Wheeling Jesuit University/People/Kevin Quirk

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Very Reverend Kevin M. Quirk

File:Quirk.jpg
KMQ, as he is sometimes known, in a rare photograph as taken by the Italian paparazzi.

Publisher WJU Saga
First appearance 2005
Created by Churchill Society, Wheeling
Statistics
Real name Kevin M. Quirk
Status Active
Affiliations Roman Catholic Church
Previous affiliations Council of Light, WJU Philosophy Department
Notable aliases KMQ
Notable relatives Unknown
Notable powers Psychic powers, including mind-control, telepathy, and telekenesis. Authority on canon law, mediƦval law, teachings of the church, and how to build your own machine gun

Very Reverend Kevin Michael Quirk, Judicial Vicar of the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston, Assistant to the Bishop, Knight of the Holy Order of Spiral Wyvern, Protector of the Faith, and Emissary to the Papacy is a diocesan Roman Catholic priest who temporarily functioned as a professor and mentor at Wheeling Jesuit University. Although Rev. Quirk is not immortal or even Jesuit, he is one the most supremely powerful forces within the Catholic Church and is unusually inclined towards the Vatican and the Papacy.

Early life[edit]

Quirk was born on 4 March 1976, in Washington D.C., where he attended Prodigy High School, a magnet school for children born with metahuman abilities. At the age of eight, Quirk displayed signs of elementary mind-control and hypnosis, and he was trained in this fashion with the intent of working for the CIA.

After graduating from Prodigy High School, Quirk attended Wheeling Jesuit University, finishing with a triple degree in theology, philosophy, and underwater basket weaving. Immortal Jesuit Emperor Fed Acker Huang, recognising Quirk's brilliance and superhuman gifts, secretly tapped him for the purposes of hiring him as a mercenary for the Society of Jesus, in the hope that he would be able to deliver a "crushing blow" to the Jesuit resist... JEWS........... +JEWWWWWWWWSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! = SUPER JEW

Later life[edit]

Call to the priesthood[edit]

During his final year at WJU, Quirk felt a calling to serve the Lord. After graduation, Quirk enrolled in the Julius II Seminary in preparation for the priesthood, after which he was, much to his chagrin, assigned to the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston. Despite numerous offers by Fed Acker Huang to join his elite corps of Jesuit Black Guards, Quirk refused every offer, claiming "chastity and obedience I can deal with. Poverty? Uh uh."

Eager to leave "The Valley" as soon as possible, he enrolled in the Innocent III School of Pontifical Driving, where he completed his doctoral thesis The Mandate to Slay Protestants: Its Development in History, Signification in the Lex Vigens, and Application in the United States. This thesis was awarded the St. Joseph's Very Smart Catholic Thesis award in 1994, which was presented to Rev. Quirk by John Paul II himself.

Wheeling Jesuit University[edit]

He returned to the Diocese of Wheeling-Charleston shortly thereafter and remained there until 2004. With the defeat of Dr. X by ITS agents, WJU was in desperate need of a philosophy professor, and Quirk decided to answer the call. He was jointly interviewed by both El Presidente and Dr. M, both of whom were anxious to see if he was joining the WJU community for the purposes of supporting either the Council of Light or the League of Evil. In actuality, Quirk was a spy for the Vatican, who had grown increasingly concerned as to the effects the Jesuit Wars were having on American Catholics.

However, Quirk became an increasingly popular professor, culminating with the creation of the Fans of KMQ Society even though he presented some controversial beliefs including the theory that pets have no afterlife, that trees are bad, and that diamonds have no value secondhand. As a result, it became increasingly difficult for him to remain as an "objective bystander," especially when observing the crimes against humanity perpetrated by Great White Mother and others. In a move that would later be harshly criticised by the Vatican, Quirk covertly joined the Council of Light during the Infinity Saga, when Lundius Superbus attempted to trap Job's soul and use it to break open Fed Acker Huang's dimensional prison.

Currently[edit]

Due to his involvement with partisan movements within Wheeling Jesuit University, the Vatican recalled Quirk from his mission, instead assigning him as a keeper for Equestrian Order of the Holy Sepulchre of Flint, Michigan. He now serves as an aide to Pope Benedict XVI, and has authored many articles on canon law, mediƦval law, the teaching office of the church, and how to build your own machine gun. He is also in the running for recognition as a Doctor of the Church for his services to the Vatican.

Powers[edit]

Very Rev. Kevin Quirk is one of the world's foremost psychics and telekenetics, able to break into and subsequently control the minds of one or hundreds of people at once. He is able to even break into the minds of Immortals. He is also able to generate telekenetic fields, allowing him to remotely control all manner of objects.

A natural mutation allows Quirk to exude pheromones that make him irresistibly attractive to all women. His invariable response to all women regarding this is, "What part of 'celibacy' don't you understand?"

In addition to his powers, he is a master of jujitsu and a foremost scholar of Roman Catholic doctrine, and owns enough firearms to run a small army of his own.

By the authority of Jesus Christ I bind you and cancel your assignments.

Hobbies[edit]

Very Rev. Quirk drinks no less than one case of Diet Coke per day.

External link[edit]