Wheat

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Wheat is the bane of all that is good and holy. It is said to have been discovered by Sean Connery.

Give us this day our daily bread?

A plant of almost mythic stupidity, wheat is grown and harvested by wheat farms located in space. It is then processed at special aquatic wheat processing plants, where it is processed, reprocessed, processed again, and then along the way somehow magically turned into disgusting death-bread. The bread is then delivered to a market near you, where your mother will buy it and then later force feed it to you with such violence you feel you have become impotent.

Pope Benedict the XVIth believes wheat to be shiva, devourer of worlds. Rumour has it that he has successfully travelled back in time using only a rubber band and 90 kilotons of radioactive baklava in order to try and destroy this great evil.

He didn't know what the hell to do though, so after months of diddling around, he decided to get everyone to eat wheat. All of it. You know, before it eats us.

Unfortunately, just as there are people that enjoy seeing hot, sweaty elephant sex, there are people who enjoy eating wheat. Slowly, the market for wheat grew, and farmers decided wheat can't be that bad, since it was earning them a fair amount of dirty, dirty, cash.

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