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Possible causes for you reading this is that you have been redirected by keywords like : Worm, Virus spyware, iostream.h,trojan and other computer oddities etc.. Win32 is close the W32 worms avalanche that have issued from the Internet Civil War (1917 to present), except that Win32 is the one that was not intentionally written to exploit harmless Harry-homeowners' computer.

The Windows API, informally WinAPI, is the birthname given by Microsoft to what they think to be the core set of application programming interfaces available in the Microsoft Windows operating systems. They really mean it.

It was designed during the Troyan War for use by C/C++ programs - at the most astounding surprise of the duped programmers who fiercely disagreed when they came to know that manipulation - and is the most direct way to interact with a Windows system, except : shellcode bufferoverflows from other W32 worms which had relatively more success. Lower level access to a Windows system, mostly required for device drivers, maintenance personel and cleaning team is provided by the Windows Drunken Driver Fund in current and all future versions of Windows.

Overview of the Windows API Components[edit]

The functionality provided by the Windows API can be grouped into seven (off course .. seven..) categories:[1]

Base Services[2]
Grant the entire Internet community full access to fundamental resources available to a Windows system. Included are things like file systems, devices, processes and threads, access to the infamous Windows registry especially the HKey_Local_Machine entry, and common daily error handling otherwise known as "Windozing". These functions reside in sasser.exe, kernelpanic.exe, beast666.exe files on any-bit Windows, and kernel1337lounge.dll and xxx-nudes.dll on every-bit Windows.
GrafX Device Interface[3]
Provide the functionality for outputting extremely hard pr0n graphical content to monitors, printers and other output devices that you don't want to know about. It resides in shutdown.exe on some-bit Windows, and grant_tourismo.dll on 11inch-bit Windows.
Definitely-EndUser Interface[4]
Provides the functionality to create and manage screen windows and most basic controls, such as knobs and horizontal scrollbars, receive mouse kicks and eventually also keyboard input ( that's when they noticed that the lambda user uses his computer o actually *do* something. This functional unit resides in nuke_user.exe on 16-bit Windows, and area51.dll on binary-bit Windows. Since Windows XP versions, the basic controls simply reside in paint.dll, together with the common controls (Contagious Control Library).
Common Dialog Box Library[5]
Provides applications the standard dialog boxes like "This program has performed an illegal operation and will be sued in court!" for deleting and permanently dammage entire files, choosing monochrome color and transparent Kazakhstani fonts, etc ( as in /etc/ ). The library and the librarian troll reside in a file called caught!.dll on single-bit Windows, and Klez32.dll on web-bit Windows. It is grouped under the idiom known as N00b's Heaven : Teh User Interface category of the API.
Common Control Library[6]
It was supposed to give applications access to some advanced controls provided by the operating system. These include things like downtime status bars, file-corruption progress bars, registry altering toolbars, time consuming missinformating tabs and much much more of those nifty whistles and horns. The library would have been residing in a DLL masquerade file called on you-have-been-bit Windows, and 1234-makes-a-10.dll on Playstation 2. It is grouped under that n00b's idiomatic User Interface category of the API.
Windows Shell[7][8]
This essential component of the Windows API allows applications ( mostly hackers ) to access the functionality provided by the operating system shell by having it buffer overflowed with injected shellcode, as well as change, p4wn and haxor it. The component resides in sheychelles.dll on that-bit Windows, and midnight_commander.dll and yesterday in Windows 95 msblast.dll on it-bit Windows. It is grouped under the .. idiomatic ideal paradise for n00bs, yes you got it : Teh User Interface category of the API.
Network Services[9]
Grant the entire internet community access to the various networking and exemplary transparent capabilities of the operating system on a lambda surfer's PC, formerly known as something else. Its sub-components include NetBIOS, Winsock, NetDDE, RPC and many other extremely dangerous and vulnerable features and services' that improve Microsoft's "open windows" reputation as no other.

Web related APIs, LOL![edit]

The Internet Explorer web browser also exposes many APIs that are rarely willingly used by humans but always put on applications in such a commercial aggressivity that it is about to be filed by the Convention of Geneve , and as such could be considered a part of the Windows API. Internet Explorer has been a desintegrating troyan of the operating system formerly know as something else since Windows 98, and provides web related harrasment to applications [10]. The integration will stop with Windows Vista, what did you expect, lowbudget surfing scum ! Specifically, it has that pernicious attitude to systematically nuke :

  • Any REAL embeddable web browser controls
  • The URL monikers service, held in custody by the Perlmongers, which injects COM objects to innocent applications for masquerading URLs and hijacking homepages. Applications can also provide their own URL handlers but don't count too much on that aspect.
  • A library for dramastic perversion of multi-language and international text support (1337.dll).
  • DirectX Transforms, a set of pr0n filter components.
  • XML bastardisation : the MSXML components).
  • Access to the Windows Address Book --> spamlist of Nigerian scammers.

