Washington Redskins

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Washington Redskins.

“I mean they can't even beat the Lions... eveyone can beat the Lions ”

~ Lion fans on beating the Redskins

“I can't wait 'till my team stomps that ass in the Super Bowl!”

~ Washington Redskins fans being wrong - again

“Time for Dallas to go down!”

~ Washington Redskins fans being wrong - again and again and again

The Washington Redskins, once a proud part of the National Football League, but are now nothing but a joke. They lost to the Detroit Lions, that's all you need to know.

History[edit]

They first came around as a group joined with Tecumseh but were easily defeated by William Henry Harrison who threw for 4 touchdowns and had 381 passing yards. Their arch rival is Andrew Jackson, the greatest gambler ever. Like many teams from the 1850's, this team was named after those darn Indians, who wouldn't just let us take the land God gave us in all his wisdom. This team was the only one to put them in their place with a name that called them what they were, lousy sub-human squatters. Anyway, the team had the distinction of being the only team from "the South" (as apparently reconstruction was a little behind schedule) for many years, before Dallas applied for a football team. As this was obvious to the Redskins management that having a tribe actually based in the south that also happened to not have a racist name was a bad deal for "the South's" team, they blocked the move. Dallas's ownership bought the rights to the Redskins' theme song ("Rail to the Headskins") and renamed it "Heil to der Fuhrer," in retaliation. Ever since, the teams have hated each other though Dallas always beat the Redskins for the land so those damn Indians must find another team to beat. But enough about the most bitter rivalry in the NFL, you want to know about the team.... blah blah blah.

Super Bowl Era[edit]

During what is called the worst era in the history of the nfl, a guy named Joe Gibbs was hired. He did horrible, and was named the worst coach ever. The next year, he decided to win the superbowl, cause no one else wanted to play in it. A few years later, the exact same thing happened. Finnaly, after winning a third superbowl, he was killed in a tragic accident. Everyone cheered, and the redskins got even more bad news.

Snyder Era[edit]

Ok, now for the bad news. In 1999, the Skins got a new owner. Daniel Snyder and his lover, Vinny Cerrato, broke into the orgaization. They took over everything, and killed the previous owner. They became very powerful, and unstopable. From there, the redskins fell apart, and no one could save them. They hired a guy named Jim Zorn, who looked like he made things better, but then made it worse. In 2009, they decided that somehow they would kill their coach and quarterback, so the did nothing to their offensive line. Just recently, after amazing come-from-behind wins against Detroit, Carolina, and Kansas City, Dan Snyder has rewarded his coach by giving him the day off from play-calling for the rest of the year. But since they have lost the ability to tackle (and no Pee-Wee player wants to sign as a Foreskin anywho), they have gone back to their old ways and have tried to throw spears. In 2007, a bad throw by London Fletcher not only cost the Redskins a game against Tampa Bay, but cost Sean Taylor his life. Fletcher was soon promoted to team captain for his "the-son-of-a-bitch-had-it-coming-to-him" attitude.


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