Featured Why? - because it's good, that's Why.
As soon as I opened my eyes that morning I knew something was amiss. The first thing I noticed was that my room didn't have as much stuff in it. In fact it was almost bare of stuff. The mattress, resting on the dirt (dirt? where was my floor?), was very lumpy and pokey. I think it was a deer skin filled with crushed leaves, sticks, and more dirt. And my expensive teak dresser from Spain, polished to a rich finish with separate drawers for my socks, underwear, and that top drawer where the important stuff lives, was now a rectangle shaped box made of twigs with a squirrel's tail hanging off its side.
This was too much. I got out of leaves and hit my head on the top of a cave. That's when I noticed that my light source wasn't my Mickey Mouse lamp, but was actually the sun itself, shining through the cave entrance about ten steps to my left. Looking around for my Mickey and my important stuff, I instead saw lots and lots of wood furniture. In fact everything was wood. There were tree branches stacked in weird configurations which I took to be a table and chair, eating utensils made entirely of twigs and bark, and other larger pieces forming clearly functional shapes on which lay, what were those, bones? There was even a wooden diety of some sort wearing a monkey shaped Halloween mask, which upon closer inspection turned out to be the dried head of a large ape with the most angry expression on its face.
And then there was a woman and two children cringing in the corner, pushing their backs up against the stone like they were afraid I was going to whallop them. I spoke to the woman, not an unattractive lass, in the King's English.
"I say, my dear, could you tell me how I got here?" She pushed herself and her brood further into the corner of the cave, this time trying to hide behind a bear-fur. "Did I have an accident? Did you find me on the side of the road?" She was still unresponsive and cringy, so I gave up and walked towards the cave entrance...
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