Walter Raleigh

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

Sir Walter Raleigh (b. Sirloin Walter Raleigh, 20 April 1552) made cameo appearances — filling in for the voices of Oscar the Grouch and Grover — for seven years, beginning in the early 70's. Some dispute the claim the Oscar the Grouch was a character on the show at this point, but Workshop scholars insist that his character was at least "in the planning stages."

Raleigh was a master farmer and marketing savant, bringing the unlikely tomacco plant to the forefront of British produce culture during the latter part of the 1970's. However, during the tumultuous years that followed, Raleigh's crop would turn against him no fewer than four times, eventually robbing him of a left eyebrow; the condition would persist for most of his adult life. He also invented a floorwax/dessert topping that found great success during the Dutch Tulip Crisis; it was less well received during the smaller Nepalese Tulip Crisis.

Famous for his crisp manners in society, Raleigh laid down tradition when he laid down his overcoat upon a mudpuddle for passing Queen Elizabeth I. This chivalrous act is said to have sparked a multi-faceted relationship that lasted for years. Another high-profile relationship of Raleigh's was with poet Edmund Spenser, whose epic Faerie Queene is often interpreted to be a semi-literal metaphor for the pairs close but rocky relationship. A volunteer in the French Huguenot army, he was notorious for sharing his rationed tobacco rations with subordinate ranks, a kindness which was recieved so gladly that the power of carginogenic plants was firmly impressed upon Raleigh.

This account is loose modern translation of the stenographer's notes from the Council of Nicea. Liberties have been taken, but it can be fairly assumed that the general historical context is accurate.