Walnut
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| Walnut | |
|---|---|
| |
| Kingdom | Plantae |
| Phylum | Magnoliophyta |
| Class | Magnoliopsida |
| Order | Fagales (Seriously!) |
| Family | Nut |
| Genus | Nuttis |
| Species | Minimus |
| Binomial Name | Nuttis Minimus |
| Primary Armament | 1d+3, whiplash |
| Secondary Armament | 1d1+4, bonk(may berserk) |
| Power Supply | None |
| HP: | e |
| Mana Points: | 79 |
| Strength: | 0 |
| Intelligence: | 1 |
| Weight | unknown |
| Length | 12-35 ft |
| Special Attack | Cluster Attack, Choke |
| Conservation Status | Who cares? |
“These remind me of something.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Walnuts
The walnut is a small nut that grows on a tree that goes by the same name. The walnut originated from a sudden mutation in the DNA of the pineapple, causing the fruit to shrivel up into a nut the size of the prostate gland. It is a true nut, like the almond, the Brazil nut, and Al Gore. It is mostly grown in California, as many nuts live and thrive there, along with the fruits.
[edit] Uses
The walnut was originally used as a medium of exchange among several primitive tribes in Alabama, and is still in use today. According to the CIA, the exchange rate for the walnut to the American dollar is 1:0.00129. Today, the walnut is used as a cheap alternative to the M-203 grenade launcher, used by several countries, notably France, Madagascar, Albania, and the People's Republic of Massachusetts. Finally, it was used by Oscar Wilde to [EDITED BY MODERATOR].
[edit] Criticism
The walnut has been the source of criticism from many organizations, notably PETA, WHO, KAN, (Kooks Against Nuts) and a supercomputer by the name of Frank. Rick "Bloodlust" Sexton, the leader of People Eating Tasty Animals, expresses his opinion that the delicious taste of walnuts prevents people from enjoying the delightful tastes that meat has to offer. "How the hell can Congress stand by and watch people eat these little abominations while bald eagles, caymans, and hippies go uneaten? Animals are here for us to eat. We must enact legislation that prevents people from eating walnuts!" The World Health organization cites numerous instances of old people choking on the nuts, as they are either too stupid or too cheap to buy a nutcracker. Allen "The Regulator" Cradeau says, "We must protect old people. They happen to be 35% of the population of France, and many are too unstable to protect themselves against this menace." As a result of the WHO's attempt to ban walnuts, Germany has pending legislation that will do so. Frank declined to comment further on his dislike of walnuts.
