West Side Toy Story

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West Side Toy Story is the computer animated adaptation of the comedic play "Romeo and Juliet meet Frankenstein" (Frankenstein was taken out of the film for copyright reasons), written by the not so famous playwrite Billy Shakes. The film, created in 1965, was widely praised for its inovative animation and its dance numbers, leading to a ten year Hollywood trend of wild, animated, dancing Dorito commercials. This lead many people to believe that they had seen the film, when in fact they had just fallen asleep in front of the television. The idea was originally to make every character a heroin addict and wear a sombrero, but that idea was soon dropped, due to the cost of heroin... and sombreros...

This was the original idea with the expensive sombreros

Characters[edit]

The Pirhanas[edit]

The main character is Nar, an urgal with no moral values of any kind.

  • Woody Ricardo
  • Rex
  • Bo Peep
  • Wheezy the smokin' penguin

The Rockets[edit]

  • Riff Potatohead (generally just called "Mr. Potatohead")
  • Tony Lightyear
  • Slink Dawg
  • Hamm

Unimportant Characters[edit]

  • Sergeant Archie "Bunker" Krupke (little, plastic, green man who has an entire bucket of other little plastic men at his disposal... they really hurt when you step on 'em)
  • Stinky Pete (for comic relief of course)

Plot[edit]

The story opens in a little kid's room, with the wild tarentella of the Rockets, claiming the carpet for their own. The gritty urban jumping is still breathtaking to this day. In the bedroom reside the warring gangs the Pirhanas and the Rockets. The gangs are made up entirely of toys who think they're people. So at the beginning, Tony Lightyear falls in love with Woody Ricardo's sister, Jessie. Since Jessie is a Pirhana and Tony is a Rocket, their love is forbidden (because of the coodies). So later, when Woody discovers that his sister and one of the Rockets are doing the nasty, he challenges Lightyear to a duel. One of the highlights of the film is the famous "quintet scene" wherein various characters sing their anticipation of the glories of the duel. Especially inovative is Po Beep's ranchy, lusty ode to the sexual pleasure she and Woody will be having that evening; this was the first honest portrayal of lamp sexuality and sends chills up and down spines to this day. Tony, distracted by his own duet, arrives late to the crumble, but just in time to see Woody rip off Mr. Potatohead's mouth and make him, quite literally, eat himself; . Tony then rushes at Woody and just as he's about to kill him, Woody yells "There's a snake in my boot!" and then he writhes around on the floor for a while. He was released from the hospital a few days later. When questioned by the press, he also reported that someone tainted the waterhole (police are looking into the matter). Anyway, back to the story. So, Woody comes back from the toy hospital (we mustn't forget these are toys) and he and Tony Lightyear somehow become best friends... even though Woody killed Mr. Potatohead. The credits roll while Jesse is singing Randy Newman's heartbreaking "The Spaceman and the Cowboy can be Friends."

THE END...?

AWARDS[edit]

The movie won a record 205 awards at the Oscars including Best Picture, Best Sound, Best Editing, Best Boy, Best Buy, Best Performance By A Potato, Best Product Placement, Best Ripoff of a Jim Henson Production, Best Thing To Show To Your Kids To Get Them To Shut The Fuck Up and Best Movie Than Those Other Pieces of Shit.