“I have never had so much fun standing in one spot for 2 hours. It almost felt like it was worth buying a $300 plastic board for it! It's not like I'm falling into another one of Nintendo's evil sale schemes. Right?”
“If I didn't know any better, I'd think the "Fit", was short for "Fitness"”
“Well this thing sadly cost an enormous amount of money and I absolutely think its rediculous, would you walk into some random store and buy a plastic board for 300 dollars??? I had to return the damn thing. All you get to do is do a bunch of yoga positions. You don't get shit back if you try to return it. I got like $100, so I just gave away 200 dollars.”
“Wii Fit? more like Wii Shit!”
Wii Fit is a game developed by Nintendo. Its original title was "Wii 'Я' Fat", but that did not bode so well with Nintendo's core audience. The game was designed to tell you that you're fat. Yes, you. You are fat. Stop reading this article and run some laps, fatty.
WARNING! WII FIT CAN KILL! IT KILLED Tim Eves! While jogging on the Wii Fit, he collapsed and died right in front of his girlfriend and best friend, Emma!
In an attempt to take advantage of worldwide obesity, Nintendo released a game that absorbs your energy and transmit it to their headquarters so that they may feast upon your energy and feed the leftovers to Satan. However, those that weigh over 350 lbs. are out of luck, because Nintendo thinks that if you are that fat then there is no hope for you, and cease to be efficient enough for their energy collection. Have you run some laps yet, Fatty McFat Fat Fatty?
You can purchase the balance board and software for between $70, USD and $474, USD. You can obtain the game disc separately by trading over 9,000 different Nintendo-licensed Pokemon trading cards. Alternatively, you can bend over and take it up the ass.
Where to buy
First, one must void their contract with Hostess Cupcakes. The next step is very complicated, and must be completed within twenty-four hours of step one. The Fit-ee must sell their soul to Nintendo. After these two steps are completed, one must walk into Mordor, and cast Microsoft and/or Sony videogaming paraphenelia into the fires of Mt. Doom. Other steps may be assigned if Nintendo either A) feels like it, or B) just doesn't like you.
== Gameplay ==This game requires 2 people. Preferably a man and a women. They strip of off their pants and have intercourse. That is why this game has been a popular release. Although 2 men can play this game, it is recommended that this doesn't doesn't happen because nintendo will sue you for not following the terms and conditions (see page 472)
Rules of Wii Fit
1. You do not talk about Nintendo 2. You do not talk about Wii Fit 3. When someone says stop, or goes limp, or trips off the board,the proper procedure to help is to laugh your ass off. 4. Only one man to a board. 5. Only one board to a Wii. 6. Women aren't allowed to use wii fit, because they obviously can not handle that much exercise and intellect. 7. Do not jump. NintendoTM isn`t responsible of broken legs. 8. If this is your first demonstration of Wii Fit, you have to play. 9. If you get addicted you must play it until Nintendo releases a new title less usefull than wii fit 10. If you feel yourself performing any strenouous physical activity, do not proceed any further. Stop immediately and, for your own safety, be sure to eat a box of twinkies.
Players have the option of viewing either a male or female striptease for them on the screen. If you are a woman, straight or lesbian, than this game is not for you so stop reading and go cook. If you are a straight man playing this game, you are no longer straight. If you are a gay man playing this than you will see a woman strip and perform until you are confused about your sexuality