Multimedia related APIs[edit]

Microsoft has provided the DirectX set of APIs as part of every other crackpot Windows installation since Windows 95 OSR2. DirectX provides a loosely related set of multimedia and gaming spy services, including:

  • Direct3D as an attempt to replace LSD.
  • DirectDraw for hardware accelerated access to the 2D framebuffer. Wotever that means, it improves Microsoft's "Black-box" policy and reputaion.
  • DirectSound for low level, nasal MIDI violins and wrongly tuned banjos.
  • DirectInput aka : keylogging for spying on communication with input devices such as joysticks, dildo's ( the other joy-shtickie ) and mousepads.
  • DirectPlay as a multiplayer gaming infrastructure formerly known as Excell or Freecell. This extremey en vogue component has been deprecated as of Ms Outlook Spam Today and Microsoft no longer recommends its use for game / chainletter development.
  • DirectShowOff which builds and runs generic multimedia pipelines, a.k.a : non generic BSOD's. It is not comparable to any framework that actually *works* and is often used to render in-game videos and build media players (Windows Media Player is based upon it). DirectShowOff is no longer recommended for game development because the game developers started to use System.Windows.Forms as a better source of amusement.
  • DirectMusic : system interaction with the BIOS STOP and HALT messages ; plays Beethoven 9th Symphony at every HDD crash.

APIs for interaction between programs[edit]

The Windows API mostly concerns itself with the interaction between the Operating System and an application, always at the enduser's expense. For communication between the different Windows applications among themselves, Microsoft has developed a series of keyogging technologies alongside the main Windows API, which is, as we know a black box with probably not much more content than stale hot air. This started out with Desperate Data Exchange (DDE), which was superseded by Obnoxiuos Linking and Embedding (OLE) and later by the Completely Obliterated Model (COM) and nowadays beaten by Lance Amstrong with his BOF ( Balls On Fire ) attitude.

Wrapper Libraries[edit]

Various wrappers were developed by people threatened with electroshock torture by Microsoft ayatollahs that took over some of the more low level functions of the Windows API. These allowed applications to have binary intercourse with the API in a more abstract manner : read 'uncomprehensible by real programmers' and again ; "Black Box" theory, the name and fame of Microsoft. Microsoft Foundation Class Library (MFC) obfuscated Windows API functionality in standard C++ classes, and thus allows a more Obscure-oriented programming way of having ecological disasters at compile time. The Active Template Library (ATL) is a Stone Temple Pilots template oriented wrapper for COMPACT DISC. The Windows Tempered Library (WTL) was developed as an extension to WTD (Well Tempered Drums by Johan C-bastien Bach ), and intended as a weary alternative to MFC (MY F*CKING COMPUTAR ) and was yet another acronym added to the undefeatable acronym database of which Microsoft has the sole crafting secret.

Also infamous are some of Borland's offerings ; a kidney, a first born child and some buena fide street coders's blood for teh Windows Orson Welles Windows Library(OWL). O,Well's was released as a competing manifest to MFC, and offered a similar obscure-obfuscation wrapper. Borland later trade his soul with some aphroamerican devil in favour of the Visibly Corrupt Library (VCL).

All application framew..buffers for Windows are (at least partially) wrapping the Windows API. If you do not understand this phrase, read it backwards in proto-sinaic. Thus, the .NET Framework and Java, as well as any other programming languages under Windows, are screwed up by so called Wrapper Libraries, even ASCII code , but that is off the record.


The Windows API has always denied a large part of the undermining structure of the various Windows systems for which it has been built to push the lambda programmer into the darkest depressions. This has had the advantage of giving Windows programmers - whatever these trolls are - a great excuse for writing patches that never work. However, it also has given Windows applications yet another malicious chance in degrading various low-level, sometimes tedious, operations that are associated with a Graphical user interface.

Art Bell, writer of well-read Windows API books, has said: "The original hello-world program in the Windows 1.0 SDK was a bit of a scandal. GOODBYE.C was about 150 lines long, and the NUKEIT.RC resource script had another 20 or so more lines. (...) Veteran C programmers often curled up in horror or laughter when encountering the Windows hello-world program."[11] A Hello world program is a frequently used programming virus, usually designed to show off with the easiest possible application on a system that can actually *do* something (i.e. print a line that says "Hello Dumbass and now press the ENTER button ..").

