Worf

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Worf's bowel movements destroy every bathroom he enters

“Let's throw Worf at it!”

~ Captain Picard on dealing with hostiles

“PREPARE FOR RAMMING SPEED!”

~ Worf on preparing for Ramming Speed

“I sure love them counselors”

~ Worf on his choice of women

“Perhaps today is a good day to die!!!”

~ Worf on Good days to die

“When Worf said "Prepare for Ramming Speed" he wasn't kidding!”

~ Counselor Troi on sexual intercourse with Worf

The character of Worf (a.k.a. Whorf, a.k.a. Werf, a.k.a. Horf) played by renowned actor Brad Shmorff, is named after the famed linguist, Benjamin Whoof is a surprisingly tall Klingon creature on the television show Star Trek: The Final Generation. Worf has many powers such as witty retorts spouting warrior platitudes, making dirty jokes, tapping every piece of hot alien ass that comes along and having every episode of Iron Chef on his ipod for his cooking skills with his favorite foods including blood worfs, bran muffins, klingon blood peppers and hot wings. Another strength would be in his food which is known to produce noxious fumes from his meals to defeat his foes. Worf's culinary skills have saved his crew far too many times to count. Mainly due to the extreme flatulence the food created, the gas repelled the crews foes away. The level of flatulance is high enough that Geordi can see it with his visor.

Worf is also known for his unique ability to get owned (or 'pwned', if pronounced by internet nerds who think l337sp38k is cool) by every single thing that he encounters, including crippled old ladies, really crappy white supremacist pop stars, and Wesley Crusher.

The ducts around this region need constant maintenance

Overview[edit]

Worf: I'm not Worf, I'm just the actor who plays Worf...

Worf is most notably the only officer in the history of Starfleet to ever actually find the button labeled "Ramming Speed". Had it not been for his former captain Jean-Luc Picard coming in and saving his ass from being vaporized by those Borg assholes, Worf would have entered the record books for "Most Badass Attack Move Against The Borg". Worf is said to have been a copycat in this regard choosing to forget the time Riker also attempted a move like this against the Borg. To this day, no one else has found the "Ramming Speed" button, whereas Riker just ordered a warp drive collision course, but the damage was done, Worf found fame for copying someone else. It is believed that Worf has had it replaced on his bedside for his particular hook-up of the week to use when he wants to make things really interesting. It should be noted that Jadzia Dax and Troi both had their pelvis's broken due to this "manuever". Worf calls it his own form of Kama Sutra.

Worf is a well practiced martial artist with a yellow belt in judo, karate, and tai chi as well as a pink belt in thuganomics he has been studying the ancient arts of the Death Arts to master cripling techniques such as the five point palm exploding heart technique and the Curly Shuffle. Despite this, as mentioned above, whenever there are intruders on the ship, Worf gets owned by them, regardless of how tough the monster-of-the-week happens to be.

Worf didn't change his looks much as this over the years anomaly shows

Worf enjoys extreme death metal and claims to have been a close friend of the illustrious ancient Klingon poet and playwright William Shakespeare in his past life. Notably, a large part of Klingon religon is based on reincarnation, as well as peaceful coexistence with animals, plants, and other species in general, alongside theories of senseless and brutal murder. This might explain the playwright's spooky connection with Earth's obscure astrologer, William Shakespeare, suggested in the series to be a reincarnation of the Klingon Shakespeare himself. Worf is known to throw tantrums from time to time and in his later years during an identity crisis of sorts after his wife is killed by some random insane Cardassian Satanist. After this, his crisis materialized into an emo phase and got a really gay ponytail after famous warrior, and fellow homosexual, of Earths past, Steven Segal. Much like Segal, Worf would beat the shit out of his girlfriend, Deanna Troi. Worf is said to leave serious bruise marks during foreplay and gave Troi a black eye during sex one night after she refused to let him try Anal sex (of course, had she gone through with said anal sex, she probably would have ended up much worse). Troi went back to her old flame Riker the pussy and Worf continued to mope and write Klingon poetry while listening to Rollins Spoken Word albums translated into Klingon. Until some random angry leprechaun broke into his quarters and beat him up, just to see if the rumours of Worf being owned by everything were true. As it turned out, they were. And, yes, the mention of a leprechaun was not random.

Worf's hidden nature finally broke through in the Season 4 finale of Final Generation in which Worf flips out and kills everyone, including three unborn babies. Some Star Trek fans believe that the ejection of Worf's character from Final Generation was closely connected with a recent request for a higher salary.

Worf's side-kick and probable mate, Weft has only appeared on one episode of Star Trek, which tragically, was never shown. The pilot of an entire series about Weft has yet to be aired, because the bidding war for the rights to the script left too many people bankrupt. The episode was cut from the lineup of Star Trek after Rick Berman realized there was no time travel elements or members of another Star Trek show on, therefore wasn't very good. Never mind that Weft would have been another role for Wil Wheaton.

Worf: Your #1 Program for Klingon Documents.


Cquote1.png "Worf is a multifaceted character. It has nothing to do about showing us how yesterdays foes are todays friends or how developed an imaginary culture can be, it just has to do with lots of screen time and a few witty lines. And getting absolutely destroyed by any foe he encounters." — Michael Dorn. Cquote2.png
Worf: In human form

On Board the Enterprise[edit]

Originally, Worf's role involved standing at the back of the bridge and looking scary, filing in for other people at whatever station they sat at until they returned or until the end of their shift. This often meant Worf had to stay where he was and not pay any visits to the toilet. In revenge he would fart, in the turbolift, often traumatizing any crew members trapped with him.

After the death of security chief Tasha Yar, Worf found himself filling in her shoes, which were several sizes too small and nearly crippled him until it occurred to him to ask if he could use his own shoes. During his tenure as security chief, he was under he impression he was unable to go to the bathroom until someone else took over this job role, as a result he began to walk oddly. Once the Enterprise was destroyed he immediately took a giant shit in the captains ready room. Then the shit came to life and owned him effortlessly in battle. No, wait, that's a lie: the shit never came to life.

It wasn't all bad, he did end up shagging councilor Troi, rumor has it there's not a single room on the ship they didn't do it in, not bad considering just about every room is always occupied.

Then, of course, Troi went and married that dipshit Riker, and Worf got really drunk and went on a subsequent drunken rampage, fuelled by LSD-like hallucinations featuring leprechauns with baseball bats. Unsurprisingly, Worf didn't successfully beat anyone up during this rampage and was effortlessly owned once again by an eight-month-old baby.

On Board the Enterprise-E[edit]

Despite serving in a poorly defined made up role on Deep Space Nine, Worf made excuses to serve aboard the Enterprise E whenever he could. Captain Picard never really gave him any job role, so Worf just did what he did best, he stood at the back near the weapons console and looked scary. Until the monster-of-the-movie came onto the bridge and owned Worf with a single tap on the shoulder. Worf spent the rest of each movie lying in sickbay with a broken back, aka an excuse to get off work.

Eventually after passing on the job of Overlord of the Klingon Empire and quitting the job as Federation ambassador to the Klingons (he felt a bad joke was being made at his expense there) he decided to hang around with Captain Picard and what was left of the crew, and was asked to fill in as first officer. The strain on his bowels has lead him to go insane, culminating in yet another random Klingon ritual where he and five other members of the crew slit their wrists with bat'leths and bled out all over Ten-Forward. The five other members of the crew died, being typical redshirts, however Worf himself somehow survived. See, that's how bad it is for him: he can't even own HIMSELF.

See also[edit]