Windows XP

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“I lost my ENTIRE porn collection because of this fucking system.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Gardening

“The clock has performed an illegal operation, please restart the universe so time can begin again.”

~ System Error on Windows XP

Microsoft increased their antipiracy efforts by making their disc labels harder to replicate, as seen in this Genuine Windows XP Home Edition disc.

Windows XP, aka NT 5.1.2600 is a stable operating system, it was Microsoft's best system to date. It had a great graphical user interface, compared to the bloatware known as MS-OS. It manages to take up a whole 40 GB on one's hard disk and its file system can interact fully with more dominant operating systems such as OS/2 Warp and Linux. It has mouse support, although penguins are as yet not supported or even liked. The "XP" in Windows XP stands for "eXtra Penis" (or Vagina-Penis System),or more like "eXtreme Porn", though it has been suspected to be an ideogram for a face with a tongue sticking out. An alternate and much less suspected interpretation is that 'XP' stands for Jesus Chris(t), as that was what Jesus called himself in whatever language he was speaking. The exact label he gave himself was 'Chi', or X, then 'Roh', or P. This was reported to be an attempt for Bill Gates to emulate God by sending Jesus to the people to save them from their Machintosh sins.

Production of XP began in 1945, and was completed in 1995. However, Microsoft realized it did not crash enough, so they worked on making it vulnerable, bug-filled, and, overall, a huge load of steaming shit in a blue (or green) box. They even fill up the system with this funny error messages.

This radical change in software design came about when it was felt Microsoft needed a change of leadership, so they sacked Steve Ballmer and Bill Gates, then hired Hull University's Phil Costin as chairman and Jonty the Electric Hamster as CEO. MS also abandoned their Web browser integration policy in favor of placing the less-than-cost-effective Mozilla Firefox and Opera combination in its place. This was criticized at first, but now users have become used to being less well-off financially.

With the lack of GUI in Microsoft's main product, this meant a lot of their existing software went under a radical redesign. For instance, Microsoft Office 2003, with the exception in the rise in office workers cursing cunty bollock chops in regards to its performance, contains absolutely no features that some people would see as pointless and it only require up a few gigabytes of RAM to operate.

Windows XP also contains a partial implementation of the UNIX OS, making it more stable and easier to handle for the average home user. Although Microsoft states that this is the "WSFU" feature, further investigation shows that that feature is actually called "Windows Shut the F*** Up" and serves to decrease stability of instant messaging programs, including Microsoft's own Windows Messenger. It has known affiliations with Darth Vader^{[citation needed]}. (WARNING: comment may be very true)

It is the only version of Windows known not to include the feature that has been a hallmark of Windows since 3.0, the blue screen appearing every 5 minutes, better known as Microsoft 5-minute BlueScreen Technology.

Sales of Windows XP ceased on June 30, 2008 after the XP stock managing server got fucked up fifteen seconds after Windows Vista was installed on it. Despite this, many people continue to blindly worship Windows XP, believing that Windows Vista is Satan and that XP is the second coming of Jesus. As such, Microsoft has made Windows XP the world's dominant operating system for long after it has become outdated and a piece of crap.

[edit] Tutorial to Windows XP

Hi! Today I will teach you how to make your mamma's home-baked Apple pie, but also how to install your Windows XP software. First, insert a floppy disk in the floppy disk drive (you should never attempt to insert a floppy disk in a 56X CD-ROM drive, as floppy disk shrapnel hurts). Then, press on the I/O button on your computer. At this step, you should start to smell burning flesh; yours. The screen will turn black, and nonsense character strings will appear from nowhere. You will be asked if you want to use the CD-ROM drive. As your installation program is on a CD instead of 1453 floppy disks, press Y on your keyboard. You will immediately notice your keyboard is inverted (or else it would be too easy) as N will appear instead of Y. As they will ask you to insert the 1st of the 1453 floppy disks, press again on the I/O button on your computer. Start again, but press on N instead of Y. Insert the Windows XP CD in the CD-ROM drive. Next, type in A:\>d: (another useless nonsense character string that really works: try it on your computer) and then, press Enter on your keyboard. Then, type in D:\>setup.exe on your keyboard. The installation program will start. After several days (even with a fast CPU), the installation will finish. Your desktop should appear. Press on the Start icon of your desktop, then press on Run. A window will open. Type in cmd and press on Enter. A black MS-DOS windows will open. Type in format c: and press on Enter on your keyboard. Answer Y to the question they ask you (as your keyboard should not longer be inverted). Your Windows XP software is being uninstalled from your computer. Thank God, we're almost finished. As you see what you just done, you should start to scream, to cry or to freak out. Finally, become completely and utterly irritated with your OS, slam out some beta code and install that instead. Next week, learn how to install Microsoft Office correctly and how to make your grandma's Tracking Cookie.

[edit] Shit Pack 3

Microsoft promised that, the following things will be added in SP3 for the Windows XP:

• Information Security Center 2.0, with the new Windows Defender 2.0 and comments, also Typo 1.0...
• "Aaero" will be installed, which is a color scheme similar to Windows Vista.
• Internet Explorer will be updated to a Mozilla Firefox-like Internet Explorer 7, which supports InActiveY applets.
• Icons, images are more detailed. At least anti-alias in the Bliss wallpaper.
• Updated the dates in the About screen.^[1]
• Security holes opened.
• Several pieces of evil government spyware that manage to disguise themselves as buggy slow-downs.