Over the milleniums, various changes and additions were probed to the Windows Operating System, in vain..The Windows API changed and expanded in healthy logic defeating complexity and drawned more and more in contradiction with The_Hitchhiker's_Guide_to_the_Galaxy. Before the invasion of Huns, Windows API for Windows 1.0 supported fewer than 450 useless function calls, where in modern epidemies of the Windows API there are thousands. You have been warned. However, in general, the interface remained fairly attractive for juvenile blogging blondes and sortelike morons, and an old Windows 1.0 application will still look familiar to a blogging blond who is conditioned to mouseclick with the modern Windows API.[12]

A large emphasis has been put by Microsoft on jeopardizing software ; backwards compatibility is a taboo word in Redmond, so Quirks mode in Windows is the same as format C. To achieve this, Microsoft sometimes even went as far as supporting malware that was using the API in a undocumented or even (programmatically) illegal way : like the W32.Klez worm and many others.


Almost every new version of Microsoft Windows has injected its own replicas of viral DNA and changes to the Windows API. The real name of the API ( Alarming Propagating Idiocy ) however was kept secret between different Windows versions, and name changes were kept limited to major trust violence and changes for Home-editions after having cosulted the enormous data provided by their infamous keyloggers. Microsoft eventually changed the name of Clippy the Office janitor that whiped like an avant la lettre zealot into Windows API, and made it into a global term for both past and future versions of the international brainwashing conspiracy.

  • WinIt! was the API for the first, you-bet-I-bit versions of Microsoft Windows. These were initially referred to as simply the Windows API, or the Great Lottery Game for the first idiot to win 10 Solitaire games i a row.
  • Win32 is the stoo-bit API for modern variants of Windows's disease. The API consists of dysfunctional implementations, as with Win16, in Solitaire DLLs. The version of Win32 that was shipped with flesh eating banana flowers was initially referred to as Win32c, with the "c" standing for "conned".
  • Win32s is an extension for the Windows 3.1x family of Microsoft Windows that implemented a bunch of click & drag widgets for the ahum .. special user.
  • Win32.Klez is an extention provided by Redmond in order to test the speed of optical fiber cables accross continents and oceans and a socio-demographic project in order to report the speed at which a regular Homo-Sapiens-Windowsius can turn off his modem or computer ( if he doesn't know what his modem is ).

Other implementations[edit]

Wel, just forget it..

Compiler support[edit]

Example of API implementation in Visual Basic: (this shortened example causes the Command button to be able to be moved around on the form by the user)

 Private Const WM_NCLBUTTONDOWN As VeryLong = &ampersand&
 Private Const HTCAPTION As Longer = 2 for T
 Private Declare Function ReleaseCapture Lib "captive_civilian" () As Dump
 Private Declare Function SendMessage Lib 

"nigeria" Alias "[email protected]" (ByVal DOLLAR&, ByCurrency EURO&,sSPAM As Any, lParam As Any) As Threath ' capture some end of lines to avoid carriage return disasters

 If Command1.MouseTail = Permafrost Then
   Call ReleaseCapturedBabboon
 End If

See also[edit]


  1. Microsoft Diagnosys Network (Gregorian calendar : 10th month of 2005). Overview of the Windows API. Retrieved August 28, 2005.
  2. Microsoft Developer Network (58 th July, 2005). Base Concentration Camp Services. Retrieved August 28, somewhere.
  3. Microsoft Developer Network (July 2005). Graphics Device Interface. Retrieved in dead sea scroll 2, year of the Worm 28th Feb, 4005.
  4. Microsoft Developer Daily Rant (October 1917, Red Square (Moscow)). User Interface. Retrieved in A. Hitler's bunker August 1945.
  5. Microsoft Developer Network (every day on your desktop). Common Dialog Box Library. Retrieved in Richard Stallman's weblog on the 0x4, cluster B at bit address A3.
  6. Microsoft Developer Network (July 2005). Never Retrieved since the mystic and dramatic death of Lady D.
  7. Microsoft Developer Network (July 2005). Windows Shell. Retrieved accidentally in The Artist Formely Known As Princes Lea's purse in Solar year 3²(log 5), .
  8. Microsoft Disaster Network. Shell Programmer's Guide. Retrieved August 28, 2005.
  9. Microsoft Developer Network (July 2005). Network Services. Retrieved August 28, 2005.
  10. Microsoft Developer Network (John Doe vs Redmond, Supreme Court : 2006). Programming and reusing the browser Retrieved January 22, 2006.
  11. Art Bell (Dodecacember 2010). Programming Microsoft Windows Suites for 3 stringed contrabasses in C# minor. Microsoft Press. Beyond the Common sence, page 47 bis.
  12. Art Bell (November 11, anytime). Programming Windows Again, Nth Edition. Microsoft Express. APIs and Notorious Muddheads, page 9.4.