William Westmoreland

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Kill - Kill - Kill
General Westmoreland declaring victory in the Dead Dick game in Vietnam.
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You men from Bravo Company have extinguished yourselves in battle!

~ Gen. Westmoreland addressing the two lone survivors of Hamburger Hill

The Gooks don’t put the same high price on life as does a Westerner. An American is worth a $1.98 but a VC is only worth a plug-nickel!

~ Gen. Westmoreland Interview in Hearts and Minds

It's not that we lost the war. The war lost us!

~ Gen. Westmoreland on losing the Vietnam war

General William Westmoreland, famous war-dead numbers racketeer, was born William Attila West on July 4th 1886 in Alaska - along with the smell of Napalm in the morning. (Note: William's birth was before Alaska became a State, so he is technically Russian). He was the only son of a butcher, Chuck West and a T-girl named Sugar-lips who was noted as a Hindu Palm reader. It was from Sugar-lips that the newly adopted William first learned about the “numbers game.” Joining the US Army at the age of 12 within one year he rose to the rank of 8 Star General by the age of 20. Later he was a national hero for winning the International Vietnam War body-count numbers racket before the US President sacked him in 1972, thus ending the "body-count" game and bringing lasting peace to Vietnam. Later in life he developed a closet try-sexual relationship with reporter Mike Wallace. At the age of 94 he died in his sleep, killed by Agent Orange Van Tinh, using a Punji Stick through the foot.

Westmoreland is most notable for being the American General who had the greatest number of innocent pre-voter teenage kids exterminated under his command than any other leader in the history of warfare.

History[edit]

War Hero[edit]

Being genocide-minded he skipped school and joined the US Army at the age of 12. And just to give you an idea what a GREAT brown-noser he was, a year later, at the age of 20 he was promoted to the Military’s highest rank of 8 Star General. Later he served his nation in combat during WWII where he was awarded the Purple Heart for scrapping his elbow in a French Glory Hole booth. If you read what 'Westy' had to say about the small unit actions in Nam, it is very revealing. I read a book about small unit actions and tactics in Vietnam. First the action was described, then an officer would describe what the man in the field did right and wrong and offer how to do it better next time. Every few battles, Westy would chime in with his take on the battle. I did not realize why I felt sick evry time I read his comments until I remembered where I had noticed his kind of thinking before. It was the same kind of mental processes on display by Hannibal Lector in Silence of the Lambs. He made me so sick I was unable to finish the book.

Presidential Name Change[edit]

After the end of WWII his name was changed by the President of the United States to 8 Star General William West-more-land, when he was assigned the task of obtaining “more land” for the West, specially America and other branches of Illuminati.

Greenland and Korean War[edit]

He was transferred to Greenland and served in the “ice demolition” corps. His mission was to destroy all the ice and turn Greenland green. Westmoreland declared "war" on the ice, but this was never formalized by Congress. Later, when he was sent to the Korean War, he bought a one-acre plot of land and claimed it for America. He named the untended plot, “Westmoreland DC” and declared victory.

TV Dead Dick “Body Count” Numbers Show[edit]

Egotistical maniac that he was, America found it expeditious to put him in charge of the paranoid “War” in Vietnam. His first act as CIC of all forces in Vietnam was to change the name from “war” to be “Dead Dick Game”, which he claimed “mellowed folks out back home,” where the nightly Game was the most popular show on TV, specially the Mai lai and Tet episodes, which played repeatedly on all channels.

“Few people have a field command as long as I did. They put me over there and they forgot about me. But I was there nine days a week, working 36 to 94 hours a day.!”

~ Gen. Westmoreland on leading the Vietnam war

Body Count was US Troops[edit]

After Country Joe got drafted he wrote a song against the Vietnam numbers game called "On the Rag” which upset Westmoreland and caused him to increase the body count. The only problem was that the bodies piling up were all Americans KIA. Nobody kept track of enemy bodies.

“Who wants to count a bunch of dead VC that are blasted to pieces? I mean, you find an arm here, and a head there, so whattya got? Two dead gooks?”

~ Gen. Westmoreland on war dead

Conducting the Numbers Game[edit]

Kill - Kill - Kill

Unsure of how to kill 300,000 draft-age North Vietnamese every year he consulted with his 2nd in command, Field Marshall William Calley, who demonstrated his technique in a Village named Mai lai. The subsequent genocide pleased Westmoreland but enraged the President who wanted VC solders killed, not unarmed children and old ladies. For his part in the baby-killing FM Calley was sentenced to three months in the gas chamber, but his case was dismissed by Westmoreland who sued the President for slander and defecation of character. Westmoreland insisted that ALL humans in Vietnam were, in fact, VC. The General contended that killing a "baby VC" was just killing them in advance. This was to ensure the equal distribution of misery wrought on the poor Vietnamese people. His defense argued that as long as even "ONE VC" remained alive the war was NOT won.

“There is no room in a soldiers' philosophy for philosophy!”

~ Westmoreland after being questioned about Napalm strike on unarmed women, children and babies in Trang Bang, Vietnam 1972
WESTY: Vietnamese Scare Crow likeness of General Westmoreland used by farmers in Vietnam.

