Wario the Quario
Wario's Fight With Clinical Depression
After going through many failed relationships, Wario began to feel hopeless and unloved. He started to experiment with illegal drugs and eventually became addicted to crack. During this time, relationships with his friends and family began to crumble. His video game obsession took over his life and soon all he did all day was play his microgames. He began to neglect his own personal hygiene and he became so disgusting that no one wanted to hang around with him. After seeing a psychologist, Wario was put on zoloft which had the odd side effect of making him a greedy freakin' bastard. Not able to reconcile with his loved ones, Wario moved from his old home in the Mushroom Kingdom to Diamond City, Arkansas where he began a new life and got new friends so that everything was all right and none of the other stuff that happened before mattered. He took to heavy drinking and started the Battle Of Dolphin Island
Soon Wario met a shiny Froslass named Minerva (she is the same Froslass in Robotnik's sex tape, isn't that obvious), who was working as an exotic dancer at the time. They had been dating at his new home in Diamond City. In January 16, 2008, Wario proposed to Minerva and Minerva consented, which made Wario very happy. They had gotten married in Tbillisi, Georgia, because Minerva was born there. 9 months later, they had Human/Froslass triplets, Jayce, Lepus, and Warriorette. The couple is now living happily in Diamond City and Minerva is pregnant again. By the way, Wario is still obsessed with video games, but limits his intake to one game a day to be with his family.
Wario Brand Merchandise
- Wario Mass Fat Producer Pills
- Wario Brand Cheeseburgers ("78,000 calories per burger!")
- Wario Brand Diapers ("They don't leak... Really.")
- Wario 'Where's My CHEESE?!?' Board Game
- Wario Brand Money! ("So what if you can't spend it?")
- Wario Brand Shoes ("The pointy ends attract the ladies!")
- Wario Brand Smooth Moves ("For Wario-tastic bowel movements!") (later discontinued as Captain Falcon's Show Me Ya Moves! sold better)
- Wario Brand Fertillity Drugs ("When in doubt, get pregnant!")
- Wario 'Which bitch took-a that-a pizza!?!?!?!!!' cooking set
- The Wario Way: 'How to put on 500 pounds and keep it' instruction booklet and DVD
- Wario cupcakes: more like cake.
- Wario fart pills: never wait in line again, fart all over those bastards.
- Wario Colthes: Comes in sizes from XXXXXXXXXL-XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL
^^ Wario is not a fatass he is just muscular, as seen in the Wikipedia article.
- and yes Kat and Ana are total bitches, just like Princess Peach...why Wario does not just
eat them or something does not make any sense, since we all know that he could totally pwn them...*