Woodstock, IL is basically like any other suburb of Chicago, only more boring.
Woodstock was founded in 1843 by a small yellow bird. He hoped to create a small town that was close to Chicago but still far enough away that none of the urban sprawl would hit Woodstock. Oops. Still, Woodstock is far enough away that it takes a long time to drive or take the train into the city. Thus, everyone that lives in Woodstock has the benefits of the high taxes associated with the suburbs without the pleasantness of proximity to happening events in Chicago.
Although it would seem like this town does not warrant an Uncyclopedia entry, many important things have happened there. First, the town was created as an exact replica of a fictional town in Groundhog's Day, starring Bill Murray. All of the scenes on Mustafar in Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith were filmed in Woodstock, during which the town was almost incinerated by the lava flows which are hot and cause indigestion. Woodstock is also where horseshoes was invented. Finally, Woodstock is noted for having a solid program for educating elementary school-aged girls in pole dancing and exotica.
If it's a bar you need Woodstock has it. You can see one tooth jack at the Town Tap or submerge yourself in the basement at Liquid Blues. Either way you are just steps away from peeing in the alley. P.S. never pass out on the railroad tracks. It's quite messy.