Whitey

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Character of Whitey[edit]

A character on the old Leave it to Beaver television show (1861-1865), Whitey was played by Robert Byrd, who later founded a local chapter of the Ku Klutz Klan. Originally envisioned by the authors as a foil to Beaver's do-good nature, the role was later expanded to include oppressing minority characters on the show. This did not provide for many lines for the character, as there were no minority characters on the show. By the time his character was terminated by Arnold from Happy Days, he had been relegated to telling knock knock jokes and reciting dirty limericks during Commercial Breaks, to improve morale of the cast.

After his role on Leave it to Beaver ended, Whitey went on to join Floyd from The Andy Griffith Show and Arnold from Happy Days in a made for TV movie called The Has Beens. He also co-hosted Celebrity Shark Jump with the Fonz.

His acting career now thoroughly washed up, the elderly Whitey returned to his first love-- racism. His active community spirit led him to found the Santa Barbara, West Virginia chapter of the Black Panthers, before returning to Los Angeles, where he was a key instigator of the infamous Watts Riots.

He died in 1977 after tripping over his dashiki and falling down a flight of stairs.

Pulling a "Whitey"[edit]

“Yeah I Whitied once. Who the fuck hasn't?”

~ Oscar Wilde on his psychological addiction

The process of whiteying is the result of excessive consumption of Marijuana.

Pulling a whitey is one of the most dangerous activities that can be undertaken by a human being (or a cat depending on the type of stoner you are). It results in : extreme nasuea, loss of reality, the growth of massive amounts of unsightly fur on the face and buttocks, vomiting, your "friends" poking you (see poke the whitey), and in more cases than previously thought, death.

A recent study by the [D.E.A] has shown that over 50% of whities result in permanent brain damage or facial/rectal hair.

How to avoid Whiteying[edit]

Don't smoke weed.

There is an anti-whitey serum known as cocaine which is known for it's magical qualities and the way it makes everyone like you considerably more.

To create a nice rosy skin tone, alcohol addiction is the best way. If you have a hangover you may be ill and have a greeny complection however (not to be confused with gooey snot from colds) and if you pass out cold, you may suffer a blue skin disease.

How to spot a whitey[edit]

The victim of a whitey will exhibit several features and behavior:

1) Pasty complexion

2) Fur

3) The desire for fresh air

4) Chundering like a n00bie bitch

4b) Using the term n00bie

5) The belief that the room is shaking (its not, thats you)

6) The desire to evacuate the bowels, but then it turns out you need to shit, but the toilet bowl feels so cool and refreshing, oooo i'm going to close my eyes for just a little bit and then ill wipe my ass. Oh shit why are the walls doing that?! Oh man i don't feel so good.

7) Sleepiness

8)You are called George Sanders