Windows RG

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The Windows RG Desktop

Windows RG (Really Good Edition) is an operating system which was released on 15 July 1998 and that allows the user to do less stuff in more time. It was created by Microsoft which is assumed to be run by a load of rabid weasels. It contains Windows Media Player, Paint, Microsoft Word RG, Solitaire, Internet Explorer 7.49830696820 and Crash. It also allows the user to order food and get it delivered, free of charge.

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Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Windows RG.

In a bold move for Microsoft, Windows RG also comes with Word RG built in, however Sun Microsystems and WordPerfect Corporation are planning lawsuits citing an 'unfair monopoly'. Unlike previous versions of Windows, it also includes updates and protection of critical system files that may cause the world to end if they are deleted. Until the release of Windows ME, Windows RG was considered by many to be the most unstable Windows to be released.

Windows RG is still the most intelligent version of Windows ever made, because it supposedly comes with tiny little men (called Wingdings) who make everything work. Windows RG runs only on processors with a speed of 4 GHz, and has the ability to kill you if you look at it for too long. Already, Microsoft (which has been recently sold to the leader of the Wingdings) has hired The Great Wingding to make plans to unleash Windows RG on Russia so that they can make even more nuclear weapons than they have already.

Free Run[edit]

Most Windows RG retailers give you a free run or sample because they know your will get addicted and want more. Run Windows RG for free

Applications[edit]

  • Windows Media Player: The Essential Program for Windows RG. Plays an endless loop of the song [Mama's Got A Baby - Jelly Roll Morton's Hot Seven]
  • Paint: The image manipulation tool of choice on Uncyclopedia. Lets you draw images in about two seconds which people will laugh at.
  • Microsoft Word RG: Write up documents with the help of none other than Clippy!
  • Internet Explorer: Now with a Mozilla blocker to prevent the download of Mozilla Firefox!
  • Order Food: Order quality food for all! "There's enough food for everyone!" is the trademark phrase for this application.
  • Crash: The computer explodes, sending everything in a 5-yard range flying as the system flies apart in a fiery explosion. Your results may vary.

Games[edit]

Windows RG is a very popular gaming operating system. In addition to Solitaire and Minesweeper, Windows RG also includes Blue Screen of Death, Freecell and that secret flight simulator that was originally part of Microsoft Excel.

Controversy[edit]

Due to the unprecedented success of Windows RG (it has had the fewest errors ever, and those errors that do occur are of negligible magnitude) some people have thought that either there was another contributor, or Bill Gates had finally gone Bat Fuck Insane. When questioned about a possible shadow contributor, Me said, "Any other contributors must not have existed because then Bill Gates would have to pay them. And why would he do that?" Another controversy arises from the origin of the operating system. Some believe that the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation was in fact responsible for Windows RG because of the belief that Microsoft could not produce something that runs so reliably.


Office RG Suite[edit]

PowerPoint RG is a very popular product for giving presentations.

In addition to the flagship operating system, Microsoft also released Office RG, a version of Microsoft Office. (sold separately) The Office RG suite is known for its easy user interface and innovative help system[citation needed]. It includes:

  • Word RG: A professional version of the software preloaded with Windows RG with even more Office Assistants, a spell checker, and the ability to save documents.
  • PowerPoint RG: Now with thousands of useless clipart images!
  • Excel RG: Includes several hidden games...
  • Access RG: With its slogan "All your database are belong to us", Access RG is one of the most popular database programs, at least among those who actually use it. It now includes such capabilities as "Query" and "Delete", and an easter egg version of Zero Wing.
  • FrontPage RG: Allows you to make crappy websites in a flash!
  • Outlook RG: Tired of spam filters deleting false positives? Outlook is the solution to your problem. It also includes advanced scripting capabilities, and has the ability to block all attachments, including executables that other mail clients allow. It has other features such as a calendar and a contact list that keeps track of everyone that the user sends and receives e-mail to and from in a convenient file accessible to most major viruses.

There are seventeen different editions for all segments of the population. One such version is the Geocities Edition that includes FrontPage and Outlook, along with thousands of animated clipart files and templates.

Build 2008[edit]

The Red Screen of Death is one of the features in Windows RG 2008 (borrowed from Vista)

As a result of the success of Windows Vista in 1916, Microsoft has started development on a new edition of Windows RG, codenamed Windows RG Build 2008. (soon to be called Windows RG Redux) Not much is known about the development or even the release date (sources point to sometime in the next decade), but the new build will include the best features from Windows Vista combined with the rock solid security of Windows RG.

In addition to the new Aero user interface, Windows RG 2008 will include User Account Control, a new DRM enhanced version of Clippy, and the innovative new Red Screen of Death.