Voidism
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“It's worthless!”
~ Alan Greenspan on the Void
“If you count to infinity then you'll know how big it is!”
~ Carl Sagan on the Void
“Boring!”
~ Winston Churchill on the Void
“It can play 18 holes and shoot a perfect 0!”
~ Tiger Woods on the Void
“It would laugh at the IRS if it had a sense of humor”
~ Bill Gates on the Void
Voidism (Sanskrit: Shunya-vaad). Denotes no-thing. Zilch. Nada.
Under the terms of the Geneva Convention, Voidism is inconceivable (see photograph of actual void). In fact, writing any words about the Void is absurd. How can anyone describe "nothing"?
Most books written about the Void are all meaningful blank pages, except the "Bardo Thodal" - The Tibetan Book of the Dead, which only the dead can study. The Void is beyond any known language (except dead Tibetan).
So if the purport of this page appears VOID then maybe you're catching on. In which case you might be ready to face the 3rd Okage, and help Naruto rescue Sasuke from the anti-void.
Contents |
[edit] Expert Descriptions of Voidism
“The Void is not an absence of everything. It is an abundance of nothing!”
~ Buddha on describing the Void
“The Void can never be polluted nor sweetened by anything besides money!”
~ Warren Buffet on describing the Void
“Black Holes are afraid of Void! But Void is not afraid of Black Holes. So Void is superior to black-holes”
~ Daily Lama on describing the glories of the Void
“From outside if you shoot a bullet into the void it will cease to exist as soon as it enters the void. So, yeah, you could say it's bullet proof!”
~ Chuck Norris on describing the Void
“Do not lead for I may not follow. Do not follow for I may not lead. Do not stand beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone!”
~ The Void on Voidism
[edit] Origin of Voidism
When the "Big Bang" took place there was also the anti-big bang which produced an area called the Void. The Void is free of birth - disease - old age - death & rebirth, and is a popular resort for people who recognize these problems. A person's desire or attempt to enter the Void is called "Voidyurism".
[edit] Types of Voidism
- All White (Honky Void)
- All Black (Nigger Void)
- All Transparent (Federal Reserve Void)
African-American Buddhists enter the Black Void. Caucasian or English-American Buddhists enter the White Void, and Asian Buddhists enter the Transparent Void. Non-Buddhists can kiss the Void's ass.
[edit] Voidism Facts
- The Void doesn't believe in YOU either! Asshole!
- The Void is only afraid of one thing, e.g., everything.
- The Void is hopeless at contact sports.
- To hear the sound of the void click http://www.0.com/void.mp0
- If the FBI and CIA and KGB "vet" the Void they'll end up with nothing.
- VOID means "word" in New York.
- If someone shows you a bucket full of transparent Void it might appear empty to you. It isn't.
- Dead silence is the Void's motto.
- Bruce Lee, Jet Li, Chuck Norris, Steven Segal and Tony Jaa BELIEVE in the void - so the Void CAN "kick ass!" Seriously!
- The Void is 100% terrorist free zone.
- The Void won't even listen to the Godfather's offer.
- The Void doesn't know that it's the subject of any philosophy.
- Late Pope John Paul said the "Void was atheism!"
- Personally, the Void couldn't-be-bothered to tell the Pope where to stick-it.
[edit] Advantages of Voidism
1. You don't have to bring home your report card, 2. No teachers, 3. No Boss, 4. Travel is effortless, 5. No work, 6. No expenses, 7. You never need a bathroom, 8. There is no Mike Tyson, 9. There are no bad guys, 10. No IRS, 11. No terrorism, 12. No old age, 13. No disease, 14. No bummers, 15. No lawns to mow, 16. No Country Music, 17. No religion, 18. No wars, 19. No death, and 20. Everything is Free. There are many other advantages to Voidism, and none of them involve sex. Read the Bardo Thodal for a longer list of the advantages of living in the void (note: to study this book you must first be dead).
[edit] MINOR Disadvantages of Voidism
1. There is no Lord Buddha, 2. There is no Lord Brahma, 3. There is no Lord Obama, 4. There is no Lord Osama, 5. There is no Lord Yo' Mama, 6. There is no "war" to bitch about, 7. Can't use our nuclear deterrent for protection, 8. Everywhere leads to nowhere, 9. There are no enemies to hate, 10. There are no Raspberries, 11. You're on your own forever, 12. NO sex! Is non-negotiable, 13. You won't be able to enjoy OJ Simpson being in jail.
[edit] MAJOR Disadvantages of Voidism
1. There is no iPhone, 2. There is no iNEWS, 3. There is no Internet, 4. There is no YouTube, 5. There is nothing to eat or drink, 6. There is no music, 7. There is no air so you can't breath, 8. You can't see anything, 9. You can't talk anything, 10. You can't hear anything, 11. You can't smell anything, 12. You can't touch anything, 13. You can't taste anything, 14. You can't fuck anything, 15. You can't steal anything, 16. You can't get stoned, 17. You'll be penniless, and 18. Alfred E. Neuman worries.
