Windows NT

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“Thank you for making me rich. No matter how much you pay I still profit. Oh yeah, I'm not gay,.”

~ Bill Gates

“I thought the acronym for Windows ME was better... it was actually a backronym...”

~ Bill Gates on the title of Windows NT[1]

“Neanderthal Technology.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Windows NT

The Nerd Terminator (or Nice Try) version of Windows, known as Windows NT was the first in a series of operating systems produced by the Microshaft Corporation of America. The idea of shipping alpha software, rather than stable and tested software was not a new one to Bill Gates, the head of Microshaft.

It was named in honor of Bill Gate's lost identical twin brother Vindews Enntee. As many friends attest, Bill Gates to this day suffers under the impression that the way he had acted towards his brother had somehow caused his disappearance (which is of course correct, since Bill killed him)

In Bill Gates original satirist novel, "Windows NT" is just an acronym for "Windows"? Not until the world lies cracked and broken at my feet. Also know around the halls of Microsoft as "The Little Red Book", and is required reading for all Microsoft citizens.

[edit] Overview

Windows NT is the first of a long line of operating systems from Microsoft with any functionality whatsoever. In fact, this operating system never crashes once. It is the most robust system available for personal computers, and is ultimately reliable. Nine out of ten doctors choose Windows NT over Linux and Mac OS, and it is a surprise that these other systems have survived at all under the pressure. Unlike Linux, the source is completely closed to the general public — but this is good news! Now dirty hobos wearing suspenders cannot get into your computer and compile your source into a bunch of zeros and ones! The only downside is that the user can't fix bugs by him/herself, but that is completely alright as there is no bugs.

Overall, Windows NT runs more smoothly and with more torque than anything else. Now that's quality.

The New Errors Technology was used in this OS, with very good results. Kernel crashes when needed, or when it calls special function _WindowsNT_ShutdownInUnusualWay(). Unfortunately, it cannot guide missiles. New Error Technology was released for applications use as .NET.

Development of Windows has stalled until Microsoft can raid IBM for more code.

[edit] Windows NT recipe

(serves 1 to 2 processors)

You will need:

• 500g of Self Rising OS/2
• 100g of VMS Powder. (I Can't Believe It's Not VMS® can be substituted)
• 1 teaspoon of Macintosh essence
• 100g of Linux cream (I Can't Believe It's Not Linux® can be substituted)
• 200ml of milk
• 3 medium eggs
• 1 large bottle of Sunny Delight
• 1 eye of Newt
• 4 bags of sugar
• An MS-DOS floppy diskette
• Any other crap you can find in your larder

Directions:

1. Combine all of the ingredients in a large bowl.
2. Let it rest in a warm place for about an hour.
3. Take a shit.
4. Bake in C (or C++) at gas mark 4 for 30-40 minutes or until golden.
5. Check the poo.
6. Serve immediately (before it evolves into MS-TRES)