SP3 is in Beta test period and still being developed secretly. Too bad that the full-of-typo SP3 has been leaked out and many people have installed them. Microsoft still name their Sucking Pack as Service Pack which is also a typo.

Different from SP2, SP3 provides a more easy way to get annoyed by the system, using the User Account Control.

[edit] Future versions

Microsoft has always been an advocate of Anti-Abortion organizations

File:The best pc.png

Yet, this is a XPista preview, so how cute they ARE!!!

Yet another error message. This is why we need more versions. So we can all laugh at bill gates. HAHA!

• Windows HP

This will be a variant named in memory of the leaked HP sauce incident. The price of this version will be higher than any other piece of software ever sold, but this version will be available under a hire-purchase agreement. ^{[citation needed]}

• windows xp god edition
• Windows RG - Real Good Edition
• Windows Vista - An Expansion Theme pack for XP
• Windows JE - Jihad Edition
• Windows MANA
• Windows DEXamphetamines
• Windows XP Fuck You
• Windows AIDS
• Windows HIV
• Windows XD
• Windows MC hammer edition ("U Can't Touch This")
• Windows X(
• Windows XPista
• Windows 8)
• Windows ROFL
• Windows STFU
• Windows LOL
• Windows BS
• Windows FU
• Windows Bonghorn
• Windows All UR BASE R BELONG 2 US
• Windows (A LINUX EXTENSION - OPTIONAL ADD ON)
• Windows SHUT
• SMASHED Windows
• Windows CRASH
• Windows X-Pee
• Windows Sucks
• Windows SHITHOLE
• WIN WTF
• Windows virus
• Ahmadou Ndoung M.
• Windows CARPET
• Windows nigsta Sponsored by MTV’s pimp my ride
• Windows Linux Edition
• Windows Godzilla
• Windows matriarchy
• Windows PMS
• Windows babel fish lego made by mattel
• Windows hedonist emo
• Windows ultra stable edition
• Windows GTA
• Windows owned
• my first Windows
• Windows HAMMER TIME EDITION
• Windows FRAT BOY EDITION SERVICE PACK AAA
• Windows Nazi special edition (comes with free gas mask)
• Windows Greek orgy phonetic edition service pack omega fish oil
• Windows herbal essence edition
• Windows Avon edition
• Windows eccentric edition
• Windows ADHD edition
• Windows Total Fucking Asshole Server Edition
• Windows cakefart edition
• Windows readers digest edition
• Windows gay bar edition
• Windows dominatrix edition
• Windows centrelink edition (comes with child care benefits)
• Windows pac man edition
• Windows sperminator edition
• Windows legalinese sudoku edition
• Windows Gay Edition
• Windows sexist oxymoron zen edition
• Windows indifferent edition
• Windows pap swear edition
• Windows original flavor edition
• Windows gothic edition (has korn as the windows start up theme)
• Windows sexy governor edition
• Windows glow in the dark edition
• Windows super sayian edition
• Windows make up sex edition
• Widnows Typo edution
• Windows wu tang edition
• Windows Pregnant edition
• Windows MJ edition
• Windows kkk edition
• Windows Tom cruise edition
• Windows pr0n edition
• Windows sea monkey edition
• Windows classic
• Windows XXLL edition
• Windows POONTANG edition
• Windows tourettes syndrome edition
• Windows hentai edition
• Windows windows edition service pack lego postive
• MC Windows edition (comes with free toy made in china,22% sars)
• Windows tupperware edition (Subscription to Tupperware parties mandatory for 6months before handset is unlocked)
• Windows Miss Congeniality edition service pack Princess sparkles
• Windows jenny craig edition (has eye of the tiger as the start up theme)
• Windows underpants gnome edition (end user agreement strictly states microsoft can't be held Responsible to missing underpants due to the Intrinsic nature of the software)
• Windows vogue edition.(80% adverts stinks of Animal testing and pino silvestre,EVERY SEX IN THE CITY FAN MUST HAVE A COPY)
• Windows obsessive compulsive rebooting edition
• Windows post-it edition (end user agreement states that this was only the Beta version to test out their explosive Notepad (note-taking) program)
• Windows Apocalypse edition
• Windows hax edition
• Windows Mudkipz edition
• Windows "This is SPARTA" edition
• Windows wiki edition version F-U-C-KING AWESOME...xD
• Windows Cleaners
• Windows double gazing edition (even more protection!)
• Windows make $50k a year by opening this message!!!
• Windows lost the game
• Windows/b/ edition
• Windows has performed an illegal operation and must close v2.864739464849
• Windows should be kept closed at night
• Windows why the fuck do Microsoft make fucked up names for their operating systems? Oh yeah because Bill Gates is a cockshiner edition.

[edit] See Also

• Windows Error
• Fisher Price
• Microsoft
• Windows
• Apple Computer
• RAM
• Tunbridge Wells
• Porno
• Cheese Manufacturing
• X out your privacy
• Windows XP Pirate Edition
• Blue Screen of Death
• HowTo:Install Windows XP

[edit] How to Secure Windows XP

Switch to Linux or Mac OS X never turn your PC on.Or sodmised your cpu for speed.

[edit] References

1. ↑ CuteFTP 8.0.6 changelog.

[edit] External Links

Windows HIV
Windows AIDS
Windows