Why?:Am I Frozen in Carbonite?
This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
So I'm standing here, perfectly still in the carbonite that has encased me. I can't speak, I can't see, I can think though and that's what I'm forced to do in this carbonite encased prison, think. I have to wonder, what is it that caused me to be in this predicament and why the hell am I in carbonite in the first place?
Was it because I went against the empire?
No, no. I love the empire. Darth Vader is my lord and savior and I would never go against the rule of the empire. Of course there's a side of me that hates the empire and wants to see it destroyed and dismantled; maybe that side of me came out when I was out shopping or something, maybe that side shot one of the Stormtroopers on patrol and I got put in carbonite because of it. If that's the case then I must be weak when it comes to controlling that side; again, Darth Vader is my lord and savior and I would never go against the empire.
Maybe I should have asked for Darth Vader to help me control this side, I mean he's the master at everything right? I saw him use the force and I have never seen anybody use the force as much as him. It wouldn't of hurt to ask, I mean there might have been a chance for him to say no but he didn't have that chance because I am frozen in carbonite; I should have taken that chance, then I would be out there praising him as much as possible. For the ground that I stand on, for the food that he provides me and for keeping the evil things out of the empire.
Or maybe it's because I slipped
Yeah, that's it. There's no way I could have gone against the empire; I must have slipped somewhere near the machine and fallen into it and the machine did its thing. That explains everything, it explains why I'm frozen in carbonite, it doesn't explain why I haven't been released yet. Maybe the stormtroopers are taking their sweet time with this; I mean think about it, carbonite lasts forever and it's not like there's a rush to free me or anything.
Of course, this also doesn't explain why I'm so clumsy. I mean I would never slip and fall into what is obviously a carbonite freezing machine. Have I been not exercising that much? Have I really lost my touch? If so than maybe I should just retire and go to a moon; there are people who say that moons are gay, retarded places but it'd be better than being frozen in carbonite where there is obviously nothing to do!
Maybe I froze myself...
I of course work long hours and there is a point in time where I need to take a break and rest. They say that carbonite relaxes and energizes you, that it makes you a brand new man; I of course must have taken that saying to heart and frozen myself in order to rejuvenate those core essentials that I need. In that case I would be glad to stay in carbonite as long as I can, it means that I don't have to do any work and if I don't have to move a muscle than that means I have more time to myself to relax. It's just like a vacation in one of the moons of Endor or the sunny dunes of Tatooine, peaceful, serene and soothing.
But then again, if they knew I was in here, why didn't they release me? Surely they'd want one of their workers back on the job and it's been a pretty long time since anybody has checked up on me; I mean I must be a pretty important person to them right, everybody is. So why didn't they release me?
I don't know
Maybe I'm coming up with excuses; I certainly should know what I did but I don't. I think they looked at me like I knew what I did but then again, I don't know what to think; I'm in a block of carbonite dammit. I want to know why I'm frozen in carbonite, I don't want to spend my entire life wondering why I'm frozen like this. I'm not a bad guy, I'm not against the empire and I'm certainly a hard worker. Why is it that average guys like me have the bad stuff happen to them, why do I have to be in carbonite?
It seems like I'll never get my answer, I'll always keep wondering why I'm frozen in carbonite. I don't want to wonder why I'm in carbonite, I want to know exactly why I was put in carbonite. Somebody, anybody! Tell me why I'm in carbonite, please. I'm just dying for an answer.
I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life; I just want to be free and enjoy my life. Will somebody, anybody please tell me anything? Please?, Please? I'll be loyal to the empire, I'll check myself out psychologically, just let me out of this carbonite prison!