Windows BSODcare

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“Finally, a solution to the dreaded Blue Screen of Death. Too bad it costs $100 a month!!!”

~ Angry Windows BSODcare user

“At Microsoft, we provide subscription services to fix problems we create. In other words, we make more money by making dodgy software.”

~ Microsoft Spokesperson

Since the release of Microsoft Windows, Microsoft has been terrorizing computer users through the Blue Screen of Death. The user, after getting one of these screens, will swear at their computer, realizing that they will now have to retype that letter, because they were too stupid to save. Microsoft has responded and created the new Windows BSODcare software package for windows. Not to be confused with Windows Live Onecare, BSODcare is revolutionary technology that prevents BSODs approximately 98.5% of the time.

History[edit]

Microsoft released Windows BSODcare in response to the complaints that Windows Vista produced so many blue screens that users could no longer start the OS without a BSOD occuring. Due to this fact alone, Microsoft had to make the Windows BSODcare disc bootable, so users could install it without having to boot into Windows.

Compatibility[edit]

Windows BSODcare is compatible with the following operating systems:

  • Windows 3.1 (there is a 50/50 chance that it will cause more blue screens than it will fix)
  • Windows 95
  • Windows 98 First Edition only (Second Edition included new Blue Screen technologies that Microsoft couldn't reverse)
  • Windows Y2k (date must be set to a time before 2000 otherwise the system will asplode)
  • Windows XP
  • Windows Vista

The following OSes only support reverse mode (which creates blue screens):

  • Linux
  • Mac OS X

BSODcare is incompatible with Windows OSTWES and Windows ME because these operating systems are epic failures and require blue screens to operate correctly.

Features[edit]

Windows BSODcare has only one feature: an on/off switch. This lets you turn blue screens back on if you so wish. Unfortunately, due to Useless Access Control, you will have to click "Continue" 100 times to turn blue screens off. BSODcare also exhibits high CPU usage and guzzles RAM more than any other piece of software on the market except for Windows itself.

Cost[edit]

Windows BSODcare can be ordered online or through dodgy telephone sex lines operated by Microsoft. Windows BSODcare costs $US100 a month and can only be used for one installation at a time. Any attempt to avoid this limit will trip Windows Genuine Disdvantage and will cause even more blue screens than you had beforehand.

Attempts to recreate/crack Windows BSODcare[edit]

Pirates and developers have been trying to circumvent the advanced anti-piracy technology on Windows BSODcare. It was found that all BSODcare does is change a registry value, but if this value is changed by another program, or the user, Windows will automatically delete itself and all data on the hard drive. Developers have also tried creating another program to prevent BSODs, but the aforementioned registry issue has prevented any progress. DAMN YOU MICROSOFT!!!!

See Also[edit]