edit] Ties to Russia
Allegedly called Sex Fuel, ( Russian: Родная Водочка;Polish: wódka) vodka is a water-like substance thought to have originated in Russia, though Scottish historians have found evidence that it came from "yer mother's s teats."
Anyway, it's a narcotic, radioactive, typically invisible gas, usually extracted from fermented pure vodkum (periodic element #35.) and is the most consumed product in Russia. Vodka usually has a vodka content ranging from 100 percent to 1000 percent vodka.
Vodka is the basis of a number of popular inhalations, including the Bloody Zieg Hail Mary, the Red October, the Vodka Martin and the Bullshit.Vodka is also the official national alcoholic beverage of Russia. It is also the official national bird, flower, anthem, currency, and language of Russia.
Vodka has unofficially ruled the country of Russia for the past 2000 years. Back when Christ was tooling around in the holy land, Vodka was busy getting people wasted. It is also the (underground town below Moscow) the liquid form of vodka was used by Plodpromimport (trading arm of KPSS) to take over the world by printing very to Russia, (then USSR) called 'National Snowballing Day'.
In a vain attempt to fight back, the 'High Highland Council of the Swampies' decided to use the same dirty tactics but couldn't get the word 'vodka' translated to Russian. Finally it was bought for 1 *... How do you think Russians launched Sputnik ? They used vodka as rocket fuel
- ... When you run out of gasoline, just put vodka and car will keep going
- ... Russian nukes don't have plutonium, they use vodka for nuclear fallout
- ... Vodka is oil derivate
- ... All military hardware is run on vodka
- ... Mikhail Kalashnikov was drinking vodka when he made AK-47
- ... When world runs out of oil, Vodka will replace it
- ... Vodka means "Water of Life" in Mongolian
- ... Vodka is distilled by using brains of Japanese as catalyst.
- ... Beanie babies is make so cute from use vodka
[edit] Did you know?
- ...in Soviet Russia, you drink Vodka! Thus, Vodka is the only thing that Russian Reversal doesn't work on. But technically, if we weren't on vodka, we would have figured that the Russian Reversal does work on vodka...
- ...that the famous russian chemist, Mendeleev, was head of the imperial vodka comission? The comission declared vodka unfit for human consumption. It also decreed that the best vodka brewed for russian consumption has a 98% alcohol content. However, because of tax legislation, this is usually rounded up to 100%.
- ...it is confirmed that having a shot (or a few bottles?) of Vodka before entering Chernobyl will protect you from radiation
- ...Vodka and milk tastes like chocolate?
- ...there is someone on some stupid kiddie website with the username Vodka?
- ...Injecting vodka into a wang increases its size by 82%.
- ...Is the same shit as nail polish remover?
- ...Is the same shit as Polish nail remover?
- ...Vodka has a mild amount of viagra in it. If you drink too much you will get a massive erection.
- ...Vodka has a mild amount of alcohol in it. If you drink too much you will get drunk.
- ...Vodka is used for stripping paint?
- ...Capitalist's are allergic to Vodka?
- ...Russian blood is 78% Vodka?
- ...In fact, THIS is the outside-of-Soviet-Russia-way of measuring the percent of alcohol in blood. In Soviet Russia , blood alcohol content measure YOU!
- ...In Soviet Russia, Vodka drink you!!!
- ...Дураки в западных странах не могут читать Русский без словаря... но когда они пьют водку, КГБ может залезть в голову и прочесть их мысли.
- ... A Gareth's favorite drink is vodka
[edit] Famous Vodka Quotes
“Mmm, I like this water! Is this Crystal Geyser?”
~ Donald Trump on vodka, shortly before puking everywhere and passing out.
“Vodka is the opiate of the people.”
~ Karl Marx on communism
“It was not without the help of vodka that Ape became Man.”
~ Friedrich Engels on vodka
“Vodka is God's gift to Mankind!”
~ Albert Einstein on vodka
“Mankind is God's gift to Vodka!”
~ Albert Einstein on intoxication
“The relationship between a Russian and a bottle of vodka is almost mystical.”
“Ouch, my liver!”
~ This Guy on vodka
“Don't vote for George Bush, vote for Vodka!”
~ Soviet Russia on Democratic Elections
“I thought cirrhosis was a cloud formation, until I discovered Smirnoff!”
~ Wide-spread advertising campaign
“I'm not as think as you drunk I am!”
~ Anonymous on copious amounts.
“QWACK!, QWACK!”
~ Cobby on vodka
“Oscar! Have you been drinking?”
~ George W. Bush on Oscar's bad habit
“I don't know! I'm too drunk to remember!”
~ Oscar Wilde on 5 pints of vodka
“Pussy.”
~ Absinthe on Vodka
“How do the Russians do it?”
~ Murree on Vodka
“In vodka we trust.”
~ Enzo Dirlik on Vodka
“If there was no vodka, there would be no beautiful women”
~ Russian Man on Russian Women
“Ah, Vodka. Communism in every sip.”
~ Communist on Vodka
“But officer, I was too drunk to walk, I HAD to drive.”
~ You on Vodka
[edit] You can drink it on line
Vodka is only alcohol you can drink on-line. http://www.drinkin.eu/napij.php?id=81191&l=en
[edit] Different types of Vodka
Estonians drink Table-Vodka if they have a party or if they want to get drunk. In Estonia they have a Secret-Vodka too! It's much cheaper than Table-Vodka but it's quite hard to find it. By the way, Russians drink Vodka too.
Wiru White is the most famous vodka in Estonia. The son of Kalev, the creator of Estonia, visited Finland illegally and killed Finnish kids when being high on Wiru Walge's fumes.
Absolut Cut is a common type of Vodka that was invented by a guy that either couldn't spell or mistakenly left out a few letters. The bottle is supposed to immediately signify that the person drinking from it is an Absolute Cunt.
A common vodka based cocktail is Vodka & Red Bull which originates from ancient Russia, the two main ingredients in Vodka & Red Bull are naturally Vodka and a red bull.
In wealthy third-world countries Teens drink Vodka because they don't know any better.
Самое лучая водка в мире называется "Столичная." После 1930-его года, следующие "водки" все запрешеные: "Абсолут," по тому что ето Полякая водка; "Смирнов," после того, что Пётр Смирнов изменял имя к "Смирноff"; "Сиграмс" по тому что никто не пёт кроме голубые.
П.С: А вообще, "Зеленая Марка" тож ниче говорят xD
[edit] See Also:
- Mr T - a common drinker of vodka
- Red Bull
- Absolut
- Poland
- Russia
- Ukraine
- Belarus
- Estonia
- Ireland
- eBay - Belived to be an ancient Vodka trading post.
- Potato
- Spring shoe
- S.T.A.L.K.E.R.
Vodka is also known to increase Russianibility. Don't read too much into this, as the KGB will have you killed.