Westyo-mania - Hatred of Teenagers[edit]

Westmoreland was diagnosed as having a deadly hatred for American teenagers, and he tried to wipe them out. "The only good teen is a dead teen!" was his belief. The condition persisted throughout his life.

“Ain't no greasy-teenager ever gonna' bring me down!”

~ Westmoreland upon visiting Los Angeles, December 1998

The medical slang for this malady was named "Westyo-mania" after Westmoreland as he was the only known case in history. Westy wanted to wipe out ALL teenagers, including girls, but Congress would only allow him to slaughter American teen boys. One of his most effective methods for extinguishing masses of teenage boys was to locate an area, 5,000 miles from America, full of heavily armed VC and then drop the kids right into the middle where they all get shot to shreds for entering Vietnam without a VISA. He would later count the dead kids and multiply by 300% = number of killed soldiers reported as enemy KIA. It is estimated that Westy was able to exterminate about 60,000 American Teenagers during his Vietnam command. He once stated that his greatest regret was that they couldn't draft 13-16 year old teens into the Army. Westmoreland is proud of his own record as he went from age 12 directly to age 20 without ever being a godforsaken teenager.

Relieved of his command[edit]

“(Gen.) Giap was trained in small-unit cock fights, but he persisted in waging a big-unit war with terrible losses to his own hens. By his own admission, by early 1969, I think, he had lost, what, a half billion chickens? He reported this. Now such a disregard for bird life may make a military genius, but it does not make a formidable adversary!”

~ Gen. Westmoreland, in a 1998 interview for George Washington Magazine, criticized his opponent North Vietnamese Gen. Nguyen Giap.

For his disobedience (by insisting on using nukes in hand-to-hand combat with Gen. Giap's birds) Westmoreland was relieved of his command and transfered OUT of Vietnam. Ironically, the same second Westy departed, the body-count game stopped in Vietnam and lasting peace ensued. Some conspiracy fanatics try to say this is more than a coincidence.

The Mike Wallace Case[edit]

Later Westmoreland was tricked by Ace Reporter Mike Wallace into admitting on the CBS special "The Uncounted Enemy: A Vietnam Deception" - that he lied about the body-count numbers which cost the USA billions in money lost by those betting on the daily body-count numbers racket. He had also lied about the bodies. When asked how many dead were enemy he replied, "I don't know! We never count the enemy dead!" He sued Wallace but quickly settled out-of-court because the charges against Westmoreland were already proven facts. Still speculation persists about a possible try-sexual relationship between Wallace and Westy. Once, when Westy was in a hospital, Wallace sent him a gift-wrapped Punji Stick.

Death[edit]

Westmoreland crossed the Ho Chi Minh Trail at the ripe old age of 94 and died, alone, in the rain, mumbling, “The Horror, the horror,” in a lame attempt to imitate Col Klutz. Cause of death was assassination by Agent Orange Van Tinh.

Westmoreland Scare Crows[edit]

His body was cremated in burning cow dung and the ashes were spread as fertilizer on the fields around Khe Sanh in Vietnam. Memorial statues of Westmoreland, made out of straw and old army fatigues, are used by Vietnamese Rice Farmers as scarecrows.

Westmoreland Trivia[edit]

Westy is the only American General who could truly be said to be insane by any common bystander.
  • Westmoreland dropped more bombs on Vietnam than all the tonnage of bombs dropped in all of WWII (including the 2 A bombs), and he still got whipped by savages using siege tactics from the Middle Ages.
  • Westy (as he was later called) had an acute Punji Stick fetish. He told an aid how he would dream of stepping on a punji stick and the thrill of it passing through his foot would give him a woodie.
  • Westmoreland used to masturbate to a picture of Gen. Giap in the nude. Like wise with a nude pic of Uncle Ho. Some historians believe it was one picture.
  • Peace isn't the absence of war - it's the absence of Westmoreland.
  • Westmoreland had a not-so-secret affair with Actress Jane Fonda when he sponsored her peace mission to inspect Anti-Aircraft guns in Hanoi.
  • Westmoreland is distinguished as the General in American Warfare with the greatest number of casualties among innocent pre-voter American teenage kids.
  • One of the highlights of Westmoreland's life was leading a large parade in Chicago in 1986 that honored the Vietnam teenage dead. He was followed by 60,000 symbolic coffins drawn by Zebras. He carried a banner saying, "WESTY'S WARRIORS". This event was recorded in THE Book of Records as the largest gathering of zebras ever in North America.
  • He received Vietnams’ “Scare-crow” Peace Award for, basically, getting the fuck OUT.
  • Westmoreland had Agent Orange distributed permanently into the Vietnam eco-system as a result of a “Tree complex” he developed in the Trenches of the Sahara Desert.
  • Westy is the only American General who could truly be said to be insane by any common bystander.
  • He once lied to the US Numbers Racket Commission when he claimed the body count was 140,000 enemy dead (out of the total of 5,000 VC declared as active) in an unexpected night raid which caught US troops by surprise. Amazingly enough not a single US casualty on that occasion.
  • Up until his death Westy was Chairman of the Dead Dick and Ear Collectors Association of Transylvania.

Westmoreland Vietnam Peace Formula[edit]

See Also[edit]